DD not wanting me to attend dance show

[FizzyLaces]

My DD is 15 and has been at a dance summer school for the last couple of weeks (she is a really good dancer but is a bit shy). She has just told me she doesn't want me to go to the show at the end. Is this normal for teen girls? I asked her why and she couldn't give me an answer. I love seeing her perform but don't want to upset her by going when she has asked me not to....

[Catsmamma]

has she been going , or bunking off?

[FizzyLaces]

Haha, no she has def been going :)

[HecateHarshPants]

Perhaps phone the teacher and have a chat about how she's getting on and ask if s/he has any idea why she doesn't want you to come along?

Could be that she's shy, or feels like having you there would make her feel under pressure, could even be that she's not got a good part or something.

Will everyone else's parents be there? How is she going to manage, if shyness is the problem, with all of them? Could it be that she can perform in front of people she doesn't know but feels self conscious in front of those she does?

[MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea]

Dd used to be like this with dh...didn't want him watching her. Maybe she felt he'd be bored or critical.
Not saying you would be of course..,but dh always felt a bit uncomfortable at things like that.

Maybe she feels the other girls are better?

[FizzyLaces]

I am not sure she is cut out for the stage TBH and while the other girls in her dance school look like they are at home, she always looks like a startled rabbit!

She has never wanted her Dad or stepdad at thes trhings, but this is the first time she has asked me not to go

I think it is probably because she is shy... I will drop in to see the teacher tomorrow after she has finished for the day.

[noteventhebestdrummer]

Had this same scenario with DS at this age when he was singing a solo in a concert. I told him I would be so upset not to hear him but that I would sit right at the back where he couldn't see me, that way he wouldn't be put off but I would be able to listen. This worked fine!
I don't think I had been embarassingly gushy on other occasions and I do think it was good that I told him I would be really hurt not to be there but would try and minimise his anxieties. It's a very sensitive age and performing in public can reveal more than they want to reveal to us, perhaps.

[chocoluvva]

My DD who is 15 went through a phase of not wanting me or her teacher to attend her public solo performances. However after a series of successful performances she now asks me to go (not that I NEED asking). She used to say I made her more nervous. I don't know what's changed but hopefully this is just a phase that your DD is going through too.

[musicposy]

This is normal.

DD1 went to a 6th form induction fortnight. A week of it was dance (she'll be doing A level and BTEC dance). They put together a dance and told the teens to invite their parents for the show at the end.

DD told me that lots of the class had not even invited their parents. She said to me "I'm telling you because I trust you not to come."

Apparently two parents turned up. The teacher was a bit put out that no parents bothered!

DD's dance school have a watching week at the end of term. I used to love it. Since she hit about 13 I have been told not to come. I've been along to see DD2, but DD1 is correct - there are no parents watching the older groups.

Maybe one day your DD will be a dancer for real and then you can pay to sneak into the back of the audience unnoticed

[FizzyLaces]

Thanks all, that is very reassuring! I would love to see her, but only if she wants to be seen It is just a wee top up dance course as she has had quite a boring summer with me & DP working and I wanted her to keep busy, so not a huge deal.

[MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea]

Dd is currently doing a musical theatre workshop at a quite well renowned school.
She has had us in stitches, as it is a lot of dancing, which she doesn't do...she sings. So she is having to pirouette and high kick with all these very experienced teenagers, and had to go to bed early last night as she was shattered.
But she has laughed it off, said she'll probably at the back for the show...however, she stunned them all with her voice.