Please come and make me not feel like mother from hell!

[mosschops30]

Have you ever had your teenager against the wall?

I have just flown at dd, she was holding my wrists so i wasnt touching her, just shouting
god shes made me so mad, i am so tired of her standing there speaking to me like shit.

Im that it came to that, she is now crying hysterically upstairs, ive been up to see her and explained that she cant hurt her brother to the point where she leaves a mark on him and makes him cry! She says she hates me!

[Rivercat]

So sorry for you, you must be feeling really shaky right now. It's horrible to feel you lost control, however briefly. She is probably very shocked, but if you can talk to her when she (and you) have calmed down, then she may realise that you are human with feelings too, and that everyone has a limit to what they can take

[Rivercat]

and she doesn't really hate you ...

[TheWoollybacksWife]

I've done it too . No real advice but lots of sympathy.

I was beyond mad at the filthy bedroom and backchat. Everything being "I'll do it later" when I'd spent all day driving her round half of the county. I was kanckered and she was gobby - not a good combination. The only difference was that I was the one lying in bed sobbing hysterically. We both apologised about our bad behaviour and sat down calmly the next day to re-establish the ground rules. So far, so good.

Teenagers are difficult. You obviously care, both about your reaction and the effect that her behaviour has on the family dynamic.

[mosschops30]

Of course i care, ive told her i love her but dont like the way she talks to me or treats her brother.
Shes lying on her bed saying she us a victim of child abuse and refusing to come down for dinner!

[landofsoapandglory]

I've shouted plenty of times at my teens. It doesn't happen often, it never has and is getting less and less frequent as they are getting older.

She might say she hates you, but she doesn't. She is crying hysterically because she wants attention IMVHO. Don't give it to her. Just ignore her, she'll want you for something long before you want her for something.

How old is her brother? Maybe they both need to have some ground rules established so their personal space is respected.

[Rivercat]

Going without dinner won't hurt her. I'm sure she knows you love her, and she's realised she has gone too far.

[landofsoapandglory]

Mosschops, just calll up the stairs "DD dinner is on the table!" If she doesn't come, she is the one who is going to go hungry. Go and have yours, leave her to it. She is not a victim of child abuse she is a drama queen, like most teen aged girls!

My teens (boys) are 17&15 and one of the things I learnt the quickest was not to fuel the fire, now if only DH would learn!

Have a big glass of

[mosschops30]

Yes i think a is in order!

I feel awful, i never lay a hand on the dcs, but i do shout, however i did go overboard tonight, but those with teens probably know they drive you to it!
Shes probably online to childline as we speak

[landofsoapandglory]

I agree with you Mosschops, only the parent of a teen, or older, can really appreciate how much they can push you.

Leave her to her own devices tonight, and start a fresh in the morning!

[mosschops30]

Thank you

[coybiatch]

Mosschops, I too am being pushed to my limit and I understand completely how you feel. It is rare that I shout but dd knows at that time that an invisible line has then been crossed, and things seem to settle down for a bit afterwards. Don't be too hard on yourself.

[usualsuspect]

Can you go and chat to her , when you have both calmed down?

[Mrsrobertduvall]

Oh I have been there.
I have had to restrain dd a number of times but luckily things have got better.
She will be full of remorse inthe morning.

And childline are used to stroppy teenagers calling!

Have a

[flow4]

Mosschops, my son called Childline once: they were engaged... And he called 999 on me once: they came to check he was alive and well, then left again. I realise now that these agencies have much more experience with teens than us humble parents; they must've seen it all! Don't worry if she calls them - they're not fools! :)

[DioneTheDiabolist]

My DS is 5, so I haven't been in your position OP.

However,I have been in your DC's position.

All I can tell you is this: my feelings of injustice and victimization at the time passed and I ended up spending a lot of my twenties trying to make reparations to my parents for the teenage nightmare I was. I know they love me. Ive always known, but hormones, the desire to establish an identity and my being a bit of a an arse at this age meant that I was so resistant to them.

I have great parents. They've always done their best. They've always loved me. I am sorry I was such a dick for so many years.

Remember colic? Teething?
This too will pass.
But it fucking sucks in the meantime.

[Brisvegasmum]

I think by now mosschops you will have established that most of us guys out in the world have been there done that, I broke the bathroom door open because dd was giving the gob behind it. She has hated me, ran away but got as far as end of road as she realized she had no where to go, I did offer the bus fare.
I can only presume it lessens the older they get as fingers crossed we ain't had a big fight like that for a while. Saying that dd still wallops her little brother leaving marks which I hate and will wallop her the same but usually she just laughs at me now.
Yes have a glass or 2 of wine and try to enjoy your sat night. Dd will be fine, they are more resilient than we think they are. Xx