How do i deal with them?

[Huggles22]

I don't know what to do. I recently became a step parent for a 19 month old and have been givin a chance to be at home with both him and my daughter who is 4. He is not very nice to her, he hits her, bites her, and pulls her hair. i tried talking to my spouce about his behavior and he just laughs and says he's gonna be a little bully. then he tells me its not just his son its my daughter to, but i've never seen her do anything other then play nice with him (or try to anyways) Other people who have seen them together agree that she is innocent on this one. If anyone has any advice on how i can deal with this situation it would be greatly apreciated.

Thank you!

[ilovetochat]

don't think its about being a step parnet as such, that's what 19 months old are like sometimes as they struggle to play together with others yet, my dd is 16 months and can be rough, i just keep saying no.

[ElenorRigby]

My 15 month old is rough with her big sister of 5. I dont think its a step parenting problem just a behavioral one.
Having said that are you nervous of disciplining your DSS as you are not his biological parent?

[Huggles22]

exactly that is my problem i don't know how do disipline him for it because he is not mine biologically i mean i'm worried his father will think i'm being to harsh and i don't know how to deal with this in a way that he won't feel i'm being to hard on him.

[catsmother]

At that age kids don't understand that pinching/biting/pushing etc is wrong and the only way to reinforce that it is - as you probably already know - is to keep saying "no, that's not nice" each time they do it, and hopefully, as he grows up he'll eventually get the message ..... though a lot of pre schoolers do this sort of thing for a year or two.

Bear in mind too that although your daughter has good intentions in playing nicely with him there may be times when he simply doesn't want to play with her - but at 19 months can't verbalise this - so his way of dealing with it is to push her away or whatever, so be aware that even tiny kids need their own space sometimes too.

Having said all that, you should be able to tell DSS off when he does something which is clearly wrong. You'd be doing the child no favours by ignoring it. What's more worrying is your DP's reaction, because clearly, he should be doing this disciplining first and foremost, not laughing it off ...... if DSS has actually heard his dad laugh when he does this, then he could be contributing to the problem as of course a 19 month old baby is going to keep doing what makes daddy laugh ..........

For this to work you and DP have got to agree ground rules and boundaries. Obviously, you'll need to take the ages of the respective kids into consideration when dealing with stuff but if you don't agree the fundamentals, then I'm afraid my advice would be to cut your losses and get out. There's very little which is more damaging to a step family than the adults disagreeing about how ALL the children should be disciplined and/or being inconsistent in how the rules are applied. You'll just end up feeling hugely resentful.

[cory]

As others have said, it's his age. And disciplining should be a fairly calm gentle affair, lifting him away and saying 'no' when he does something he shouldn't, but accepting that you won't change him straightaway.

Tbh this would probably have been exactly the same if he had been your dd's full biological brother. It is extremely common. It's just that it is more difficult for you to handle. But then you can't be very harsh with such a small child anyway, so that might make it easier in the short run.