18 year old causing problems-help needed please!

[Ellie54321]

HelloI have 3 daughters and 4 step children and my 18 year old is causing major problems at home. She was never an "easy" child but now thinks she can drink whenever, sleep whenever,basically do as she pleases. She has a good job (p/t ) but never has any money to pay "digs" stays out until 5am and doesn't take keys with her, expecting us to stay up and let her in when she decides to come home. She screams and shouts at me and her sister and my hubby (her step-dad) has had enough,he thinks she should leave as she upsets everyone, my health is not good and I'm finding life with her so difficult. When we tell her she'll need to find somewhere else to live she says we can't make her move out....any advice would be gratefully recieved. Thank you

[CatKisser]

Of course you can make her move out! She's an adult!

[CatKisser]

People only behave like this when they know there are no negative consequences of doing so.

[ivykaty44]

You need to put the catch up when you go to bed

Digs money needs to be paid

If she doesn't like it then pack her bags she is 18 and of course you can make her leave

Best thing for her to stand on her own two feet and sort her own life out

[KatieKaye]

Sympathies.
been there with the entitled "why should I?" help around house/be considerate etc.
A friend gave me great advice: why shouldn't she?
She has no automatic right to laze around while others go out to work to earn money to pay bills while she gets to keep all her money for herself.
Your house: your rules. OF course you can make her move out - if she doesn't change. you can simply pack up her things.
What things do you think she should be doing around the house? Make a list and talk to her about it.
How much does she earn and what do you think would be fair digs money?
staying out late - well, she is an adult, so you can't set a curfew. But obviously you are worried that she's safe. If she doesn't take her keys with her, that is her lookout. She'd get very short shrift if she was living in a shared flat! This one is about taking responsibility for herself.
If she wants to behave like and be treated like an adult then she has to start acting like an adult. At the moment she's being a brat and seeing how much she can get away with.

[Ellie54321]

wow thanks everyone for the responses so far! My husband works away, so would never leave the door unlocked during the night while she's out...I don't know why she has such an issue with taking keys, she moaned for long enough when she was younger that she wanted a set(when she was around 10 yrs old + obvs didn't need them :) ) I've told how hard it will be when she moves out but get the usual "it's not like it was in your day" attitude....I have packed her bags before but she point blank refused to move and I didn't want to call the police on her ( I don't want her ending up with a police record ) but her verbal abuse and disrespect has now gone too far. I have just removed her t.v from her room as she was trying to wind me up by turning the sound up so loud at 6am....I have elderly neighbours who must hate us :(

[KatieKaye]

Discuss things with her first and give her a chance to step up.

And warn her that next time you will pack her bags, put them outside and change the locks.

If you can reach an agreement, great. But she has to accept her actions may have consequences and that when mum gives you bed and board it isn't an automatic right once you are earning. Time for her to start acting her age.

[Ellie54321]

Thanks KatieKaye hopeful that it wont get much worse because I'm not sure how much more we can take...discussions in the past have resulted in her "leaving home" and returning the next day as she has nowhere to go, I'm so glad to have found this forum, it makes me feel less isolated, thank you