Am I wrong to allow mixed sleepovers?

[ettie69]

My eldest DD is 16 and I have been allowing mixed sex sleepovers for as long as she has been having sleepovers. The main reason for this is, my daughter since age 7 has gone to an all girls school but has very close friends in partner all boys school, which she went to Infant school with.

When she has a sleepover, which is usually once/twice a month she invites about 4 other girls and 3/4 boys. My daughters bedroom is on the top floor of our house with two other bedrooms, one of which is used as a games/t.v room where they spend most of the time and the other is a guest room, my husband sleep on the floor below with my 2 other dc. (The reason I am explaining this is to show they are quite isolated from us)

I make sure I go up now and again in the evening, and usually say they either all sleep in the games room (on sofa bed/ and mattresses etc) or all girls go in my dughters room and boys in games room.I always insist that guest room is not to be used.

However last weekend found that bed in guest room has been slept in. When I asked my daughter she said two of the girls had wanted to get some sleep and were being disturbed so went in there.

My daughter is a very well behaved girl, but I am not sure if I believe her.

Should I carry on allowing these sleepovers?

[AMumInScotland]

Well, it could have been two girls, or maybe not. Even if it was two girls, it wasn't necessarily innocent!

Do the other teens parents know where they are and what the arrangements are? And how easy it would be for them to sneak off to a separate room? And are they all 16 or more?

And, honestly, how do you feel about the possibility that either she or others are having sex in your house? Some parents are totally against the idea, others tend to shrug and say at least they know where they are.

[ettie69]

That is true!

Yes the other parents are aware of the arrangements. I suppose it would be very easy for them to sneak off into the guest bedroom/ its ensuite!

I'm not too keen on the idea of them having sex, but I suppose they could just as easily do it somewhere else.

btw they are all 16/17.

[AMumInScotland]

TBH I'd probably be a lot less worried now they've reached 16/17 than I would have been at 14/15 - at least you're not encouraging/condoning anything underage!

If my DS (17) was going to a mixed sleepover, or even just a party at someone's house, I wouldn't be expecting the parents to chaperone to the extent that there was no possibility of anyone managing to sneak off together.

If it was me, I'd probably be saying to DD that I was unhappy the room had been used, and didn't want it to happen again. But not stop the sleepovers. And, honestly, not be that worried about the fact that it might happen, given the ages.

[inthesticks]

I think at 16 it would be naive to think it was all innocent. 12/13 is okay but 14 and above they are much more likely to be in relationships than just good friends.

However your experience is different from mine in that they go to to single sex schools. Mine go to mixed sex schools and so have more daily contact with the opposite sex.
I remember a friend who went to an all girls catholic school, and what she got up to....

[AllOverIt]

I think anything secondary school age up is inappropriate, to be honest. I've been a secondary school teacher for 12 years and been a Head of Year so do have experience of teenagers.

When I was at school it wasn't really that common to have mixed sex sleepovers, though did happen. I think it's definitely something that's become more common as I hear the kids at school talk about it sometimes.

I do realise that girls could get up to inappropriate stuff too though..

[SweetnessAndShite]

Well my parents allowed me to have mixed sleepovers aged about 15/16 and I would have sex with boys on my living room floor so be warned.

[mummytime]

I wouldn't allow my kids to go to mixed sleepovers (probably ever). Admittedly 16+ it would be trickier, but they'd certainly get an embarrassing contraceptive talk etc if they did.

[inthesticks]

Mummytime -how old are yours?
I think you have to do the embarrassing contraceptive talk, and more besides as soon as they start to go out alone, not just before a mixed sex sleepover.
DS1 thinks I am obsessed with sex because I do lots of embarrassing talks , and he swears the subject never crosses his mind.

[usualsuspect]

My ds[18] has friends to stay over, male and female ...He would laugh if we called them sleepovers

[scurryfunge]

My DS(16) has had mixed sleepovers for a couple of years. I tens to have them only in the summer when they can sleep in the summerhouse or tents in the garden.

I always check with their parents that they are aware of the arrangement. My DS has a group of friends who are very close but are not going out with eachother.

My DS has a girlfriend from another school but she is not part of their group and doesn't stay over.

[lilmamma]

My dd always had sleepovers from the age of 15,with mixed friends,i personally found they were well behaved if a bit noisey..

Ive always been easy going and dont mind anyone staying over,my sons usually only b
bring boys back..

its getting rid of them thats the problem lol

[ladyfirenze]

just like to make a point about the guest room. do you ask them not to use it as they will be alone? cos that never stopped us as teenagers..... i have vivid memories of me and my two best friends having 'necking' sessions with our respective bf's in her bedroom every friday night