15 yr old dd - 1.5 hours late

[felttippens]

She's due in by ten and Is 1.5 hrs (and counting)

I'm so stressed and mad heard nothing from her but a message via a friend

What is suitable punishment ?

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

1.5 hrs off her next night out, so a 8.30pm curfew for the next time.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

What was her message?

[felttippens]

Usual phone died / missed bus nonsense

[Fadingmemory]

Very worrying for you, but wait for the explanation before you decide on sanctions. She has at least sent you a message via a friend even if that is not totally satisfactory. Try not to go in with the metaphorical guns blazing - try, try, try to listen and respond calmly otherwise you may risk alienating her.

She may have behaved with deliberate defiance. Punishment will depend on the house regime - does she already do housework? Get an allowance? You could start with increasing the former and withholding some of the latter depending on her explanation/attitude etc.

Hope she's home soon.

[felttippens]

When she didn't arrive home I sent a message to her friend asking where she was friend replied she's getting 1030 bus

I then get another message saying dD has missed last bus can you pick her up I replied saying I can't as I'm in house alone with two sleeping young children ask her to get in touch

10 mins ago messaged me saying 'you need to pick me up from (boyfriends)

I've said I'll send a taxi as can't leave house wasn't sure what else to do

Now waiting for her - do I ground her, remove phone , stop money etc

[honeysucklejasmine]

She should pay for the taxi herself for starters. I'd see how contrite she is in the morning.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I would make her pay the taxi, I'd deduct the time she was late off next time so in by 8.30, and I'd tell her she wasn't allowed to leave the house without her phone being charged and credit on there.

[felttippens]

But allow her out ?

[felttippens]

Well this is a disaster !

I sent a taxi for her which cost me £12

Was midnight by the time she arrived

No apologies when she got home and I woke up to a text from her informing me she wouldn't be going to school today

[ethelb]

Why is she not going to school?

[LightastheBreeze]

Sounds like something happened last night rather than just phone/bus issues.

[honeysucklejasmine]

"wouldn't be going"?!?! Cheeky mare! If you can't get her in to school then i guess she's doing housework all day? Scrubbing the toilet, etc?

[felttippens]

"Am not going in today I'll tidy all of my room spotless and do all of my homework and do whatever for you but am not going in "

[LightastheBreeze]

Sounds like some sort of falling out with friends or something embarrassing with friends to me.

[PureDeadBrilliant]

Something happened Last night, I reckon. Get to the bottom of it, oh, and send her in.

[MrsAtticus]

You need to find out what happened to her, is her boyfriend at school with her?

[Chopchopbusybusy]

I'd be waking her up and taking her into school.

[felttippens]

Her boyfriend is year above and he seems like a bit of a school avoider generally

She had amazing test results just yesterday and was really happy now this

[Stupidhead]

Grounding. Sounds like a falling out with bf?

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Are you home? Take her in!

[felttippens]

I said you are going to school and if you don't you can hand your phone to me

She responded you can ground me but I'm not giving you my phone

She has form for going absolutely berserk/physical in head on 'give me your phone' situations - I've lost control haven't i

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Get the phone. If you threaten a punishment you really need to follow it thriugh.

[exasperatedemma]

oh god, I sympathise with you. My 16 yr old DD decided she wasn't going into school today as she's too tired (this was the subject of another big row last night as she would'nt go to bed!). promised to do all her school work etc etc but wouldnt specify what. I told her she doesn't get to choose if she goes into school or not and asked her to hand over her phone then. resulted in massive screaming match and me grappling the phone from her. Meltdown ensued. I undertstand your difficulty because we've gone easy sometimes on her because she too has form for extreme reactions and is just as likely to walk out the door (again) or harm herself. Eventually she calmed down and I agreed to give the phone back on the way to school. very late. I guess my advice would be (and I have difficulty doing this myself!) to remain calm, try and get her to talk (easier said than done) maybe suggest you go to coffee shop on the way, say its only 2 days till the weekend etc etc. and then tackle the behaviour when she is a bit more rational (if that ever happens!). Good luck, hold your nerve and take strength from the fact that there are a lot of us mums out there battling the same sorts of thing, it can feel a lonely place otherwise. x

[pollycazalet]

If the phone is on a contract it's sometimes easier just to get the supplier to cut the line than get the phone. You don't want to get into any physical stuff trying to grapple the phone from a teen who is holding onto it for dear life.

Agree with staying calm, reminding her of the curfew time and that she's broken it. Try and talk.