advice needed re 14yr dd iPad

[applefalls]

Morning! New poster in this bit, just wanted some sage advice. My dd is relatively easy to parent; academic, sporty, conscientious. She's always been a very private child and I want to respect that. Last night I noticed she's put a password on her i-Pad. We have a rule that dh & I know everyone's passwords for everything.

I watched her enter it and this morning I snooped looked and saw that she's set up several new accounts, nothing bad, just fan mail for a boy band and posting pictures of them. But I don't recognise many of the people she's corresponding with.

My own teens were horrible and chaotic, and I made some stupid and unsuitable choices, so I really am at sea not wanting to project here. I know she's not me and maybe I'm just panicking in case she gets into the kind of trouble I did, though I don't have any signs of that, I just want to get it right.

How do I broach this with her without her feeling that I spied on her or don't trust her? She hates 'awkward mum' conversations, but opens up to dh. I'm worried that he'll go into overprotective mode and she'll clam up.

I know in the scheme of things this isn't the end of the world, but how do I nip this secretiveness in the bud, or is it all part of letting go? I'd be so grateful for a few perspectives on this?

TIA

[lljkk]

I imagine that ideally you are completely open & up front. Would tell her that you're trying to find the balance between giving her privacy & making sure she's protected from dangers she isn't mature enough to recognise. And then together you talk thru the lines, where you draw them together, when she is allowed to have own password etc. Which is obviously subject to review.

You've got to convince her that you're interested because you want to keep her safe, not that you are interested in invading her privacy or controlling her life or preventing age-appropriate exploration.

Tricky balance, I know, still finding my own way.