What do I say really to my boy that has been playing on train tracks

(29 Posts)
Shinyshoes1 Sun 12-May-13 07:56:28

He's 16 next month FFs . He knows the dangers yet he still found the need to playing in HIGH SPEED Tain tracks

I don't want to be calm I want to punch him in the face for his idiocy

I don't want to give the whole " I'm disappointed " speech

I don't want to talk to him at the moment for fear of losing my temper

Stupid stupid stupid boy

He's grounded for life ( obviously not for life ) but he's not going out as far as I can see anytime soon. I've taken his phone from him I don't know what else to do

This has hit a nerve with me. Some friends two years below me at university (I graduated last year) recently lost a friend due to him committing suicide.

By stepping onto a train track, directly into the path of a high speed train. The driver had NO chance of stopping. The lad died instantly.

People use the railways as a way to end their life deliberately, your son is playing Russian roulette with his and he needs to realize the seriousness of what he's messing with.

Okay. NR have a new website highlighting all facts and dangers of railway lines - it might have something that helps. Raillife

DSis is waiting to hear back from your local Community Officer atm - she sometimes works with individuals, but I'll contact you via PM if anything comes up with that.

How's he dealing with it all atm? Have the dangers sunk in, or is he still hand-waving it all?

jellybeans Sun 12-May-13 15:59:35

As a child we watched a film where a boy got his legs cut off from a train. After that i didn't go near a train track no matter how bad the peer pressure was (and my friends were wild).

Nehru Sun 12-May-13 14:30:55

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJNR2EpS0jw

PLay him this - will work better than you ranting

Shinyshoes1 Sun 12-May-13 14:30:09

It just makes me sick to my stomach the absolute idiocy of it

He volunteers at a centre and has a work placement that looks after vulnerable adults and children with learning difficulties he wants to go into this field when he grows up

How can he be a role model when he behaves this way ?

Also he forfeits everything if he gets a caution that will flag up on his crb

Stupid stupid boy

Shinyshoes1 Sun 12-May-13 14:27:08

That would be appreciated very much

Shinyshoes1 Sun 12-May-13 14:26:39

Thanks all mrsdimitri

I'm in Romford , Essex

Also... (she just text me again) if you PM me your general area I can give you the contact details for your local NR youth worker smile

Okay she's just text me back...

She says that generally NR do their educational spiel in Primary Schools but she'll have a look tomorrow as they have some pretty graphic and hard hitting safety videos that they use in training. Also, one of her work friends is a NR Community Officer. She goes to teach/educate kids who have been caught trespassing the dangers so DSis will see what advice she has for you. She also says, does he understand what the impact of 400 tonnes of train hitting him at 80mph will do to him (exploded bodies and little pieces to pick up) because it scares the crap out of her!

I remember how shocked DSis was after she did her track training. They had to stand 1m away from the edge of the track as a high speed train passed, so they understood the forces involved. She said the feeling of being sucked towards the train (plus the noise and sheer presence of the train) was absolutely terrifying.

If she can come up with anything to pass to you, I'll PM you. smile

My sister is a Project Manager for Network Rail - she deals with the people who scrape up teenage boys from the sides of tracks/trains for a living and the drivers who are too traumatised to work again after hitting them... She might have some good ideas (after she rants at me for a while - she gets very wound up about this sort of thing) Will come back to the thread later.

OnTheNingNangNong Sun 12-May-13 11:20:32

At the end of the day, he's not got a care about losing his life on the railway, but a caution may show him the error of his ways?

StoicButStressed Sun 12-May-13 11:12:36

He's under 16 so if that occured flow, suspect worst he would get is a caution rather than a 'police record' (& doubt that would occur anyway in a scenario where it was a parent ringing to ask them to help educate their child).

Agree with you 100% re the why but knowing the why won't - on it's own - prevent him being the next statistic if he/his mates do it again.

In a straight choice, I'd rather my DS had a caution; WAS shown the reality of fatalities; and never risked it again rather than my DS have no expertise from the BRP/no major wake-up call and end up another victim. 38 people were killed in 2011 on railway lines and hundreds more left with 'life-changing' injuries. Of those fatalities and injuries, the highest single % bracket is boys in that age range.

flow4 Sun 12-May-13 10:55:15

Don't contact the transport police unless you are prepared to deal with them prosecuting him. Round here they always press charges if they can - for at least trespass and sometimes for something like reckless endangerment. You may intend for your son just to get a good talking-to, and instead find he gets a police record. Make sure you think that's a price worth paying.

You also need to know why he was so stupid. The boys round here who do this are always off their heads. Skunk and m-cat are widely-available drugs, and powerful disinhibitors, making them feel they can do anything. Is this a possibility in your DS's case?

stargirl1701 Sun 12-May-13 10:25:03

Help him recognise that his judgement is impaired with regard to risk because he is a teenage boy? Agree on a 'risky' hobby he can pursue to get the adrenalin rush - rock climbing, bungy (sp?) jumping, sky diving, etc?

Is there an older male he could chat to? Uncle, older cousin, youth worker? It's often easier to talk to someone outside the family. My aunt has asked me to chat through some things with my younger cousins on occasion. I'm not mum and I'm closer in age to them but, hopefully, with a bit more common sense!

StoicButStressed Sun 12-May-13 10:15:19

Tell your son if he is not 'lucky enough' to be killed instantly by a train, he will suffer agonising and life changing injuries.

Tell your son if he is not 'lucky enough' to be killed instantly by stepping on a live line, he will suffer either an excruciating death or be left with 3rd degree burns and probably either loss of limbs and/or senses as could lose sight or hearing c/o the burns.

Tell your son you don't want to bury him or have to be his carer for the rest of his life.

Tell him that if he thinks 'he' will 'never' be one of those statistics then he is being - in teen speak - bare thick.

Tell him that, him and you apart, he will haunt a train driver forever as trains CAN'T SWERVE; CAN'T STOP QUICKLY; ARE NOW SO SILENT YOU DON'T HEAR THEM COMING UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE.

Tell your son other Mums - who doesn't even KNOW him - share your 'want to punch him in the face for his idiocy'. That he HAS risked his life and put YOU in a place where you could be burying him.

Sorry for brutal bluntness but my brother in law works on railways and has had to supervise pieces (of what was an alive & well teenager a few seconds previously) of what was left of a body off the track.

Would also suggest you slam him in front of PC and watch the 'Perspectives' vid at www.rail-life.co.uk (& poss the Professor Green too if he thinks it's just parents who are boring enough to know the horrifyingly real risks of train tracks).

CheeseStrawWars Sun 12-May-13 09:38:46

American, but recent - a 17 year old boy was killed by train after playing "chicken" on the tracks with 3 mates. He died almost exactly a month ago. Tell your son you don't want to be watching a video talking about his death:

www.examiner.com/video/teen-struck-by-train-may-have-been-playing-chicken-1

So stupid. So avoidable.

As well as all these great ideas could you help your DS get into some other thing that definitely didn't involve train-tracks. I'm thinking of something like skate-boarding or BMX biking at a skate park (my DS enjoys that alot)
Talk to others he goes there with and their parents ?
Just a few more ideas.
Good luck !
There's quite a good "ad" on TV at the moment about a girl getting distracted at a crossing and getting hit by a train, has he seen that one ?

Bigwuss Sun 12-May-13 09:24:34

I can understand why you are worried, some teenagers have such a poor ability to judge risk. I'm including mine in this too.
I'm assuming he wasn't playing on his own, so it worth mentioning it to the school/college so that have the opportunity do so something like the video.

LynetteScavo Sun 12-May-13 08:14:26

I would be shouting and giving him the "you are a fucking idiot" speech.

Every year before the summer holiday we were shown a film/given a talk about the dangers of the railway. Partly because there had once been an incident near the school. It really got to us. I think your DS needs something similar.

ClaraOswald Sun 12-May-13 08:08:54

Destroyed itself.

ClaraOswald Sun 12-May-13 08:08:36

When I was a teenager, the toddler brother of a school friend was hit a killed by a train. He had wriggled through a gap in the fence on a family walk. The family nearly d

lisad123everybodydancenow Sun 12-May-13 08:05:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnChartered Sun 12-May-13 08:05:25

Agree with letting Transport Police tell him how many pieces they've had to pick up, and maybe some drivers too, to recount the terrifying experience of seeing a person a few hundred yards ahead when they have zero chance of stopping.

Babybeesmama Sun 12-May-13 08:03:30

I'm sure if you google it you could find some stories online of things that have happened to people who did same thing? Might shock him? Scary tho isn't it! You just want to keep them safe! X

Shinyshoes1 Sun 12-May-13 08:01:27

Yes I could what a good idea . I could get in touch with them

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