Too much fake tan

[Ameilia71]

Hi everyone,

Am worried about my 15 year old daughter. She's into the fake tan, eyelashes, extensions etc. I wish I had never let her get away with it in the first place but she's getting where she won't go out of the house without it all on! She admitted to me yesterday she hates the way she looks. She is a lovely looking girl and I have made sure to tell her so but she can't see all the slap makes her look worse. I have banned her from using it all, but don't know why she feels so bad about herself. Would be grateful for any advice.

[bigTillyMint]

Does she hate the way she looks with the fake tan on, or off? DO all her friends dress/make-up the same way?

[Ameilia71]

Sorry, should have been clearer. She hates the way she looks without it. Her hairs to thin, eyelashes not long enough, she's too pale (in her eyes). Some of her friends do, and to be honest they look worse. But her best friend doesn't wear any of it.

[SecretSquirrels]

Only boys here so can't advise directly.
I don't know why they do it, at 15 they look lovely without any help.{Old fogey here}. I suspect it's largely peer pressure as many of the girls that age seem to go OTT with make up.
I do know though that the boys and their friends really dislike the heavily made up / fake tan look on girls.

[bigTillyMint]

I agree Secret. Does she watch alot of TOWIE, etc?

Does she "do" anything that makes her feel good on the inside? I mean is there anything she feels that she is good at and gives her a sense of who she is?

[Ameilia71]

Its what she said about hating the way she looks thats really upset me. It was ok when it was just a bit of fun for her. Now I can't do anything right. If I ban her from it she thinks I'm doing it to get at her but if I let her continue to wear it all aren't I just telling her she does need to change the way she looks? My son was so much easier than this!

[Ameilia71]

Oh God, bigTilly, she loves TOWIE. I think its the worst thing ever!

[sugarice]

I'm also a Mum of boys but was and still am very critical of my appearance as I see it. Could you suggest she went without the hair extensions as they'll end up permanently damaging her natural hair and scalp if she's having them done regularly.

[bigTillyMint]

DD watches TOWIE and MIC and any other crap that is on. We spend our whole time criticising the way the girls look on it..... It is addictive though

Can you stop funding the fake tan/make-up etc and get her BF on-side to convince her not to wear it any more?

[Ameilia71]

Good idea, will talk to the BF, hopefully she'll make a difference. Am going to ban her from wearing it all at school, am sure you will hear the fireworks where ever you are!

[bigTillyMint]

That's a good start.

I think she also needs to find something that makes her feel good about herself inside - not just worrying about how she looks, but to realise that people like her for who she is.

[Ameilia71]

She used to be into gymnastics and dancing until she hurt her foot a couple of years ago, think that knocked her confidence a bit. She's quite good at art but if I complement her all she says it "you have to say that, you're my mum". I can't win!

[bigTillyMint]

Oh dear! ...DD does gym - not looking forward to when she doesn't want to do it any more - shes nearly 13 now...!

[thebackson12]

I think banning is to be honest the wrong way to go, most teenagers have poor confidence for a bit. its a very confusing time.

if her confidence was that low she would be very withdrawn and socially poor/awkward, the fact she has a good social life is a good sign, the fake tan business is just one of those things tbf.

[schoolchauffeur]

Could you go with her to a salon for a bit of a girly/bonding day and get her a make up lesson from a professional onhow best to treat her skin and apply some subtle make up etc

You could still be saying "I don't think you need any of this stuff" but if you do want to wear makeup why don't we get someone to show us how to do it so we make ourselves look the best?
The professional make-up person might appeal to her "Celeb Interest"?

I took my DD for a skin treatment as she was having a lot of problems with her skin ( in part I think for refusing to believe me that it works better when you clean your skin properly twice a day rather than just slapping spot cream on!) and the therapist ( who I had spoken to in advance) was brilliant- showed her how to cleanse, use some simple scrubs/masks, told her how lovely her skin was etc and showed her some simple make up tips which she loved.

She has continued with the routine over the last few months and she can really see the difference and often goes without make-up etc at all as her skin looks so much clearer.

[bigTillyMint]

That's a good idea schoolchauffeur - maybe she will listen to a pretty young beautician