Phone/Facebook passwords

[FFSIvehadenoughofthisnow]

I insist that my 14 year old DD tells me her passwords for her phone and Facebook, mainly because if she knows that I can check up on her it will stop her doing anything stupid (which she has in the past).

Not surprisingly she gets really annoyed, but I do feel that this is the best way of protecting her from Internet/text dangers.

I was just wondering whether other mums of teenagers do this, or am I being totally OTT?

I'm ready for a roasting!!

[dexterthecat]

No you're not being OTT. There will be loads of people who come on here telling you that you are 'invading their privacy' and showing that you 'don't trust them' but they are children and contrary to their own beliefs don't know everything.

In my job I come across a lot of situations with teenagers and am shocked at how little their parents seem to know what is going on with them. Probably the most shocking was the 14 year old girl arranging to meet random men for sex via BBM. Yes it may seem extreme. She didn't appear to have any obvious issues but her friends at school were very worried about her and told her what she was doing was wrong but she wouldn't listen. A number of the men on BBM were telling her to leave them alone as she was obviously underage. Her mother was completely oblivious to what was going on.

[FFSIvehadenoughofthisnow]

Thanks dexter, that helps.

I think a lot of parents do not realise how easy it is for teenagers to get into difficulties online, in all sorts of ways. They really need our protection, unfortunately I had to learn this the hard way and I'm not going to make the same mistake again!

[usualsuspect]

I think at 14,you should let her have some privacy

[jomojomum]

I can see your dilemma and appreciate both sides. My youngest DD is only 12 and so too young for fb but as "all her friends" are on it and it's how they keep in touch and gossip endlessly, as well as make arrangements etc I understood when she felt out of the loop, so agreed she could have have an account as long as I could vet her privacy settings and know her password. For us this was a good solution, as I can discretely keep an eye on what she is posting and messaging, which has proved invaluable. I don't mention or share what I see but it gives an insight into her world, as she is hurry to grow up and being very teenage, stroppy and uncommunicative. I agree it is an invasion of her privacy but having seen some of the things that are there, (like her telling friends she could get alcohol from our cupboard) I feel it is more important I know to keep her safe at this still very young age.

My dd and friends were all befriended by a girl who started asking things like what is your bra size, where and when are you meeting? To start with they were all taken in by her, but none of them knew her and she turned out to be a man and was reported. Her school have been very helpful by talking to them all about fb safety. They showed all the kids who had very low privacy settings just how much they were revealing about themselves. I would always advise the highest privacy settings. Also kids often accept any friend requests just to say they have 300 friends, when they really only know a fraction of who they are sharing photos etc with.

My elder son 21 is on Fb and I am a friend so see and share postings but no private stuff, which I'd not want, has earned my trust. My elder daughter 18 is also on FB and wont let me be her friend, but also is old enough and techno savy enough to be safe.

[dexter73]

If she has any sense though she will delete any incriminating texts on her phone before she comes home!

[usualsuspect]

Shes probably got a Fb account that you know nothing about as well

[FallenCaryatid]

I'm a friend on both children's facebook accounts still, but I never invaded their phones. DS and I share the laptop and I can access everything on his username. have a shared
Do what you think best, but it isn't the best way to protect her against the dangers of the internet.

[NoPinkPlease]

I know my stepson's fb and phone password. I check them v occasionally - he's 12. We also have security on both that stops adult content and records every site he visits... Got to be done.

[daisydoodoo]

I have ds1's fb and phone passwords. He's got into trouble in the past on fb bbm etc and so he knows I might check up on it at anytime so stops the silliness.
I don't check them but I could if I wanted to and I don't see the harm in having them. I don't password my phone or laptop and it's usually loffed into mn and fb so he can check my messages anytime.
I try to discourage secrets. If you need to keep it a secret you probably shouldn't be doing/saying it.

[daisydoodoo]

Should have said he's 15 in july

[FallenCaryatid]

I have a password login for my laptop and DS doesn't. So I can check what he's up to if I want to, but my stuff is private.

[cory280280]

i have both my eldests passwords for facebook. not for the phone as they can only txt and call and obv are only communicating with people they know but the dangers on the internet are too big to be ignored. they are 15 and 13. i dont speak to them about what they say on it or when my son swears on it, i just keep tabs on it. also i have told them only to add people they know. no adults allowed except family. i think its very important to have them definitely and it will continue until they are 16.

[BackforGood]

If they wanted to have anything on their accounts / phones that they don't want you to see, they will just set up other accounts though, surely ?
I don't have either of my dcs' (ds is 16 and dd is 13) but both of them have as friends, lots of people who would tell me if there was anything inappropriate on their pages.