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found suicide notes in my daughter's pocket

(19 Posts)
WorriedMomtolovelyDD Sat 12-Oct-13 09:02:06

My DD is away on a sleepover so I went to get her laundry and emptied her pockets. She has written several suicide notes to me and to her friends and also had some blades and a piece of glass in her pocket.
I have no idea what to do about this, her father says nothing, let it go as it's just what teenagers do but I absolutely do not agree with that.
I could do with some good advice and hand holding please.

LuisSuarezTeeth Sat 12-Oct-13 09:13:21

Holding your hand.

What an awful shock for you. Has she been upset lately? Any background to this? Are you on your own? X

Waferthinmint Sat 12-Oct-13 09:16:04

I do not agree it shoukd be ignored. Could you go fir a walk with her and have a really good chat. Then Spk to GP for professional advice?

Igloofornow Sat 12-Oct-13 09:16:23

I don't think this is what teenagers do, you have to speak to her today and get her to a & e if she has suicidal ideation. What age is she? Are you 100% sure of her whereabouts? (Sorry to ask).

Waferthinmint Sat 12-Oct-13 09:17:25

Perhaps give the mind helpline a call now 0300 123 3393

Waferthinmint Sat 12-Oct-13 09:20:42

Young minds parents helpline open mon to fri 0808 802 5544

I would collect her and those notes are the chance to lines of communication to open. Go somewhere where you can talk as openly and possible. It isn't wrong to sometimes think about suicude but it is essential to get to the bottom of what is causing the feelings. Don't make her feel guilty for thinking these things but show willing to help her move on

WorriedMomtolovelyDD Sat 12-Oct-13 09:21:06

She has had a big upset recently, yes. However the notes seem to suggest that she is stressed about her school work, she does put a lot of pressure on herself.
She's 15. Yes, I am sure I know where she is as her friend's Mom collected her and took her round to their house and I will be collecting her from there soon.
I will try and talk to her, she will not want to talk about it and will probably be on the defensive, I know that I would be. I cannot work out where to start, she will be furious that I have gone through her pockets.

SilverApples Sat 12-Oct-13 09:25:57

I'd sit down with her quietly and ask her what is wrong, not with her but with her life that needs fixing. What are the things that are making her despair.
She needs to know that you are not judging her, angry or disappointed, just that you love her and are on her side against whatever she's facing.
How old is she?
One of the huge problems with being a teen is that every negative emotion and experience is intense and often for the first time. They have no well of past experiences to draw upon, no way of comparing what is happening to what has gone before and been overcome. When they scream 'It's impossible, the worst thing ever, I can't' they truly mean it.
They also often don't realise that you can change things, that they are not on a one way road without escape, that GCSEs can be taken again, or any time, that if you fail at something, you can either do something completely different or try again later. Their experienc eis so limited that sometimes despair is their default because they can't think of a way out.
ADs can help stabilise the rollercoaster of emotions and level it out a bit, counselling can help them find a path. GP is the next step, after she is sure that come what may, you love her and have her back.
There are hugely experienced posters on MN who have teenagers who have been and are in the same position, they will give much more advice and support. It is something that some teenagers do, ignoring it is not a good choice IMO. But you are not alone.

Waferthinmint Sat 12-Oct-13 09:27:15

I would possibly go somewhere out in the open so she can't retreat to being defensive by hiding in her room. I think you are going to have to before. And say you are worried about her and want to make her feel better, I think you need to take this seriously even if just a 'cry for help'

Can you get advice before you see her.

SilverApples Sat 12-Oct-13 09:27:21

But you always go through her pockets before you do her laundry.
It's part of your routine, and she knows that.

Waferthinmint Sat 12-Oct-13 09:29:27

Validate feelings
Don’t try to talk your teen out of his or her depression, even if his or her feelings or concerns appear silly or irrational to you. Simply acknowledge the pain and sadness he or she is feeling. If you don’t, he or she will feel like you don't take his or her emotions seriously.

Waferthinmint Sat 12-Oct-13 09:32:47

And there is a help page on mumsnet

specialsubject Sat 12-Oct-13 11:34:23

she wanted you to find this, even though she will probably deny it. So hopefully it is a cry for help rather than a serious intention, and happily you have heard.

please call for advice as mentioned.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 12-Oct-13 11:49:56

Bloody hell - please ignore her father.

Perhaphs she is focussing on her school work to distract herself from dealing with her Big Upset. Can you get her to see a counsellor? She might find it easier to talk to someone that isn't emotionally involved.

A real shock for you flowers and a worry... but hopefully it's a cry for help and you can be there for her.

Innismhor Sun 13-Oct-13 12:23:28

Please ignore her father. Try and raise this with her, then listen. Really listen. Tell back to her what she has told you so she knows you understand what she is saying. Avoid any temptation to tell her what to do. Tell her that you love her and will do anything you can to help her.

The GP will be able to help.

She needs you more than ever before. Keep strong. And keep listening.

blue2 Sun 13-Oct-13 12:28:09

Worried - can I suggest you have a chat with her in the car while on your way somewhere? She can't run and hide, but there is no need for any eye contact... and its private, too.

I used to volunteer for Homestart, and now volunteer for NSPCC - a car journey is often suggested as a good place to talk.

WorriedMomtolovelyDD Sun 13-Oct-13 22:00:26

Thank you. We did chat in the car on the way back from her friends. She says she wrote them a while back and hadn't thrown them away, she does not want to die and wants to live. I honestly do not know what to make of it; she will talk of her future and things she is looking forward to doing and places she wants to go. She enjoys going to the sports center with her friends and has plans for university when she graduates.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 13-Oct-13 22:17:03

Did you ask her why she wrote them at the time - did she want to die then? Did you ask her why she changed her mind? Did you tell her how scared it made you to read them?

You poor thing flowers

Innismhor Sun 13-Oct-13 22:19:34

Well done. And you've talked about it now, so she knows you'll listen if she wants to talk again another time. That's a big thing for her to know.

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