DD1 at uni, possible anorexia relapse

[NoNoNora]

DD1 has just about to start her second term at uni and I'm really worried about her going back.
She was diagnosed with an eating disorder at fifteen and seemed to recover but since she's started uni her weight has plummeted and she's becoming withdrawn again. The thing is, she's supposed to be slowly losing weight (she was put on a huge dose of meds for endometrosis the year before last and they made her balloon, going from underweight to slightly overweight) so I don't know if I'm just overreacting. But I know she eats very little at uni (she joked, I hope, about living off a bowl of rice a day) and her doctor has had her on a wheat free diet since August (on top of her being an eggless vegetarian) so hiding how little she's eating should be easy. She also doesn't feel hunger (hasn't since childhood) so without prompting (or fainting) she often forgets to eat.

All of the warning signs are there but as she has medical support for restricting her diet and losing weight I don't know what I can do. She often complains about being bored at uni (with the endo she only managed two a levels so went to one quite below her intellectual level imo.) but she seems to have made friends. I just really can't bring myself to accuse her of this when she's really been through the wringer for the past few years just trying to live a normal life with chronic pain (and doctors trying to convince her that she's just hysterical/ attention-seeking) and it would be like I was doubting her ability to cope.

[Mollers]

I don't have any experience of eating disorders and the ability to hide how little/how much you are eating but when you say that she has medical support, is that where she is away at uni or does she only get support when she comes home? And when she does go to receive medical support, does she go alone or with you?

At least if you are attending the visits (if she allows you to given her age now?) you will pick up on any concerns that the team have but if you aren't attending I suppose your worry is that she will hide this from you.

You mentioned her complaining about being bored; do you think she is maybe not wanting to continue with the course, could that lead to her becoming a bit withdrawn?

I think you maybe need a bit of expert advice on how to approach this without upsetting your daughter; have you got any support organisations you have used in the past? I do hope you can find a way of discussing this with her so you can ease your mind as it must be worrying when she is away.xx

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

I think you have to be brave and bring it up with her.
I understand how hard it is.. but there is support at University available...if she will admit that her anorexia has returned .. and I'm sorry but everything you have said tells me it HAS. Unfortunately the stress of uni is a trigger for many who struggle and coupled with the freedom from parental eyes.. it is easy to slip.

My daughter came home from Uni last summer 6 stone (at 5 ft 8). She was slim before she went..healthy skinny..but stress, homesickness a diff environment made her take control of the one thing she could.. by Xmas I was concerned when she came home.. by May I was extremely worried. In the end we had to talk and I didn't pretend it was ok.. I told her I was extremely worried and was she willing to get help. Thankfully she didn't want to lose herself completely and she accessed the uni docs and system and they were fab..she was seen weekly while there and once home for the summer we arranged for local support... she is now a lot healthier and incidentally happier sharing a house with friends rather than being in halls. Once she had really established friendships (which took most of the year) she was able to relax..and gain weight again.

Is she a coeliac? WHile wheat free is often helpful for IBS the only doctor ordered reason would be for established bowel/gut disease and I would worry a bit that she is using that as an excuse to cut her carbs further:( But I'm sure you know that anyway:(

Please talk to her.. it's horrible having to virtually 'accuse' her of something she has worked hard to recover from, but better to try and step in now than watch her struggle again.

Thinking of you..