about to become a step family in summer ,any tips from seasoned step families?

[skeletonbones]

Hello
Me an my two children (4 and 7) have been a single parent family for the last 4 years. two years ago I met my new partner and a few months after that I introduced him to the kids. He isn't a Dad himself but is very good with the children and they like him,and it all seems to be going pretty well,at the moment he comes and sees us a lot, and we're taking the plunge and moving in together in summer, on the one hand i can't wait, onthe other I feel scared its going to all go wrong like it did with my ex. any tips from people who have been there done that would be really apprecieated

[EllieG]

Congratulations! A couple of tips from my point of view (which will be his)

Don't expect him to be perfect. Don't be disappointed when he isn't. He is going to find this VERY hard at times, as there is a whole world of difference when you move in and have to do the day to day stuff.
Always back him up in front of the children - differences in opinion can be discussed after.
Don't expect too much of him, parenting so suddenly is an incredibly steep learning curve. Let him have some of his own space, and similarly, encourage him to do the fun stuff with the kids so the daily grind is not too much of a big shock. Cut him a bit of slack as he will make tons of mistakes and very importantly, TALK lots. And make time for you as a couple.

[fizzbuzz]

I would second Jammi, it is rewarding, but not easy.

I remember housework issue, it just seemed to double when we moved in together.....

Also you can try to predict any problems, but aomething will suprise you (like the housework, I never even thought about that!)

[Anna8888]

It's hard to begin with, however much you love your partner and he loves you.

Take it slowly, and try to remember all the time that there is more than one way of doing things and that it isn't necessarily your way versus his way - but a third way, that you will need to work out together. Do not assume that any decisions to be taken jointly will be easy - my partner and I couldn't easily choose a pair of socks together to begin with, let alone a sofa or a holiday... but it gets better if you just let yourselves take your time and don't get disappointed when things take much more time than you initially planned.

[VictorianSqualor]

He needs to know how you feel about every part of parenting, as you do with his ideas.
I'd suggest talking through possible scenarios, asking how he'd deal with them and seeing how you feel about them.

Step back and allow him to be 'boss' as often as possible, and ALWAYS back him up in front of the children, if something isn't as you would like then talk to him calmly and respectfully afterwards, hopefully he will be just as calm and respectful back and see where/why he has gone wrong. If he goes wrong with something you think could mess up his relationship with the DC's, encourage him to speak to them about it (especially the 7yr old).

When you give him advice, don't say 'you should do it this way', say 'Well, IME, if you do X they do X, so I found it easier to do Y'

I have been lving with DP for coming up to 2years now and he is great at it, but we both have to work really hard to listen to each other.

[skeletonbones]

Thanks for replies
daft as I am, I hadn't really thought about the co-parenting and differences of opinion aspect, its something my friends from two parent families talk about, but its so long ago since I've lived with my ex,who wasn't very 'hands on' to say the least. I was more anticipating difficulties with sharing finances,personal space, seeing each other every day ect.
Jammi, the childrens Dad does still see them, but not very often due to his disorganisation/disintrest/unreliability, he takes them out for the afternoon every few weeks. ex and current partner have met, current partner can tolerate ex, but doesn't like his unreliability towards the children and I (not that I'm happy with it either!)Ex says that he likes new partner because th children have said they get on him.

[fizzbuzz]

Co-parenting and differences of opinion (especially differences of opinion!) is what it is all about.

Tolerance, acceptance, biting your tongue, picking your battles, and 3 deep breaths are the biggest tips I can give.......