breaking up by text

[Usedtoboys]

My teenage son has just broken up with his first girlfriend - by text. It is of course up to him whether he wanted to end the relationship but he won't accept my view that this was not a nice way to behave and that he should have done it face to face. Comments please.

[livinginwonderland]

Not nice, but not uncommon either. Not as bad as my friend a few years ago - we were at university and her bf broke up with her by...changing his relationship status on Facebook and blocking her! I still can't get my head around that one (it was about five years ago).

[schoolchauffeur]

Well clearly you are right so not sure how else you can convince him. Maybe you can share with him the contents of some of the posts that appear on here.

A bit depends on what sort of relationship it was and how old he is? Are we talking 13/14 in one of those relationships that seem to be more about Facebook chat rather than actually meeting up or something more based in the real world? If the former, then still not great, but if the latter:

My 18 year old DD had a boyfriend for almost 20 months and he ended it via Facebook message while she was actually away in another country- completely out of the blue and in a fairly brutal fashion. She was absolutely devastated and it is taken her several months to get over it. They are now speaking again as friends and he has apologised and recognised how bad this was. When she asked him why he had done it in this way he said it was because he was essentially selfish and it was easier and less painful for him to end it without seeing her face to face as he knew it would be very difficult for both of them.

My DD said that the manner of the break up made her feel like she was completely worthless and "throwaway" if you can explain that to your DS. I would tell him that if you think you are old enough to be having "girlfriend/boyfriend" then you are old enough to have adult conversations to end them. It may be difficult but its just something you have to get used to doing.

[Locketjuice]

I always pre warn by text
If they want to talk I would but always break it by text..

[Usedtoboys]

Thanks for comments. I'm hoping he can find the courage to apologise face-to-face. We'll see.

[monikar]

OP, obviously you are right but it may be difficult to get DS to agree with your point of view.

DD17 recently has also had a long relationship broken off right out of the blue on facebook chat - I would agree with schoolchauffeur - it made her feel like she had been just 'thrown away' and that all they had shared had meant nothing. It has also made her over-analyse everything else about the relationship because it was done in this way. She told me that she feels that out of respect for the relationship they had shared and the time that they had had together she felt he owed her the courtesy of speaking to her face-to-face.

We all know that teenage relationships are unlikely to last and no-one should be under any obligation to stay with someone when they have decided they no longer want to be with them. I think when you discuss this with him, it is important to stress this as otherwise he may think he is not 'allowed' to break up with her. However, they want to inhabit the adult world of relationships and part of that is behaving in an adult fashion and that can be very hard.

I too hope he can apologise to her face-to-face.

[chocoluvva]

Perhaps he thinks it's okay because as other posters have said it's quite common?

That doesn't make it right though (as you say).

When my DD's BF broke up with her, after a chat in his home, she had to tearfully call to be taken home, while the BF went to 'tell his mum'. When I got to the house he scuttled away without a word to me. After all the times I'd cooked specially for him, given him lifts, been kind to his family etc. I was not impressed - even though I was pleased that the relationship was over. IMO he should have come here to have his chat with DD instead of putting her in the position of having to call home and wait for a lift while she was shocked and upset. And he should have said thank you to me for my hospitality too. Cowardly IMO. I'd have been even less impressed if he'd broken up by text.

I don't know how old your DS is, how long he went out with his GF for or if he was a regular at her home, but please feel free to show him this post from the perspective of the parent.

There's still time for him to talk to her and say sorry for breaking it off by text. It'll be uncomfortable but that's just too bad.

My DD had a friend whose GF broke up with him over the phone. Her parents were so cross at her for not telling him face to face that they phoned him to ask how he was and told him he was welcome to visit them anytime.

[secretscwirrels]

When he was 16 the love of his life broke up with DS by text. Out of the blue. She had been at our house for a meal the night before with no hint, and I had driven her home at 11.30pm. He was utterly devastated and left not knowing why. I still despise the girl on his behalf.
When he broke up with his GF of 2 years he spent weeks working up to it, went to her house and talked it through and they remained friends. In fact she is his best friend now.

Just because everyone does it doesn't make it right.

[chocoluvva]

That is very cowardly, mean behaviour.

My daughter's BF broke up with her completely out of the blue too. Neither of us have seen him since!

Hope your DS reads these posts OP.

[Usedtoboys]

He does now feel bad about it. I think a couple of mutual friends also gave him grief over it. He says he made a point of seeing her today to explain and apologise. Learning life lessons can be hard.