my son is 14 and in the last few months he has been very moody ,he says he hates living here with us,that his siblings are awful and he cant stand them ,he has nothing in his life thats good ,he feels he doesn't have any skills (school wise) that his life is boring .
all this i think can be normal teenage stuff but as both me and dh have a history of anxiety and depression it really weighs heavy on my mind.
he has lots of friends (mostly female) and he has a girlfriend that he has been with for over a year but she is very busy with clubs and social life so he doesn't see her much.
He never tells me anything so i have had a look at his messages on facebook (to rule out bullying as much as anything else)
one message to his best friend said something like having to stay in a house with people you hate is like torture!
its very hurtfull i really try to be a good mum but he makes me feel like im failing all the time
another big thing is that we have been struggling financially and he cant have the things he wants ,like i cant always get him credit and he makes us feel so bad its like his life depends on it .
he is still eating and sleeping normally and he goes to school and seems to enjoy it so im sure if he were depressed those things would be affected.
im just looking for some prespective
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Normal teenage behavior or is he depressed?
wonderingwendy · 16/12/2012 10:02
TBH what you have written sounds like standard teenager behaviour. I wouldn't take too much notice of his messages to his friends - I once saw what my DS had written about me on MSN and was 
but we have a really good relationship. It's all bravado.
Keep an eye on his sleeping & eating if you are concerned - these would usually be affected by depression or anxiety.
From what I can remember, 14 was a really difficult age. I think DS1 (he is 20 now) and I nearly came to blows a few times due to his attitude around that age.
You are doing the right thing. Just keep reminding him that you are there for him should he need you.
It will pass. 
Ignore what you see him write on Facebook. If I believed half of what my kids write on Facebook I would leave home.
dd can sit here happily watching tv and chatting with us, and at the same time write things like "my mum has spent the whole evening yelling at me, it's not fair, I hate my family" 
.
If he is happily going to school, has friends, and has interests outside school that he attends with enthusiasm, then he is probably a fairly normal teenager. Many teenagers seem to almost enjoy being negative about everything.
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Is there something at home you could try and get him interested in: cooking/baking, a bike to fix up, a room to decorate (ok, maybe aiming a bit high!) something you perhaps need doing yourself and could start off with him ... ? My ds 15 can be very independent but then reverts to being very needy. He too asks for long hugs at bedtime sometimes, needs help or 'moral support' when sitting down to some piece of homework or revision. He's very up and down. His extra-curricular interests are outdoor based so with short daylight hours he's not doing much out of school at present, and being GCSE year school itself is quite full-on, so he's down and needy at present.
I am sure a lot of what your ds is going through is an age thing, it is difficult for them to know where they fit in, what their interests are and hard for them to maintain confidence and momentum. Again, my ds at present looks to his future and cannot get excited or feel inspired or motivated. He 'hates' school at the moment and that is clouding everything. He talks to me though, so at least that leaves a window for me to try and help him and to monitor how his mood is. Good luck. 
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