Hi,
I have joined this for advice because I am at a loose end, to cut a story short, I have moved to France with my DSH and my two children, 7 and 10. My eldest went to University, which he had planned to do before we planned to move.
After 7 months of us living here, we now have fallen out as my eldest beleives that we no longer care about him and he feels abandoned by us. His main arguements are that, firstly we didn't put that much effort in when it came to university, (as in going on open days with him), or where he chose to go. He is also upset over the fact that we have not been to see him whilst he has been at university.
Along with this he also feels aggreived with some of the status updates I post on Facebook about France, his line has changed from liking France to hating it completely, he argues this is because of all the comments I make about how i prefer France to England and how I never wish to return, I personally feel this is out of order since I am entitled to voice how I feel just as much as him.
There is much more but I do not want to bore you, a final poignant point I feel is that my son also feels angered by the lack of money we have been able to give him. As with our move we set up a business, which has swallowed up mostly all of our income, he argued whilst this may have been a neccessity it could have been slowly phased in so the funding would have been available to him if he ran into difficulty, as currently as it stands we have not given him any money for help at University.
I have now told my son to apologise for these comments and saying them to me in a harsh and rather hateful way, he is not the son i have raised to respect his mother, and I have told him he is not welcome until i receive an apology for this outburst.
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Is my son out of line and am i over reacting
Undervaluedmother1972 · 22/08/2012 04:30
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Oh my. It's so hard when we only have what you write to go on, but my gut instinct is to feel sorry for your son, rather than you, in this situation. :(
I think I too, aged 18, would have made blunt comments about the fact that your DH hasn't seen his children for over a year. As a child (which let's face it, he only recently isn't officially) the thought of one of our parents doing that to us is terrifying, even if we don't articulate it as such. I have never met my biological father either, and my mother is now on her third husband (although thankfully I was 18 at the time she left her first husband, who was abusive). My husband is also the product of a family who split, have had several remarriages with subsequent children. We have both had very very difficult relationships with our parents and lots of therapy! So much is at stake, so very much, and your son no matter how he may appear, just needs love and confirmation that you will be a rock in his life.
Btw, my first instinct to you saying you don't want to help him with his forms because it costs money to send them back to the UK was utter despair. I hope to God that I am rooting for my children throughout their whole lives and doing whatever I can to help them, even if that means shelling out on a few stamps! 
You really don't LIKE your son, do you OP. You refuse to even fill in the student finance forms to declare your change in circumstances which would entitle him to more money because you're too mean and too lazy.
The poor lad has visited you 3 times in 7 months and each time has fled after a few days because he feels so unwelcome.
And your husband has no contact with his own 4 DC because of the move? 
So how does that not qualify as having abandoned his kids exactly?
Contenders for crap parenting award of the year methinks.
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