Bra for well-endowed teen

[ClaraMaugham]

Hi there - hoping someone can help. My dd is only 14 but already has a very impressive pair. She's coping well under the circumstances but hates the fact that all the bras in her size are basically women's bras, while all her friends get to prance about in little M&S cotton numbers. She seems to have 2 options - big, sensible grown up bras which look too big for her body, or slinky lacey things which she can't bear. I really feel for her. Does anyone know where I can find something a bit more teen friendly, but over a D cup? She's a really awkward size too - probably needs a 30 but you just can't get that combination except in specialist places which again are far too adult.

Very grateful for any ideas...

[TheSpottedZebra]

Have you looked at Cleo ?
And places like //Brastop.com, www.mycurvesandme.com and places to buy cheaper bras?

She's measured as per the MN way, right?

[TheSpottedZebra]

...as places to buy...

[StatisticallyChallenged]

A lot of teens seen to like quire simple moulded cups -things like the Freya deco spring to mind although on some people it's very cleavage tastic. I'd suggest taking her to bravissimo, they will fit her and have a very good selection

[ClaraMaugham]

Thank you both for those suggestions. Brastop and mycurvesandme both look interesting. Is the Mumsnet way of measuring the Bravissimo way? I am a loyal Bravissimo customer myself (she didn't get her chest by chance) so that's roughly what I've been going by, and she did have a proper fitting at a decent local shop in the summer. I fear if I took her in to Bravissimo they'd make her something extraordinary like a 28G though, which would be quite traumatic for her at this stage... plus at the moment she feels their bras are just too womanly. But it's definitely where she'll be going in the future.

[murphys]

I recently had the same problem with dd who is 12 and as I am not in the UK had a terrible job finding a supportive bra in her small back size. We ended up with some sports bras for her, some have the vest type back (I am lost for the name of that now) and the others have the normal straps.

I received the most wonderful advice, I will see if I can link the thread.

[fairgame]

Curvy kate do some young looking designs and do small backs as well

[ClaraMaugham]

Oh fab thank you. Murphys I'm so happy to hear we're not the only ones! I'm keeping very positive for DD's sake but she just wants to be like everyone else and it's such a delicate thing. I couldn't find any other threads when I looked, so a link to yours would be great.

[ClaraMaugham]

Pretty straps rather than massive boulder holders is one of the real problems.

[murphys]

Clara, I don't know why I cant link it, type "ladies who are big breasted" into search, there is a thread from 20 Oct...

It was more about the fast growth that I was concerned about, but there is a lot of advice from the bra guru ladies.

[ClaraMaugham]

Thanks for the thread - very helpful and always good to know we're not alone! And that hopefully she won't keep on growing at this rate forever. I like the look of Freya Deco too. Great advice as ever.

[TenuousGrip]

I was your daughter at 14 and LOVED bravissimo (still do, will always thank my lucky stars that the bra lady in M&S took one look at me and told me that they wouldn't have much in my cup/back combination but if I went to bravissimo I could have lots of choice...).
I'd advise sticking to the more girly or 'fun' designs (not sure what word I'm looking for!) rather than the more 'grown up' ones, they do lots of pretty floral ones that I would have gone for at 14, they also tend to be cut a bit higher so less of the cleavage you can get with some of their bras -
Dotty/Floral
pink polka dots (also in blue) - I've had this one, comfy and comes up quite high so little cleavage, it is a bit pointy though which I like but I know others don't.
Cherry Blossom - I'm a 30J and think I was a similar size to your daughter at 14, or at least similar proportions, I have this one atm and I think it's flattering and minimises them a bit. I'm fairly certain I had almost the exact same bra but in a different print when I was about 14 too.
Purple/pink art deco - May be a bit plungey IRL though
www.bravissimo.com/products/lingerie/black-white-and-nude-bras/tango-balconette-bra/white/pn53wh/ I used to have one like this I think in white/nude for school shirts
aqua
I know there expensive but is there any chance you could afford to get her 2-3 in one go? My Mum did when we first went there and it felt so good, I'd gone from the one granny bra M&S had in my size to a bag of three pretty colourful ones. Once I knew there was somewhere where I had a choice I felt so much better and didn't mind having a much bigger size than my friends because it normalised it iyswim?

Oh and sign up to their reward thingy so you get a free one once you've had ten...

[ClaraMaugham]

Thanks Tenuous - very cheering! When I showed her the Bravissimo website in the summer she was very anti even the pretty ones, but I think I'd better have another go. I agree it is a life changer, and maybe I could add her to my reward thingy which is building up nicely already... How did you find it being her size at that age? Although I've always felt bigger than most people I was definitely not so big so young. Also back in my day (!) everyone was in M&S sizes so I didn't have to contend with the massive cup issue. I thought I was 36C for years.

[VenusRising]

I had this problem when I was a teen, and my mother was fixated on me being 'just a c cup', so I wore huge backed bras so the cup size wasn't 'too big' but they were crap bras, never fitted, and gave me serious shoulder pain. She had issues about me becoming "too grown up, too fast".

I wish she had had the sense to realise I was the size I was and get me measured up correctly, even if it meant that my back size was 28 and my cup size was GG. This denialist thinking meant I wore badly fitting uncomfortable bras which only fitted her idea about how I should be.

Would you buy your DD badly fitting shoes, or ones that were obviously too small, just because you didn't want her to be the size she is.

Get her a small backed large cupped bra- it will fit properly, it's not alarming as you said, just her correct size!

[TenuousGrip]

Overall, I was probably alright about it, especially once I knew there was somewhere I could get bras!

I did get teased about it a bit at school when getting changed for games but that was when I was younger than your daughter probably about year 5/6? (I went through puberty very early so breasts were easy compared with being the only girl in school to have periods!), by the time I was 14 I was pretty used to them so it's difficult to answer! The school came down hard on the teasing too which helped. But at that age anything that sets you out is difficult and I'm sure if it wasn't her breasts there would be something else, it's how teenage minds work.

The best thing my parents did was keep it normal, like Venus says - you wouldn't insist in a too small pair of shoes. They paid for my bras (had an allowance so was expected to buy my own clothes if I needed anything) as my Mum argued it was unfair that I couldn't just go to primark or somewhere like other people which I suppose stopped it feeling like a tax. I just came to the conclusion that they were part of the way my body was and that was that, I remember being horrified when a relative suggested a reduction as I didn't think I needed to be 'fixed'! If she's already a bit dubious about Bravissimo then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, could you go shopping for a day and pop in (under the pretence you need something) and see if she fancies being fitted rather than building it up?

Can I ask if she's overweight at all? Or worries about her weight? I know I used to think the big cup sizes implied I was fat until it was pointed out that my back size was tiny, sounds irrational but really stressed me out!

Now I'm perfectly happy with them. They're a pain in the arse sometimes when it comes to clothes shopping (but that's a problem with having a small waist/large bust combination rather than just a large bust), they hold me back ever so slightly in some sports activities but ultimately they're just part of me! I may be lucky though as I don't seem to get the back pain that a lot of ladies do.

[StatisticallyChallenged]

If she's probably 28g type territory it's really important to get the fit right -she's going to be busty for life most likely and wearing the wrong bra size can cause pretty nasty back issues. Just the poster above reminded me, she might also need a good sports bra. shock absorber or the panache sport both still have the sort of crop top look so aren't obvious scaffolding but will give her support and comfort.

Deco comes in loads of versions and seems to be good because it doesn't look that different to the sort of thing most girls will be picking up in primark! Cleo does lovely bras but they tend to be pretty colourful so might show through school clothes.

[ClaraMaugham]

Hi - yes good advice from everyone, and don't worry I'm not in total denial. She was measured at 28F at a proper bra shop in the summer and is still more or less in that range, and yesterday we went and tried on a million different bras in M&S hoping to find something she thinks of as normal - but they don't go any bigger than a D cup in the 30 back, and the DD+ are all very mumsy or sexy which makes her uncomfortable. She finds it embarrassing when other girls ask what size she is, and says most of them didn't even know you can be bigger than a D cup - this is coming from her not me, I'm very positive about it as I mentioned. It's the bras looking very different to what the other girls are wearing that's really bothering her, which is why the Deco ones are along the lines of what we were after.

She's not overweight at all actually - I think this is all genetic and if she stopped developing now and grew into them it would certainly not be a problem. I do worry that she'll carry on growing for another few years, but I guess all I can do is carry on telling her that lots of people wish they were bigger and try to help her feel ok about it. Hence trying to find more 'normal' looking bras.

[TenuousGrip]

Sorry if the overweight comment came across badly - was just trying to think about what irrational things bothered me when I was her age/younger, she sounds very similar to me in terms of body size/shape. One thing I would say is avoid M&S - it's not really a shop for teens full stop is it? I know Bravissimo isn't per say but at least it's an underwear shop? I know I hated shopping at M&S pre-bravissimo because it all seemed old in a frumpy way (same as I wouldn't have wanted to buy clothes from there) and I was embarrassed, made me feel more different as none of my friends shopped there for anything!

[ClaraMaugham]

No don't worry, it's fine! She isn't worried about weight implications for some reason, but she is very big on fitting in with the crowd, which is why I keep harping on about 'normal'. She does sound similar to you in shape. The lure of M&S was those perky little printed cotton balconette bras which she says her friends wear - particularly important as they all have their straps showing and hers are massive industrial sized things. Please don't think I'm putting her in the wrong size bras out of some kind of misplaced sense of doing the right thing though - if it doesn't fit well she doesn't have it, full stop.

[micah]

Sports bra's? I could never wear teen or "pretty" bras. Sports are very supportive and can look good with athletic style pants. She could go for the crop top style ones too..

[pocketsized]

This was me as a teenager, I had huge boobs, and I hated them. My mother was hopeless, and didn't ever other to get my fitted, just grabbed stuff off the rail and said it would do.

As a result I had all sorts of lumps and bumps and was spilling out all over the place, they looked awful under clothes. Eventually, my aunt took me to bravissimo, I was mortified, I thought everything was ugly, and they all looked HUGE and I was totally convinced id look like some awful stripper/granny in all of them. After lots of tears, and a fitting lady with the patience of a saint, they'd persuaded me to try some on. I was amazed - no more uni-boob, no more wobbly bits poking out, and dispite what I thought the "ugly" bras actually made my embarrassing boobs look smaller and more normal. This was a huge relief to me, but I'd never, ever, have put one on through my own free will!

I guess to me a decent fitting bra made me feel less self conscious, even if it looked a bit different to the ones worn by others. Do you think you could persuade her to at least try some on? Maybe make a lovely day of it and have some lunch, cinema etc? I really wish my mother had helped me sort it out sooner, even if the first 20 mins seemed a bit traumatic at the time...

[TenuousGrip]

Fair enough about M&S - as I've mentioned haven't been there since I was probably about 13 and absolutely no idea what a trendy bra is now!
Big straps are always going to be an issue and to be fair sort of have to be in order to get her the support she needs! It's hard to tell online but this seems to have a bit of strap detail, as well as this, or this.
Pocket speaks a lot of sense about (nicely) making her try them on, even now I look at some of my bras and think they look ridiculous but it really is about the difference it makes once you're wearing!

[pocketsized]

When you think about it all bras are a bit ridiculous looking....!

Perhaps you could ring the store and make an appointment, if you explain te situation they might have a younger fitter or someone who is particularly good t fitting teens that you could go and see. This might seem less daunting than the prospect of a bossy old lady making you get naked (this was what I imagined bra fitting in m&s to be like before I had actually been!)

I really think if you can persuade her into some she might come round a bit :)

[fieldfare]

We 're getting this problem now with dd who's just turned 12, she's already in a 32D and we're off shopping on Saturday to get her some more so will be getting my tape measure out tonight to check what size to start trying on with. She really needs a couple of good sports bras too.
She's finding it tough with everyone else having small boobs and still wearing crop top style bra tops but they'll catch her up soon enough.

[DayLillie]

You definitely feel smaller with the bigger bra!!

Get something Freya deco or panache tango, then cut the size labels out if it is going to be a a point of curiosity at school. They will not look any bigger than anyone else's once they are on.

(My mother gave me her 36A bra to wear when I was getting desperate. She then bought me a 34C and that didn't fit either as it was underwired. Eventually bought myself a 32D in a bra shop which was like heaven and without the wobbling and falling out, I felt like my boobs were smaller, and I could move about like a normal person!!!! Now I have 30 E/F)

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

We 're getting this problem now with dd who's just turned 12, she's already in a 32D

Are you sure? 32 sounds quite a large band size for a pre-teen - you are not adding 4 to the under bust measurement?