Mumsnet Talk

Ds 1 is 13. He is quiet and quite introverted. He's the eldest of 3 and they've all been driving us mad recently with bickering and appalling manners, especially at the dinner table. Tonight he went to his piano lesson and DH was outside listening. He said Ds was really cheeky and disinterested and just a disgrace really. I consider myself quite strict generally and am forever pulling them up on their manners. I don't really know why he thinks that's a reasonable way to behave.

He was punished, he went straight to bed and lost his pocket money for this week.

Does he want to have piano lessons?
Maybe you ought to sit down and chat about what he does want from life. If he is quiet and introverted he possibly can't tell you that they are very different from what you want.

13? What do you expect.....they all lack manners with their own family at that age. You would probably find he comes across as an angel when visiting friends houses and speaking to their parents!

Sounds like he isn't really interested in the piano and why was DH listening in ? I agree with exotic.... perhaps he feels a bit railroaded into your expectations of his life.

Also give an example, how strict is strict? Could be counter productive if he is left feeling like he can do no right.

At what age did he say that he wanted piano lessons? Have you asked him how it is going and whether he wants to continue? How often does he see you or his father practising a musical instrument?

I have a quiet introverted DS1 (13). But in the house it's another story. He treats DS2 terribly sometimes and he can be very rude to us.

For Christmas he said he wanted 'some bloody respect around here'.

I agree that he probably doesn't want to do piano lessons. Are you "making" him?

No, not making him! DH was not listening in, just sitting outside. I know they're not angels but I do expect them to be polite and listen when a teacher is speaking to them. And he sees me play the piano most days.
He doesn't do much outside school and he is musical, really quite good if I say so myself!
If I let me do what he wanted, he would play Xbox all day and watch tv and not interact with another human being all day. I don't want that for him

I will check with him whether he still wants to go. Sorry that other reply sounded very ungrateful! I just don't want him to lounge around in his room all the time. And even if he doesn't want to go, he doesn't need to be rude to people

I don't think that it has to be piano lessons or his own room. Sit down and chat. He is old enough to understand that it is a complete waste of money to have music lessons if he makes no effort and can't even be polite to the teacher. ( if I was the teacher I would be refusing to teach him any more).
Ask him what he does want to do. Ration the Xbox.

My DS - same age - is similar - would spend all day in front of a screen given half a chance. He gets piano 'lessons' from me as he is very musical. He won't go to a piano teacher and only practises for forthcoming events.
However, he started double bass lessons 15 months ago and now goes to the local orchestra and school music groups.
The sticking point with the piano is that the music is mostly classical. (Same with double bass mostly, but he enjoys playing in a group).
How about guitar or if you could stand it a drum kit for your DS?