Sibling Rivalry - of the teenage kind..

[Itsaphase]

I had the worst row with my 15 year old twins last night - all three of us screaming at each other. It can go from peace and harmony to WWIII in a nanosecond. I feel so much better for reading these posts - entirely human! My biggest problem is that my boy/girl twins despise each other. They literally spend no time together, and could not be more different. As a single parent it is becoming increasingly depressing and stressful living in a house with 2 people who argue practically every time they share the same air space. My daughter is THE Drama Queen and over reacts when my son (THE wind up artist) winds her up (by this i mean he stares at her/sits by her/makes noises/pretends to read her phone over her shoulder as he walks past - we are not talking major here, but we are talking deliberate). Her voice - when shrieking at full volume - goes RIGHT through me and results in massive adrenaline rush, and me in instant fury. I feel like i am losing the plot: I don't know if i should punish him for these little things or tell her to suck it up and learn to deal with irritating people. I have told her countless times he only does it because she reacts and to walk away, but she always (always!) takes this as criticism and says i should be punishing him and I am a crap mum. I have tried all ways and I am slowly loosing the will...........

[AdventuresWithVoles]

They are playing you & each other.
Sorry, no solutions, but it's worthwhile to not cast anyone as the villain. They could both walk away from their conflicts, if they really wanted to.

[sashh]

I don't know if i should punish him for these little things or tell her to suck it up

Punish him - he is starting it. Would you put up with him doing it to you? And as he isn't doing it to you you have no idea how irritating it is. When I learned to not react to my brother being annoying he started hitting me to get a reaction.

[AdventuresWithVoles]

You cannot hover & be on top of them.
Are they the only 2 DC? Could you constantly involve one of them in what you're doing?

[FayeGovan]

am reading with interest...

[FFSIvehadenoughofthisnow]

I also have boy/girl twins, age 14. Your OP sounds very familiar to me! I think part of the problem is that boys mature more slowly than girls, so in my case dd is signicantly more advanced both in terms of physical and social maturity.

DD sees her brother as an annoying little boy, whereas DS just doesn't get it that his sister is now a young woman and doesn't want to mess about with him like she used to. It's all attention seeking from him, the problem is the more he does it, the more she withdraws from him!

I think you have to tell him to stop, and punish him if he doesn't. Annoying boys need to be made aware of what they're doing, and that it's not okay. But also, my dd now retreats to her room if it gets too much, and he is not allowed in without permission.

And, as a single mum, you are also entitled to some peace in your own home. In a couple of years ds will catch up with dd developmentally, and peace will return (in fact I think we'll probably be lucky to get more that a grunt from ds's!)

[smed]

Itsaphase - OMG i could have written your message!! we live parrell lives!!! I too have Boy/girl twins who cant breath the same air!! I hate to say that mine are 17 and still no better, they now argue about bigger stuff, (not) who is hoovering, the internet speed and the TV remote to name just a few, I am the bad guy all the time as I apparently take sides!! I am considering refitting the garage and only being available by appointment!! Someone said something to me recently which is so true - as a parent of teenagers, you are a "hotel recptionist" - available whenever you are needed and ignored when you are not, know the answer to everything (even where other peoples possessions are) and able to organise everything, food transport, money and other request at a moments notice!!!!