DD leaving college in Year 13

[kansasmum]

My dd has decided she hates college and doesn't want to go anymore. She has been skipping classes so much her attendance is basically in the toilet.
We have spoken to her at length over this, trying to persuade her to stay and get her A Levels but she says she hates it, is bored and wants to do something else. She was doing Photography and Psychology A levels- got an A in photography and D in Psychology at AS level.
Dh has been away for 10 days (first on a reunion jolly then in China on business) so I have been dealing with all this. I thought I had persuaded her to stay til she had something else lined up but its seems not.

How do you FORCE a 17 yr old to go to college when she hates it?

In the end (after freaking out and screaming at her about it) I calmed down and decided to support her decision and help her try and find an apprenticeship or something. She has an interview for an apprenticeship next week. it will be one day in college and 4 days in a Dr's surgery doing admin.
I really hope she will get it.

Dh is not happy (ha! bloody understatement of the year) - I get that he is upset I understand but he is saying things like she is a waste of space, stupid bitch etc etc. He is worried about what his friends will think cos his dd isn't going to Uni!!

Uni is no guarantee of a job anymore.

I am beginning to think that a dose of real life might make her think twice- when she has to work 32 hours a week for £140 a week and pay all her own petrol, lunches contribute towards car insurance, pay me housekeeping etc- she might realise that further education gives her more options.

How do I reconcile dh to her choice and how is best way to help her find a course/job/something!!!

Apologies for long rambling post.

[titchy]

Waste of space, stupid bitch. He sounds nice I must say

Let her explain, but make it clear to him and her that you support her. And good on her for shifting her arse so quickly and getting an interview.

To be perfectly blunt with those A Level choices she is probably better off working than going to university. She'd leave, assuming she graduated, with £50k worthof debt and no better job prospects than she has now.

[schoolchauffeur]

I feel for you in this situation- I am sure it is very stressful. I have a 16 year old DD and until a couple of years ago I would have had a similar reaction to your DH- although I think more sadness and disappointment than the anger he seems to be feeling. However, faced with my DD now, who is very academic, can't decide quite what to study at uni if anything, not sure what she wants and coupled with a forced career shift for my DH this year after a stressful redundancy situation which led him to reflect on what he really wanted from life, we have come to the conclusion that at this age they really have to decide for themselves and we have backed off trying to infuence her other than to encourage her to get as good grades as she can ( she works hard and that is all we can ask) and since she is at boarding school for the first time, get involved in all sorts of activities to stretch and challenge her. It is likely that kids of todays generation will be working until they are seventy - so they may as well be sure that they are going into the right thing. Working in a job which turns out not be stimulating, poorly paid and not what she thought may be the only catalyst she needs to decide for herself what she wants to do. It may be harder to have to back and re-do A levels at 19 or 20 or take on a Uni access course, but at least by then she will be doing it because she is determined that that is what she wants to do and she will have gained some invaluable life lessons along hte way. If she really wants to persist with this, then treat her like an adult in the ways you suggest, contributing to household budget, chores etc and hopefully she may see it isn't how she thought! All we can do is provide some guidance and steer- your DD in reality only has about a term and a half to go- a full one after Christmas and then part of the summer term. If you think she might knuckle down and improve her Psychology grade is there any way you can persuade her that this is only actually about 6 months ( given that exams are usually early June) of school left and that if she knuckles down she will leave with 2 A levels which would really open up more job options for her? Good luck!

[PositiveAttitude]

I was in this situation with DD1 3 years ago. She hated college and ended up giving up about this time of year. She got an apprenticeship, then decided to do evening courses to get some good accountancy qualifications. She had not seriously considered accountancy before then, so although it will take her longer than if she had gone to uni, she now is working, supporting herself and a very happy nearly 21 year old. SHe is far more mature than all her peers who have gone to uni and does not have the uni debt that she would have had.

I know its hard, but I do feel that they are old enough to make their own decisions and live with the outcome of those. I asked DD1 recently if she regretted what she had done and she was adamant that she had done the right thing and was very happy with how things had worked out.

I am sure your DH will come round a bit when he has got over the initial shock, I know my DH did.

WIsh her luck with the interview!

[cory]

Both my nieces and my nephew opted out of university and went into apprenticeships/dead end jobs a few years ago. My nephew is now running his own business and both my nieces have gone on to HE- when they were ready for it. They seem in a much stronger position than many of the students I see who have clearly been told they had to get to university but have no idea what to do with university now they've got here.

[hellhasnofury]

My DD hated 6th Form. She was completely miserable. She managed to secure herself a job as a teaching assistant in the special school she'd been volunteering in, stayed at college just long enough to do her AS's then left. After 3 years in the job she decided what she really wanted to do was teach kids with autism so she went back to college to do an Access course which she enjoyed and passed with good grades. She applied to three universities for various degrees and was made offers by all of them. She had her heart set on doing Disability studies and was accepted partly because the experience she'd gained from three years in the job.

I wouldn't say she'd picked the easiest route to teaching but she's learned one hell of a lot in the last three years. She feels she now realises the importance of knuckling down and getting a good grade, it's something she feels she might not've realised if she hadn't gone out to work first.

I will confess that I was very disappointed and nervous when DD said she wanted to leave 6th Form. I thought she'd never go back or get to uni but I was wrong. I think it actually turned out to be one of the wisest decisions she's ever made.

Well done for supporting your DD. I hope things turn out well for her too.

[mycatsaysach]

argh op i have been in yr situation this year too.

ds not doing great at college in all his subjects - he applied for an apprenticeship (against our wishes really but.....you can't really tell them what to do at this age so much)
he got accepted and we stood back to let him think it through as it all happened quite quickly - he then completely changed his mind and stayed at college.

its great that dd has got something organised so quickly - it may be for the best for her.really hope it works out.

[kansasmum]

Thank you for your replies- I feel lot better now. I think dh is scared,disappointed and worried and this is how it comes out:(
I hope that ED finds her direction and really really hope she gets this apprenticeship. She has no idea what she wants to do so perhaps this will help her find out.

Just wish Dh wasn't so negative about it all:(

[notjustme]

All I can say is at your DH's response. I dropped out of college due to depression and now have a successful business of my own in a competitive industry. College is certainly not the be all and end all of making something of your life. Not everyone is made for college and there are plenty of other ways to get places in life - your DD just needs to find the way that suits her. I went back to college part time as a mature student simply to prove that I could do it. Mature students tend to be more gracious and grateful of their chance to learn than 17 year olds - let her experience life and learn direct skills and then choose to learn again if she wants.

As long as a 17 year old isn't sitting on their backsides doing nothing with their life then they are succeeding IMO. Encourage her with the apprenticeships and give her the support she needs.