i have £100 to spend, I'm a size 16-18 and I'm so depressed with my size / shape / clothes i don't want to leave the house....

(50 Posts)
Fairylea Wed 24-Apr-13 20:28:09

So help me.

I have put on a lot of weight in the 10 months since ds was born (was size 10 before). He is my second child and I now have a big wobbly stomach that looks like I have two tiers when I wear jeans so I can't wear plain tops as it shows underneath them.

I recently spent money on some tops and jeans only to feel I have wasted the money as everything just looks awful. sad I think I am still trying to dress like a size 10 and it's not working sad

I know I need to get out and walk more to lose the weight but I hate the way I look so much that I'm hardly going out except for the school run for dd or to the park for ds two mins down the road.

So what can I buy? What should I be wearing?

I'm 5ft 7, apple shaped sad and size 16-18 with average size boobage.

Thanks for ideas in advance. I feel very lost.

Hopefully Wed 24-Apr-13 20:38:19

You poor thing, it's crap when you feel uncomfortable with your size. Is it worth buying a couple of non-size related things (scarves, shoes) and going on a bit of kick-start diet to lose a few lbs before you invest in more clothing? Only if you're thinking of losing it - if you know full well you're going to be that size for a while, then definitely invest in a few bits and bobs that will make you feel ok about it.

Cherrypie32 Wed 24-Apr-13 20:47:41

I agree with the post above. I am currently a size 16 after 2 kids, I was a size 12 on my wedding day 6 years ago. I love clothes and shopping but have got to the point where nothing I like looks good anymore and I don't enjoy the shopping experience any more. So I have just taken out a gym membership and am going to aim to lose a stone before I buy anymore clothes. You could put your money toward something like that or a couple of classes, or join a slimming club maybe? Buy some nice scarves/ accessories, get your hair done as a quick fix but promise to buy something nice as a reward for losing the weight maybe grin

PoohBearsHole Wed 24-Apr-13 20:54:38

Ok, have the tummy wobble so can I suggest the following
trousers

With this cover the tummy wobble?

Don't say anything rude as have both blush

Fairylea Wed 24-Apr-13 21:20:00

Oooh thank you, I like the bits on those links... I wouldn't have gone for those trousers as I would have thought they'd cut right across my cake shelf (!) But you say they don't..? Ooo smile

Thanks for the ideas about accessories. Not a bad idea really. I just don't seem to be able to shift this weight and to be honest I can't see it happening until ds starts nursery at 2-3 (by which time I might need a crane to remove me from the house hmmm) as I have literally no family support, no one to watch the dc forme and dh works 8-10 most days!

I have got a couple of fitness DVDs but by the time dd goes to bed at 9pm I'm ready to collapse on the sofa.

So I'm assuming I'm destined to be this size for a while. I'm not even over eating -Im calorie counting and eating about 1800 calories most days. I eat properly and healthily as dc are so demanding.

Thanks for the ideas...

PoohBearsHole Wed 24-Apr-13 21:30:23

Not that I am great person to follow but if you do ironing try doing squats whilst you are doing it, put things away twice etc so lift tin to put in the cupboard then take it back down and lift it again?
I take to dog for late night walks and tend to take music with me and dance down the road blush

Fairylea Wed 24-Apr-13 21:41:27

Haha! smile I love the image of someone doing a moonlit dance down the road with the dog... !

Oddly enough I have just done the ironing.. I never iron at all so just thought it would keep me standing and burn a few cals. I might do some squats next time too.

Now if only I could find some things I might not inwardly groan at when I go to put them on in the morning!

I know how you're feeling fairy though my weight gain is due to medication not pregnancy. Be kind to yourself, beating yourself up about your weight won't make you feel any better and/or motivate you to lose it, you'll just convince yourself that you'll stay big no matter what and won't even try.

Now, clothes wise, if you really want to buy some now, go for high rise jeans so they hold you in, no low rise or you'll get muffin top. Lots of stretchy vests and long and short sleeve t-shirts that can be layered up depending on the weather (primark is excellent for them) Wrap dresses are a good choice as they nip you in at the waist, New Look has a really nice one in plain black at the minute. Stretchy leggings to wear with said wrap dresses. Scarves are a cheap way of brightening up a simple outfit and they can be bought cheap as chips in places like Primark. Most importantly of all, whatever you buy, no matter the size, make sure it fits. You can shave off the appearance of a couple of dress sizes if everything fits properly.

Hope you start to feel better about yourself soon smile

PoohBearsHole Wed 24-Apr-13 21:52:22

And always go a bit bigger in dresses if you can so they hang better! Nothing worse than bra back overhang smile

ExRatty Wed 24-Apr-13 22:29:14

Honestly?
Lose the weight. You can easily do a dress size every size weeks.
In the meanwhile decent spanx, light layering loosish shirt.
Play up tits and pins, if good, whilst middle shrinks

Or accept roundy. It isn't bad you just aren't used to it. Lots of very well dressed size 16 ladies abound

Fairylea Wed 24-Apr-13 23:08:57

Thanks for the tips. I'm making a mental checklist so I can get a few bits. The idea of lots of layers is a good one... not something I've done before and might disguise some of the rolls of flesh I seem to now have. I will also look at wrap dresses.

I feel very old at 32 and a larger size. I don't know why and I know it's perhaps media fed but in my head being slim is associated with being young and now I'm larger I feel like I have aged 20 years .. I don't know how to dress for my age and size without looking frumpy. A lot of the things I keep picking (longer line tops, patterned stuff etc) all seems horribly ageing.

But then the stuff that is younger looking isnt suitable for me... skinny jeans now look super ridiculous on me and anything that ends above my bum ends up round my armpits in a few hours especially bending down with ds all the time.

I'd really love to lose the weight and I am trying, it's just so bloody hard sad I've been trying for 10months now and I'm still the same size I was at the time I had ds. I guess the only good thing is its not going up and up.

I do find myself really hating myself though. I don't go out and meet people or do anything much because I think people will be judging me. Which I suspect is nonsense as I wouldn't judge a larger woman so why should they.

I also feel embarrassed going into town as I live very rurally and I know quite a few people in town as its tiny and I'm sure they're probably going to have a good gossip about me putting so much weight on sad

At the moment I am still wearing mostly a pair of m and j jeggings, t shirts from Tesco and converse. Sometimes I might really mix it up a bit and wear brogues. Which I brought on a whim but I think they're quite manly and I'm not even sure if I like them now.

The other week I brought two pairs of leggings, a tunic ditsy black dress thing and a floaty printed long line top.. all of which I now hate as they make me feel huge sad

Moan moan Moan.

Sorry. Maybe I just need a moan.

And a little kick. And a cry.

QueenCadbury Wed 24-Apr-13 23:13:46

Ok, I'm going no be brutally honest (have had a couple of glasses of wine) but I think you need to lose the weight as exratty says. If you hate the way you look I cannot imagine tht new clothes will make you feel any better. Yes, it's hard but achievable. If dc1 goes to school can you not thn go walking with dc2 in the buggy? To me 1800 calories sounds like a lot and I would have thought you should be aiming for less thn that if trying to lose weight.

Otherwise as exratty says embrace your new shape smile

You're allowed to moan! Just don't get so caught up in feeling down about your weight that you forget to do something about it. It is very hard to lose weight and keep it off. I'm trying hard to lose some myself but for various reasons, it's just not shifting. Have you considered speaking to your GP and asking to see a qualified dietician if that's available where you are? They might be able to give you the kick start you need.

Fairylea Wed 24-Apr-13 23:22:43

Queen... I appreciate what you're saying but the problem is I feel so down about myself and my clothes that I don't feel able to walk about with ds in the buggy.. I do what I need to do and hurry back. I feel embarrassed. I need to find something I feel at least bearable in to be able to get out and about so hopefully I can lose some of the weight.

1800 is still under the 2000 daily recommended amount. Sometimes I do eat less than this but I think upping my activity is a better way to go as I have thyroid and immune system problems so I need to eat quite well otherwise I will just end up being ill.

I am going to go back to the gp to check everything is as it should be. I am under the care of a consultant for my thyroid and pituitary issues and my last blood test was well within normal levels.

Thanks for listening to me. I'm going to try and get some sleep now and start all over again tomorrow.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Wed 24-Apr-13 23:23:22

I'm 5 months post caesarean with DS2, size 16 at least and I was a size 10 before DCs. I live in stretchy leggings and long frumpy tops as refusing to buy bigger clothes. I look really awful but this time I know it is temporary because it was the same after DS1, your body lays down fat for breastfeeding and then tries to hang on to it, you have little or no time to workout and food is often one handed carb laden stuff shoved down on the go. I daydreamed about bikram sessions or a trainer then realised I had no time or childcare and settled for the 30 day shred and the couch to 5k app.

BiBiBroccoli Wed 24-Apr-13 23:28:48

don't be too hard on yourself. Having young children is fecking hard and most women struggle with their weight/changed body shape after pregnancy.

Do you know anyone of a similar size/shape whose style you admire? I think it's very hard to be objective about yourself and sometimes it helps to mimic a look you have seen and liked on someone else. You could also book in for a free personal styling session in House of Fraser, John Lewis or Debenhams. It's good to have the opinion of someone who doesn't know what you usually choose, or what your pre pregnancy figure was like.

Also, try looking on Net a Porter for some styling ideas then nick them and create similar looks from asos/h&m etc!

PoohBearsHole Wed 24-Apr-13 23:30:09

If you wer jeggings wear skinny Jensen, many places do stretchy jeans. More solid and can be slimming just don't go light colours, go dark with a shade lighter in the middle iykwim.

Don't get down, get proactive, look on the good food website for lw cal tasty options, join something like my fitness pal, don't do patterns but go bold with nautical stripes. Go to tk Marx and purchase a for now wardrobe to update what you have in the view of losing weight. Buy one really lovely accessories, I bought an expensive lk Bennett belt that was wide and patent it dresses up even the shittest of outfits I have and make sme feel more confident regularly.

Be nice to yourself, if you aren't no one else will feel the need to be.

Buy some new make up and wear it every day.

If you feel more confident, you will look it and I bet you weight drops off smile

DialsMavis Wed 24-Apr-13 23:46:38

I can't help with clothes I'm afraid. i found that while BF and/or not sleeping with both my Dc I couldn't lose an lb. When DS was about a year old the weight seemed to come off (slowly) of it's own accord. With DD it didn't so had to act. I had the MyFitnessPal app on my phone and logged everything I ate. I had to stick to 1250 then 1200 cals a day, but could eat more if I exercised. You log everything you do, including housework and walking and then you can eat more. I lost 3 stone in 9 months. I found the easiest way to stick to the calorie limit was to limit carbs and exercise so I could eat more or save the cals for a bottle of wine and chocolate one night per week. I ate a banana and full fat greek yog or bacon and eggs for breakfast, a whole pot of supermarket fresh soup or a salad with tuna/cheese/ham etc for lunch and whatever the family dinner was in the eve but I substituted the pots/past/rice for handfuls of salad. There is a graph that shows your weekly calories and I went by weekly rather than daily totals, so that if I had a bad day it didn't matter. I could make better choices throughout the week, or be particularly pious for a few days before a night out etc.

Due to DD stopping eating and stress and poverty I have taken my eye off the game a bit this winter and have put a bit back on, but nothing like before. I need to get back on it. Also it is a MN cliche but the 30 day shred works and it works fast. I have found that since stopping it (and other exercise) I ahve only put on about 4-6lb but I have gained loads of inches as all the lovely muscle I built has slowly turned back to flab. For me the key is exercise, like you I never over ate really, i am just prone to being chubby. I feel to shit about myself to do the gym or jogging, but did the shred, zumba and boxercise/circuits with friends in the same boat.

I hope what I have said has been helpful as you only asked for fashion advice, but it really, really helped me so much.

jackstini Thu 25-Apr-13 07:51:32

If you want a few bits to keep you going whilst you lose the weight have you tried everything 5 pounds .com?

Couple of pairs of new shoes, new bag and maybe a couple of tops and you won't break the bank.

I second the myfitnesspal app - I know a few people that use this and it's working

Waferthinmint Thu 25-Apr-13 08:07:32

I have had great success in Harcombe Diet. Google it. Main thing I've noticed is my 'carb belly' has debloated and even though I am still a 16 at the moment, I am not nearly as round and flabby, puffy etc.

Be careful of trying to 'disguise' weight in big floaty tunics. Can make you look fatter. I think you probably look as lovely as you did before but are more self conscious about it.

How are you feeling in general about yourself, ar you ok? You sound quite down and harsh on yourself . . .

lovesmileandlaugh Thu 25-Apr-13 08:24:53

I'm similar, I've been about to lose the weight for years, whilst not buying anything nice because it will be too big soon. Every so often I accept that it is okay to buy something nice in a 16, and feel so much better for it!

I would try find some nice jeans that fit, new funky shoes, nice scarfs, nail varnish and accessories.

Try and enjoy spending it, you are worth it grin

Ah don't be so down on yourself. I'm a size 18 ish and it definitely helps to have nice things to wear.

I'm more of a pear shape but I really rate Evans (fat ladies shop) for their cheap jeans. I wear the bootcut ones (not going to win any prizes for fashion forward here am I) but the high ish waist keeps my stomach in, and the bootleg balances out my big hips. I wear them with a simple T shirt or vest, or a cute 3/4 length sleeve sweater.

Like I say, its not particularly trendy but it feels presentable for wearing in public (please do go out more, it will definitely make you feel better!)

amessagetoyouYoni Thu 25-Apr-13 11:54:36

I was this shape for a good year or two after each of my kids were born.

I wore wrap dresses in dark colours or patterned/prints (seem to disguise the jelly belly). I would invest in one or two decent ones - go to John Lewis or a big department store and have a good gander.

For spring/summer casual, I went for light, floaty, stomach skimmin tunic tops (White Stuff?) over 3/4 trousers (New Look usually do a range each spring) or stretchy, lightweight jeans (Next are good for this).

Good luck! Its crap when you are in that post-baby-belly phase x

I know you said you've got loads of fitness DVD's but can I recommend the Shred DVD if you haven't already got it. It's 20-30 minutes per day and my DS used to love either watching and laughing at me doing it, or he'd join in - obviously your 10 month old won't be joining in but any pre-schoolers could.

If you've got time to iron then you've got time to Shred! grin

Do you live anywhere near an Evans store? Their clothes are designed for fuller figures. I was in there with my Mum recently and surprised at how "unfrumpy" their clothes are. I think their staff are pretty good at looking at your shape and recommending styles. Sometimes, the styles you think won't suit can actually be quite flattering.

If you had a couple of outfits which made you feel better - or "bits" you could put with things you've already got, maybe you'd feel better about getting out more.

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