Sorry this is long but i need to get it off my chest. I wish I had the book on' the right thing to say" at times.
I knew something was bothering ds the end of last week and this week. We have a very good relationship, are open with each other and can talk about anything (and he tells me stuff which I hear is quite rare in the case of a 14 year old boy).
He woke me up in the middle of the night and asked if I would come to his room so we don't wake dh. I could see he was upset and during the last few days I had asked if he was ok so which he said yes everything is fine. But deep down I knew something was going on.
He tells me that a group of his "friends" at school took his phone last week and took the battery, sim card and the sd card out and they put the sd card into one of the other boys phones. This is where ds tells me that he had some stuff on his phone that he shouldn't have, but had deleted.
Backstory: He met a girl last year who was bad news. The girl was kicked out of the club they attended to together for various reasons. This girl sent ds her cousins number and they have been chatting for months, but never physically met up. (they had a "date" a while back, to which she did not turn up!) It would seem that this girl had sent him naked pictures of herself and he sent one of him to her.... So when they put the sd card into the other phone these pictures came up. (clearly I have a lot to learn as I thought if you deleted a pic it was gone forever 
.
So then these boys starting bribing him saying that he had to pay them each X amount of money each day otherwise they will show everyone in school the pics and tell us. The worst thing is that the little shit would instigated this, has been friends with ds for years, he has been round our house and we taken him places with us for the day....
So ds then admits to taking some money that I had as he didn't know where to get the money from and couldn't tell me, but promised to pay it back..
So we had a long chat, I admitted that I was shocked about the photos, but the thing that alarms me the most is that I honestly do not think that the girl is who she says she is. He never met her, it was a number given to him by a vindictive little so and so! Although we have discussed the dangers of cellphone use (as I am sure we have all done) it times like this that it becomes reality. So there is a pic of him somewhere out there 
. He said that as soon as he sent it, he knew it was wrong and its been eating at him ever since. He sent her a msg asking her to delete it, and then he deleted the girls number from his phone. She msg him since but he deletes them and ignores her.
I was also shocked that a friend of his would do this to him. He paid him and the group twice. After our discussion he stood up to them yesterday as when they went to 'collect' he told them that this is over and that he wanted all his money back. They said, I have your mothers number to which he replied, go ahead as they know all about it. They were shocked and said things like 'how could you tell your parents that etc etc'. At the end of the day, the boy who started this (his so called friend) brought his money back to him and apologized.
Oh and I found out that he had smoked too, but didn't like it so wouldn't be carrying on.............. Gawd, I didn't sleep a wink after that!!!
Thanks if you got to the end. I know some teens who are totally out of control, so to some this may seem a bit trivial, but to me its a major thing.
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My sensible 14 year old ds..
highlighta · 10/10/2013 10:29
You are doing really really well to have such a good relationship with your son.
Your son has been daft - but weren't we all at 13/14?!
The little shits, have indeed, been little shits - but seem to have come to their sense now.
If you think the 'cousin' is an adult and not a child (and if you have the phone number) I'd go to the police and tell them that you suspect it is not a child and they are sending and asking for naked photos.
If you think it is a child, I'd just let it go. Sadly this is quite common and getting younger and younger.
As for the smoking - hopefully it has put him off and I would let that go too.
Youre I just needed to get it out somewhere really...
I think I will ask ds to give me the number if she msg's again, as deep down I think it is an adult....
chipping I brushed off the smoking thing as at the time it was an overload of info, but yes I do think it has put him off. THanks, needed that bunch of flowers today 
.
First I would contact the school and tell them, as that's where the phone was taken. A naked picture of a 14yr old is child pornography. I would want to the teachers (or I would myself) explain to the boys why they cannot send it on to anyone else, as this will be seen as 'distributing child porn' and they will be in big trouble with the law. This would scare them into deleting it!!
Your poor son though, from what you've said he just deserves a big hug. We have all done stupid things! You sound like you have a wonderful relationship with him. I only hope my relationship with my son is as good as yours when mine reaches this age 
Thanks, I will try putting his sim into my phone and see if comes up. If I get the number and call it and a girl answers, it will be lesson learned. Its that churning in my stomach that is unsettling me though. I believe in Mothers Intuition......
He has charged his phone on the laptop, maybe it has backed up.... does the phone have to be connected again for me to find it on laptop? Sorry all the questions, I'm not all that technologically gifted .
Thanks everyone. Just to update: we found the number on an old sms message, I called the number and a girl answered. Afterwards ds told me that they had spoken on the phone once, so I now do think that she is who she is saying. I did only now find out that she is only 13 .
A big lesson learned here......
I also wanted to say thanks to everyone for your comments.
Well, it's good that it's not an adult preying on children - it's sad it is fast becoming the norm for our 12/13/14 year olds to be doing this (the sending of naked photos).
I would let it all go now. The boys appear to have learnt their lesson, your DS has hopefully learnt a few things and he trusts you... I don't think it's worth breaking that trust & involving the school over something that is over and isn't actually 'out of the norm' for kids these days (sad though that is).
Friday tomorrow 
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Wow, that's awful.
I think you have to involve someone (I would phone the police on the non emergency number - 101) The girls parents have to be told. She is a 13 year old girl for goodness sake What if she does this again?
The other boys could have distributed her picture to other people? Surely, this has to be investigated properly and as a matter of urgency. I think you would be very naive if you trust the other boys - even if they have 'promised' that they haven't distributed the photos.
I know your son wants you to take no further action as he thinks its 'all over' but, unfortunately, he doesn't know that and you have to do what's best for the girl too.
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