14 YO DSD

[Haribosmummy]

Really looking for some advice on this one.

I have a real feeling (shared by DH) that my 14YO DSD has taken us on a bit of a ride today.

Over the last few weeks, she's been banging on about 'booking something we can all do' (we have a new baby, so it's not always possible to find activities we can all do) - anyway, we agreed to go to London. DSD was ADAMENT about getting something booked, and texted both DH and me several times (UNLIKE her).

She was quite specific on the day (wanted it to be today) and that she really wanted something booked 'to stop us doing the usual old stuff'....

Come last night, she 'isn't feeling well'.

This morning, she 'doesn't feel up for it, but thinks we should go, as the tickets are booked and paid for and she doesn't want us to miss out.

OKay........................

Then, as we are leaving, she asks me what time we'll be back (I'm already having doubts) so I say 2pm. She looks perplexed and says that I'll have to call her on the way home.

DH and I leave (other kids are ready and looking forward to the trip) but we're not happy. We agree not to call her on the way home.

During the day, she texts and calls us with diferent 'requests' - 'where are the beans?' We have more beans than the bloody bean factory... But of course, there's the obligatory 'where are you?' too...

NOW, I'm seriously suspicious, so we cut the day short and come home. (get home around 4pm - we were planning on staying later)

Get home, everything is in order.. Nothing out of sorts etc.,

So what to do? I really DO feel we've been cuggled into 'being out of the house' and (while I believe she didn't leave the house), I'm seriously wondering who might have come around.

She's acted perfectly normal since we got home (still complaining of a headache, but not acting like it at all!!)

How do we tackle this?

[gothicmama]

it could all be innocent, have you got groundrules about who can come round perhaps reminder of these, don't accuse her of anything tho

[BenFMsmum]

Do you talk to your neighbours?? Maybe they saw or heard anything that may have gone on today?

[Haribosmummy]

Thanks.

She's allowed a lot of freedom here so we're more concerned about the possibility of her lying (and it being pre-medidated, IYSWIM)

Yes, it could have been innocent (and we're certainly not going to accuse her of anything) but there are too many... s IYSWIM...

It's not LIKE her to want to book something
It's not LIKE her to want to do something different
it's not LIKE her to text DH and me when she's with her mum to check that tickets have been booked...
It's not LIKE her to be really nice to her sister (which she was this morning)
It's not LIKE her to text or call us during the day to ask things like 'where are the beans'...

At the same time, there was a little bit too much emphasis about how she didn't want to come, how she didn't want us in the house, cos she was going to be grumpy - the house is WAY big enough for us to not get in each others way...

Neighbours are a non starter... The ones that I'd ask wouldn't have seen anything and the ones that might have seen something are nosey gossips and it'd all over town in no time - not what I need or want!

[BenFMsmum]

I would be suspicious too if I were you! I would also be in the same boat as you in not knowing what to do though!! Perhaps just listen really carefully about what she talks about over the next few days - she may just slip up and say something that gives you clue.

[kissmummy]

i would be totally suspicious. she's defo up to something. i wouldn't be able to stand not knowing and would have to confront her i'm afraid. i don't think it's unreasonable to ask what's going on though obviously approach gently on the offchance it's all innocent. sounds unlikely though!

[2rebecca]

It sounds suspicious. Is there a neighbour you can get to keep an eye on things if it happens again?
It think the age when you start leaving them alone in the house is quite a difficult one as alot of teens do let the freedom go to their head and take advantage. If you can't trust her then you may have to cancel things if she's not well enough to go/ unwilling to go. If I'd had parents living locally I'd have got one of those to be with her for the day, or got her to go and stay with her mum.

[ElenorRigby]

Flamethrowing with an aerosol!! I'd seriously go ballistic! I am so not looking forward to the girls being teenagers!

As for Haribosmummy, your right to feel suspicious. Definately something to keep an eye on for the future.

[independiente]

Just reading this, and it suddenly came into my head - really don't know why, because I'm no conspiracy-theorist, plus have no experience of this - do you think your DSD's mum wanted to 'pop round' for any reason and needed DSD to facilitate it?
Sorry in advance if that is completely barking up the wrong tree and being v v unfair to the woman (which I'm sure it is). Like I said, no idea why I even thought of this!

[Haribosmummy]

Nope, it was def. a boy...

Firstly her mum wasn't around last week and secondly, DH's ex wouldn't come within spitting distance of this place.

She's been invited - many times, but won't... She'd have to face the fact that we are happy, DSDs are happy here, we have a lovely son, who DSDs love... etc etc.,

to be fair, DSD1 KNOWS she's been rumbled, and we've had a fair chat that lying will mean she ends up far worse off in terms of freedom, responsibility etc.,

[CarGirl]

How about the most embarrasing lecture ever on sex, contraceptives and post birth body damage - piles, stitches, saggy tum, saggy boobs the lot?

[Haribosmummy]

I have an 8 month old son.... Believe me, she's seen the 'reality' of having a baby in the house.

I trust her to be responsible. It's the lying that got to me.

She knows she's not going to get away with it again. (I hope!!!!!!!)