As a single parent of three children who have "all gone wrong" in their own delightful ways in their own time, I struggle a lot with the feeling that it must be because of me, and read this forum from time to time, and realise others go through similar situations, (thanks, lovely Mumsnetters, although I'm still not convinced it's not me). Nowadays, I have 2 grown up a bit and away from home and am left with the youngest, the boy, who is worse than his sisters ever were. Because I have been living with the constant and incessant stealing, absconding, truanting, lying, overdoses, violence, hysteria, etc etc ad nauseum, after 8 years when firstborn kicked off to the point when lastborn is now 17, I quite frankly have given up and decided it's their choice to behave this way, and am virtually a prisoner in my own house. By that I mean I have a lock on my bedroom door so that I can feel a bit more safe and confident that I won't have my stuff stolen, I clear a space in my kitchen so that I can cook and wash up and put away what I used and need again, I sweep away the crap in the living room so that I can sit and watch TV... How ridiculous is that? And I'm am not a wuss, more a fighter. My estranged husband has undermined me every step of the way by constantly buying them expensive things they haven't worked towards, and left me with the aftermath of a 'good guy, bad guy' scenario.
Today, I had a bit of a reality check... I have a colleague who has a 'just teen' who is causing him and his wife a lot of problems, and they are struggling and he talks to me about his lad from time to time. I said, hey, here's a picture I took on my 'phone last night of how I live, and showed him my front room... (I have never taken a picture before but I was getting to the end of my tether.) There were 17 unwashed cups, plates, dirty socks on the floor, an uncovered duvet on the floor, and the room stank to high heaven etc etc. He was absolutely astonished and said "that's your living room?". And, yes, that's what I share and have to live with. I could cry (again). There is no communication whatsoever with the boy who has his ear phones in all the time and pushes past me when I try to speak, and refuses to clear up a shared space. I am so used to living like this, but showing it to someone else made me realise that this is absolutely bloody awful. I know I have given up and am counting down the days until he leaves home, and that is not how parenting should be. It's like a bereavement. He's bigger than me and there is absolutely zero communication. I try on a daily basis and say "good morning, how are you, what are you up to today?" and get no response whatsoever, but I think "hey, I'm a person too, just say hello". Am I failing the third one too because I've just having had enough of all this awfulness?
I realise, on re-reading this, I've said "I, I, I" a lot . I really don't know how to reconnect with this lad who obviously hates me (probably because I have been estranged from his (Asperger's) father for many, many years) and is so disrespectful of the things he takes for granted. He can't be happy in this mess either, or do they just not care?
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I had a bit of a reality check today... Anyone else live like this?
29 replies
Whattodowithit · 08/05/2013 23:10
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