Looking for some advice if you don't mind - bit long, sorry.
My son is 19 and lives with me. I don't have a partner or any other children. I get on well with my Ex - my son's dad who is remarried and has other children.
My son has, throughout his life had everything he wants, a solid education, a girlfriend, studying for A levels and looking forward to university. Then he got friendly with a group of people who pretty much smoked canabbis all day every day.
Two years on, he scraped through his A levels, has lost his girlfriend (I found out recently it was due to the canabbis) and he decided not to go to uni. He's now floating, getting up mid afternoon, going out with his mates, I come home from work and he's not in, he says he'll be home for dinner, he turns up about 2 in the morning, leaves his dinner, grabs snacks from the fridge and goes to bed. And so the cycle continues the next day. I hardly ever see him and when I do he appears spaced out and slurs his words. Having checked his facebook which he left logged on, I can see he's pretty much doing what his friends do every day. He has no interest in looking for a job even though I've helped him with his CV and tried to find jobs for him to apply for - he's not interested. All he seems to want from me is money.
I spoke to his Dad and said I needed some help to help my son. We decided we'd talk to him and he was given the option of staying living with me, but would need to seek help for his canabbis problem, drop his friends so it stops the temptation and actively look for a job. Or he could go and live with his Dad for a while, change of scene, away from his friends, and his Dad would try and help him find a job. If he chose neither of these options, we told him he would need to leave home completely. We both made it clear how much we loved him and wanted to help.
He admitted everything about the canabbis, and after some thought decided he'd move in with his Dad for a while to remove himself from the friend situation for a while. A fresh start. He left this morning.
I know this is the most sensible option for my boy and I feel, very mature on his part. So why am I sitting here this evening, my heart feels like its breaking, in floods of tears feeling like I've failed my son? I love him more than anything and right now just want him home. But I know he'll just go back to his old ways.......so my question is could I have done/be doing any more to help him? Have I just pushed him away and made him think i don't care or want him? Any advice would be gratefully received thx
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Feeling like I've failed my son :(
10 replies
sosad123 · 15/09/2012 21:54
OP posts:
Asmywhimsytakesme ·
15/09/2012 22:20
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