Much ado over nothing

[niceguy2]

The other day I had to call DP for something urgent. DP was nowhere near phone and had to run into study to grab it. DD(15) was sat 30cm away from the ringing phone and didn't answer it. When asked why her response was "Well i knew it wasn't for me"

To cut a VERY long story short, she's decided to make a stand over this issue. She's been purposely rude to me about it, refuses to discuss it in an adult manner. I've spent nearly two hours trying to reason with her, trying to make her understand that this is not about the phone but basic manners to other family members. From her point of view it's a waste of her time to answer a phone call not for her and for her to possibly have to move to tell another person it's for them. In short, there's nothing in it for her. I point out that we wash & iron her clothes yet we don't benefit from wearing them!

So it's now really a battle of wills. Over the flipping phone.

Am I being totally unreasonable not to just brush this under the carpet because its a trivial thing and just let her have this one? Or do I continue to press the issue? right now I've confiscated her beloved iPhone until she apologises.

I've always thought it's best to nip bad behaviour in the bud whilst they are young but at 15, it's really unchartered territory for me.

[ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs]

No idea I'm afraid, my DD is still at an age when the ringing phone is a novelty.
My only suggestion would be a few more things would be being withheld and she irons her own clothes. Even my 10 YO makes an attempt at her school uniform.

[mumeeee]

I would just pick your batles, I know it's annoying that she didn't answer the phone but it's not a really big issue, DD3 19 hates answering the phone but she does do it now, At 15 she really would have panicked.

[AMumInScotland]

It may sound petty, but I'd stop washing and ironing her clothes, or doing anything else which is specifically to her benefit. A few days of that might get her thinking about what it means to live together as a family.

[SecretSquirrels]

Sorry but I think it's a huge over reaction , unfortunately you've started so you've got to finish. I'd quietly forget it.
No one in this house answers the phone apart from me. Not DH or either teenage boy. They can all be within arm's reach of a handset but wouldn't dream of picking it up. Nor would they bother to listen to an answer phone message. It's not as if they get calls on a mobile as you have to hang out of an upstairs window to get a signal.
To be fair 99% of calls are for me but even so.
I have been known to grumble a bit but I wouldn't make an issue of it.

[alice15]

Yes, I'd say pick your battles. It's annoying and selfish, but 15 year old girls frequently behave in an annoying and selfish way. My older DD was exactly like this and now, at nearly 17, is far more likely to answer the phone than she used to be, although I still wouldn't rely on it. I wouldn't escalate this one - next month there may be something really important that you have to take a stand on, concerning safety or her education or something, and she will be more likely to listen when it really matters if you haven't used up all the goodwill sweating the small stuff. I do sympathise though - really irritating!

[roarers]

Err, it's now reached the stage in our house where I don't answer the phone as it's never for me. It's always for DD (13)!