my 13 year old daughter says she doesn't like school

[zohra34]

My 13 year old daughter says she doesn't think school is for her! Its my daughters second year in high school and I must say its been the toughest time. In the first year she walked out of classes that she didn't get on in, walked around the school, but at least she was safe on the premises. Since starting the second year, there hasn't been a week go by where I haven't been contacted to say she isn't in school(even though i've sent her off on her way each morning). She struck up a friendship with a girl, which was fine at first, but then they started getting in trouble with the police, on one occasion I found out they had been drinking. My daughter stayed away from home over night on 3 different occasions, because I grounded her, due to her behaviour. She has since stopped going around with this girl (thankfully). She's been a real joy to be around at weekends and holidays lately, but as soon as school comes in to it, its a nightmare. She says shes doesn't like her form, her maths teacher and other kids in her class. I've had countless meetings with the school, to discuss the truanting, we've all agreed on things, the next thing I know, she's not in school again. I've tried talking to her, given her numerous options, she says she'll go in to school after the holidays but I fear it will carry on. Please help.

[zohra34]

Hi, no sanctions dont work....she just runs away. I've tried the incentives too, that only works till she gets it. I spoke to my daughters teacher today and I agree with him, a move to a new school would just mean her getting involved with another bad group. 3 days in to the new term now and she managed a day and a bit in. The police can't even get through to her.

[flow4]

I had this with my son for a while, a few years ago. I do feel sorry for kids who are 'activist learners' (who learn thru' doing, not sitting still and listening) because most schools aren't good at meeting their needs. My son said he felt like "i'm in trouble all the time, just for being me". And it can't be much fun going somewhere you don't want to be, day in, day out. In the end, I effectively paid my son for going to school. I divided his pocket money by 5, and gave him this much for every full day he attended. It worked for about a year. It might have worked longer, if other factors hadn't also come into play.

[lavender1969]

Hi,Its the first time i have been on here,i am at my wits end with my 13 yr old daughter,i have just had another phone call from the school telling me she is in inclusion,when i asked the teacher why,i heard my daughter say "becasue i ahte this f... school.the treacher had rung up to ask if i could drop some pain killers to the school as my daughter had a headache,i couldnt becasue i am in waiting for a parcel.... She also told me that my daughter had said she wasnt in school yesterday as ill, when in fact i had dropped her outside the school myself and expected her to go into school. The teacher asked my daughter if there was anything sheneeded to tell her while i was on the phione and my daughter said she would tell her when she got off the phone form me. I had a gut feeling that she didnt got to sch yesterday,she had come home at the normal time and was very evasive when i asked her if she was told off for not bringing her PE lit in(she refuses to do any sport and would rather have a detention,i have written her notes in the past ,which i wasnt happy about but if i refuse she refuses to go to school and this ends up in a row and she then does what she is so very good at,and walks out of the house and i ahve no idea where she is....She is on report since last october,there are more positive reports than negative ones and when i asked to sign her report last night i was told that she had lost it and would get a new one. I have asked the school teacher to check that she was in yesterday but i know she has bunked off and i know that when (or if,she comes home) she will start ranting at me telling me that she has got the humo so i had better not have a go at her...i am at the end of my teaver with her and it really hurts me to say this but i am starting to really hate her. She is rude,she constantly lies to everyone,i know she lies to boys about her age,she meets up with boys or should i haveman from london who come down on the train.she looks so much older than she really is and much to my disgust has done things with boys.(men)and when i ahve found out,she has the front to tell me that she enjoys it....We have had the worst 2 years ,my mum was diagnosed with cancer and finally lost her battle earlier on this year which has devistsated the whole family and a lot of her behavior has been put down to loosing her nan,but i feel that its just becoming an excuse for her to keep getting away with what she is doing. A few wks ago she ran away and i had to get the police involved,they had tpo chase her to get her and she told them i dont have any time for her and that i didnt care that my mum was dead and even then she had the cheek to telll them to ask me if i would allow her to stay at a friends that night as she didnt wasnt nothing to do with me,i told the police that if she wasnt comeing home than to put her in temp care,she dedcide she would come home, i came across a note book whilest in her room trying to find out whre she could have been and read such disgusting things she had been doing with boys,wven sneeking in a boy while i was asleep in the next room...the police have sp[oken to her and she agreed to sign a form for intervention and councelling(i had already asked for that throgh the school thinking it would help her over loosing my mum).once the police had spoken to me thye said they didnt believe her about me not being there for her ect and that there was no parential problems but were worried about her behavior with the boys ect.They came back the next day and asked her to sign this form and i agreed to sign my side and she didnt like what a answer i gave to the poilce and got up and walked out ,there was a time when i would try and stop her and try and talk to her but its getting to the point that when things ar not going her way,she just swears at me ,packs her bags and walks out. I am at the point where i just wish i could have taken my mums place and diref because she would ahve had more family to love and be loved back where as i dont think my daughter knows what love is anymore and doesnt care that i am greaving my mum and need some help from her.She dosent ahve much to do with her Dad and hates him,i have brought her up since birth,she made my life hell when i 2 had boyfriends and have been on my own for 8 years ,i have put her first in so many ways and i nkow i do to much for her,she is lazy,rude,self centered and its all about her.I joke that she will ahve a a shock once she leaves school but i cant even see her completing school at all. the sad fact is that she is a very intellegent girl that could do so well but becasue she spends all her time thinking about boys and hating all sorts of authority i worry so much about her future,again i am thinking about her while i am crying becasue i know tonight she is going to come in in a fowl mood and start calling my names as it will no doubt be my fault. I have told her that one day i will end up haveing to put her into care as i cant cope with her behavior and she just shuggs are shoulders and says "oh well'I am under no illuisions that teenager years are easy but i am really frightened of my own feelings towards her,her behavioyr is making me so unhappy. I feel i am doing all i can with the school and police but it doesnt seem to make any difference,i just dont know what to do anymore,i expect i am not the only mother out there who is struggling but i feel like i am x