How to persuade bright and immature daughter to stay at school

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

DD1 is approaching 16 and is in her GCSE year. She has largely got very good grades for the exams she has sat so far - mainly A's, actually, but she is adamant she is leaving school this year.
DH and I work in horseracing and, all of a sudden, she's developed an interest and says she wants to be a jockey. Well, that's like Vinnie Jones declaring he wants to be a jockey - no chance. She's already far too big, but seems to think she'll be able to diet down to jockey weight (she wouldn't, even if she did try). She is incredibly immature in her thinking and not at all streetwise - in fact we're very lucky that she's never given us any trouble at all - she's a good girl and we are grateful for that.
I just wish I could make her see that she's just not ready for the life yet. If she decides at 18 that she wants to pursue a life in racing - fine. But she's just not ready now. It would mean moving away from home and living elsewhere, coupled with VERY hard work and an unforgiving working environment. She is a very young 15, but as stubborn as you like. Everyone she knows is telling her to wait a couple of years, but she's taking no notice, even of those whose opinions she really respects. I really don't know what else I can do to convince her.

[titchy]

Let her spend every holiday working in a stables, mucking out etc. She She really needs to hear fromsomeone else that she won't make the grade to be jockey.

TBH even if she spends a year after GCSEs working and trying to become a jockey it's not the end of the world - nothing to stop her going to college to do A Levels a year (or more)later.

[3littlefrogs]

Ds dropped out of school after GCSEs. A year of working in call centres and on building sites did more to convince him that A levels and university was definitely the way to go than anything I could have said or done.

He went to college and has never looked back.

[hobbgoblin]

Some may consider my view foolish, but you know I'd let her go for it.

Determination, perseverence, etc. can be more valuable than qualifications so long as you have the basics to make you employable.

What if she continues on in an education she doens't want, doesn't try because she felt compelled to do what others wanted and fails anyway?

I think you are right to make your views known and to seriously discuss this but don't think you should go all out to persuade her away from her own ambitions. It would seem better that she try and fail (if that is likely) and learn from the experience than to lose the sense of achievement that can be gained by doggedly pursuing something with commitment and drive.

To lose the skills she would use in proving you wrong seems a greater loss than the grades and quals she stands to lose otherwise.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

I think in theory, hobgoblin, your suggestion is completely right. However, this interest has only developed over the past 6 months and has, I think, more to do with the social lives of racing folk than the desire to do the job. We gave her the opportunity to work in the yard through the summer and, from day one, she moaned, complained and shirked for the entire time. Her enthusiasm depends entirely on what jobs she's being expected to do that day and who (ie which jockeys) are going to be in the yard.
I doggedly pursued the life I have and wanted to do this from a young age and would have worked 18 hours a day, any weather, to be involved. She has it all at her ready disposal, but is only really interested in hanging out with the staff, not really in doing the hard graft that comes with it.

[brimfull]

Could you tell her to find another job is she's set on leaving school.
What would she do if you didn't give her a job?

[titchy]

In that case definitely let her find out the hard way! Let her live her dream, at some stables where she has to move away from you,live in and gets paid a pittance. She'll probably end up being sacked for shirking after a couple of weeks and come home with her tail between her legs.

[AMumInScotland]

Its very hard to convince 15/16 yo of anything, as they are at an age where they think they know everything and parents know nothing!

Could she try to get a job at the start of the summer after her GCSEs, as soon as she's allowed to leave school? Then it's quite likely that by the start of the autumn term she will have already seen that it's not the fun she's expecting and will actually want to go back to school or college to get a qualification.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

I have told her in no uncertain terms that she will not work for us. Apart from anything else, I don't believe in the privileges afforded by floating around, being paid to do the easy stuff because your daddy's the boss. I've seen it enough in this industry and it does nobody any favours. If she wants this life, she makes her own. We will not be giving her the leg-up (pardon the pun!)

[tinkgirl]

coming at this from another point of view - i work with 15-16 yr olds so see quite a view every week like this. the options are either let her do it her way i.e. get a job (or at least try to) which she will be gaining skills around job search which is always useful or put your foot down at which point your nice loving DD will turn into the cow from hell! worse case senerio - DD will return to education a year down the line and actually work harder because she understands how hard it is in the world of work. Let her do it, if she can find a job which won't be easy, but if she does stay at home then make sure you take some rent off her as well - if she wants to come to the world of work then makes sure she understands it fully. tell her to talk to her Connexions adviser in school, they'll help with getting her CV together etc

[colditz]

You could threaten to ring every yard in the country and have her blackl;isted?

I wouldn't agree withher having a year out. I took a year out and found the discipline needed for school much harder to cope with after working a shit job for a year where the aim was to be as lazy as possible. To try to go into A levels after this was impossible, and to this day I only have my GCSE's/

Persuade her to do an animal management course (meaning more moneyt when she fininshes), and get a saturday job at a yard.

[DurhamDurham]

Don't try to persuade her to stay on if she really doesn't want to. I speak from recent experience. When my DD1 had finished her GCSE's she had no interest in going to Sixth form. We really (over) sold it and she agreed to go. Within weeks it was obvious she wasn't happy and she quickly fell behind her coursework.
Much to my DH's disappointment she left and got a full time job in Next to keep her busy until she decided what she wanted to do. She decided to go to college to do a CACHE Level 3 course which will get her into Uni to do a teaching degree. She started this Sept after 10 months at Next and loves it. She does 3 days at college and 2 days on a placement. Her first placement is at our local infants school, she get called Miss! I think this vocational learning approach has brought out the best in her. A'levels aren't for everyone.

However it didn't stop me feeling angry and sad when she left sixth form, it's all just so much clearer with the benefit of hindsight!

[cory]

I would opt either for the horse management course/similar or for letting her take the time out to work under a strict time limit (1 yr max) on the understanding that she supports herself and does not come running to you for money. If she gets a job for somebody else, then she won't be able to shirk work any more: she will get sacked. At which point you make it clear that since she has chosen to spend this year working, she will have to take any old job she can get even if it's stacking shelves, because you are not supporting her.