Dd's bedroom is REVOLTING. WWYD?

(160 Posts)
TheSecondComing Mon 17-Dec-12 10:39:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

This thread has at least given me a feeling of solidarity with some of yougrin

I honestly thought my dd was the most manky of all the manky girls in the world but that decsription of crusty-knicker-lined-tights made me realise I am not alone!

Bonsoir I don't allow it, but she is a sneaky little bugger at times and sometimes is home alone.

2blessed ha busted big time for your dsd!

I am seriously considering witholding xmas gifts atm. I'll let her have one on xmas morning and then no more if it hasn't been sodding sorted properly before then. I refuse to do it myself anymore and am waaay more stubborn than my filthy first born wink

iclaudius Mon 17-Dec-12 11:19:18

Been there done it - sympathies
I always cleaned it but it didn't stay tgat way - shed have it minging again in days ...... I understand how it messes with your head too .... Lihe two fingers up at you every time you walk past her door ...
I did resort to binning it

poshfrock Mon 17-Dec-12 11:19:24

My DSS is 12 and I can see we are heading down this route although at the moment we don't have the rotting food issue. Last week he was told to tidy his room on Monday. He didn't so I confiscated his Xbox and laptop. on Wednesday the TV and phone went. On Thursday I removed the lightbulb from his room so all he could do in there was sleep. I also refused to wash any clothes not in his laundry bin. On Friday he tidied his room. The next sanction would have been pocket money ( due Saturday). I say confiscate TV and refuse to allow boyfriend to stay. Next stop would be bag it all up and bin it.

ThatBlokesANutter Mon 17-Dec-12 11:20:35

My 14 year old would be similar if i let her.

The answer for me is very simple... I do it myself! I pop in there cheerily every other day with a bin bag and she is told very clearly... if her bedroom is not to my liking i will just merrily bin what I don't like the look of.

Cue many occasions where she cannot find crucial homework/ such and such a top/ her hair band etc... well, if it's in a pile of rubbish on the floor, in the bag it went.

This sort of works. She knows to keep her floor clear etc. I also make her hoover in there twice a week and change her bedding every week.

I can imagine this may be harder at 18.

I was terrible as a teenager. I can clearly remember lying in bed one night and I could hear a funny sound - like bubbling water. I looked under my bed and it was a glass of fresh orange juice from a month or so previous, all fermenting and green.

And another occasion when I opened my cupboard and removed a half eaten plate of dinner.. it had been in there a few months. I'd obviously been half way through it and didnt fancy it so put it in with all my clothes.

Oh and the time my Dad went mental as i had 19 teaspoons and yogurt pots in my room

My family laugh now as i am a neat freak and slightly OCD in how i like thiNGS. so there is hope

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding Mon 17-Dec-12 11:20:39

She's 18 and old enough to know better, if she was younger then i'd leave her to it but this is your home and she is a grown adult.
Tell her to clean it up or you will, either that or she needs to find somewhere new to live.

poshfrock Mon 17-Dec-12 11:22:10

And rotting food may not be the worst of it. My DSD ( who no longer lives with us) used to hide used sanitary towels down the back of her bed and in her knicker drawer. I'd go in with gloves if I were you.

SantasLittleControlGeek Mon 17-Dec-12 11:23:58

x posted, just seen your posts about college packed lunches. Perhaps introduce a kitchen pitstop before she can go up to her room? Maybe have a chat with her about why she isn't eating her sandwiches - if all her friends are wanting to eat out, maybe she would prefer to spend her money on that. At least that way you aren't wasting food.

piprabbit Mon 17-Dec-12 11:26:38

I think that having some sort of household agreement might be the way to go, especially if it applies to everyone in the house so your DD isn't being 'unfairly' singled out.

Maybe think very carefully about where you want to draw the lines. IMO it is her choice if she wants to keep her belongings on the floor, yes it's messy and annoying but something you can simply shut the door on. It would be the food waste and crockery that would be huge "no's" for me because that is actually a health and vermin risk.
I'd also stop doing her laundry, if she wants to wear grubby clothes that is her choice but I suspect she will quickly take responsibility for her laundry.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Mon 17-Dec-12 11:28:06

Is she eating lunch with her college mates? If she is you're probably on a hiding to nothing making her pack-ups, if she's like lots of teens she is not going to want to be the one eating sandwiches from home while they devour MaccyD's or whatever they're having.

Theas18 Mon 17-Dec-12 11:28:11

My nearly 17yr old lives in a pit. But at least its a food/rotting food free pit...I often wonder why I don't just chuck his clothes through the open door! It reeks!

Trouble is he is golden otherwise so it's hard to know what to do.

in the past i've just sorted it every 9 months or so having nagged till I'm fed up...

Drinks in bedroom, not food here.

Good news is DD1 had a pretty rancid pit too but her room at uni is soooo tidy!

InExitCelsisDeo Mon 17-Dec-12 11:29:11

18! <faints>

DD is 13 and we have had this for well over a year, and I was hoping by 18 she might have some fucking sense.

Last time I bottomed it I found 11 damp towels, as well as rotting food and mouldy mugs.

It is now so bad that she has moved into the spare room to sleep.

<weeps>

iclaudius Mon 17-Dec-12 11:32:04

My daughter just wore my clothes when I stopped doing her laundry - and this was only when shed put clean ironed stuff in the wash basket as too idle to put it away ....
No other siblings were minging - just her so in our case she was defibitely not singled out ...
Depressing

Kormachameleon Mon 17-Dec-12 11:33:33

Charge her rent

An ban all food and drink upstairs . It's tough that she can't study elsewhere but that is a luxury she doesn't have living as an adult in your house

Washing to go to laundrette - if it isn't in the basket with everyone else's. she can be responsible for it at her own cost

Harsh but she is an adult. At her age I had a mortgage and lived with my now DH

Violet77 Mon 17-Dec-12 11:36:14

I was just like that, now have a v clean home :-)

No way will i tolerate that, i think my mum allowed us to be messy for years. In your situation i would be issuing a Deadline for inspection, then go in and have a good clean and tidy.

wordfactory Mon 17-Dec-12 11:37:00

DD (13) is much worse than her brother.

We keep it under control by allowing no food whatsoever upstairs. We have a mouse problem (especially during the harvests) so everyone knows how we need to live in order to keep our friends at bay.

The mess we sort periodically. To be fair DD prefers it when it's tidy so is willing to do it if I help/supervise/take over from time to time.

I have however, given up hope that she will maintain it.

"Not put her clothes back in to her room after washing and bag them up u til she's run out?"

I wouldn't be doing her washing in the first place.

Tell her to bring the cups down and wash them now.

wordfactory Mon 17-Dec-12 11:38:35

OP could you tell a complete lie and say you've seen mice?

Would that push her into at least keeping the food out of her room?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Mon 17-Dec-12 11:41:42

oh this was me as a teen blush i dont know how my mum coped but she just left me to it and eventually started cleaning it. i had always been a perfectionist, room perfect right up until i hit about 16 and started having a social life, room went to pot for a while then one day i cleaned up and never looked back. i went on to have an imaculate home of my own so there is hope.

FireOverBethlehem Mon 17-Dec-12 11:42:59

"She's obviously not ashamed, her boyfriend stayed over on Saturday night, in the bedroom with the mouldy food/mouldy mugs in"

So stop him coming until the room has been tidied up. He can come in to help her tidy but cannot come into the house as a guest until your DD can show that she's able to keep her room clean enough to receive guests.

Oh, and get a cheap set of mugs all one colour and those are the only ones she can take upstaris. Put them on mug trees and if all mugs aren't accounted for by bedtime, the modem's off next day, Same with the day's washing. You need an initial push to get the room clean, and a way of stopping it creeping back.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Mon 17-Dec-12 11:43:28

eventually I started cleaning it. she went nowhere near it!

TheSecondComing Mon 17-Dec-12 11:52:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FirstTimeForEverything Mon 17-Dec-12 11:56:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSecondComing Mon 17-Dec-12 11:56:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Mon 17-Dec-12 11:57:54

It does pass, honestly it does. Sometimes though with DD, I just had to put my foot down. DD is now 22 and keeps on top of her room for the most part. She still does the clothes thing from time to time but the other stuff has stopped maybe due to me loading it al in black sacks and throwing it out into the garden every now and then taking matters into my own hands from time to time but it has stopped. She even keeps the house clean for me now when she's home and I'm at work. Sometimes shock tactics work. Until they really see how upset we parents are it seems to skim over their heads.

anameforahouse Mon 17-Dec-12 11:59:40

Can't you just say - this is happening. We are calling a room amnesty. Cups down at 8pm, room tidied on Tuesdays. And help her actually do it, at first, so she gets used to it.

What would happen?

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