living away from son

[mamawitch]

Hiya, i really just need a bit of advice. 4 months ago i got a job over 100 miles from our home town, i took the job and moved with my hubby and 3 sons aged 12, 10 and 5. Because our eldest son was in year 10, now year 11, we decided that it was best for him to stay with my parents (who have now separated!) until he finished his exams in year 11 and then he would move back in with us to go to a local college here.

Although things haven't worked out as well as we had hoped (i am not happy in my new job and i am looking to leave) we know that living in where we are is definitely a better, safer place to bring up our kids. However, our son is now saying that he doesn't want to move here and that his whole life is back there. I can see how upset he is about this, he fully agrees that this is a better place for his brothers but has clearly stated that its not the right place for him. He obviously want to live with us, but there not here. I can't afford to fund his life there as well as live here. It a mess and i just don't know what to do. I could go back but i know that it would be the worst thing for the rest of our family and my marriage.
Any advice??

[summer68]

I don't have any meaningful advice I'm afraid, but what a difficult situation. I'm sure you've thought about moving back but to a better area- even if your ds has a long travel to college/ friends, some teens at my dc college have a hour commute in every day.
Does he have good friends? Maybe he could try living with you all, with the promise he can return at weekends and holidays - staying with your parents. He will make new friends at college and may eventually decide he wants to see them at the weekend.

[Princessjonsie]

My husband took a job in Scotland over 300 miles from our home town. My son was 15 at the time and was in his last year at school and wanted to go to college with his mates. He stayed with my mum . It was me that missed out not him. He was happy and spoilt rotten. I did feel as I missed out on things that my mum got to do for him that I should have done but he came to visit in holidays and I got to spend alot more quality time with him and our relationship grew stronger.

[mamawitch]

Thanks for replies, I am missing him so much at the moment and due to me not being happy in my new job as well I have ended up off sick with anxiety and depression. I am getting some cbt to help me and I have decided just to return back to our home town. I just can't go on like this.