Stepson smoking weed at home

[Bossyboots13]

I have two grown up children who are married with children. I am married for a second time and live in my husband's home with his daughter and son who are late teens/early 20's. We have been together for 5 years. Right from the start we agreed not to parent each others children. Mine were grown and his have a mother who lives nearby that they see every week although they live with us full time . I cook most days and do bits around the home but don't get involved otherwise as my husband was a single parent for a long time and likes to do it himself. The youngest is fine and we get on well but the oldest has an attitude problem. He went travelling and has been back a few weeks and has not settled back in. He never eats with us, never says if he is going to be out, doesn't interact at all but the biggest problem is that he smokes weed in his bedroom pretty much every day. His dad asked him not to but he has ignored him and carried on. There has always been tension between my husband and his son but it seems to have got worse. I have offered to speak to him about it but he has asked me not to. The trouble is his attitude causes problems between my husband and me as we have been arguing about it.

Do I just put up with it or do I ignore my husband and say something to stepson?

[blindsider]

Leave well alone - You are damned if you do damned if you don't.

[NannawifeofBaldr]

He's an adult, not a child. This is not a parenting issue.

This is about someone living in your home and taking illegal drugs on a daily basis.

I would have quite a bit to say about that.

[JeanGenie23]

How would you want this broached if it was one of your children smoking weed?

Would it be useful for your DH to talk to his sons mother about this? I don't think you should get involved yet.

My concern would be what if he starts smoking in a field somewhere? Whilst weed is an illegal drug, and the cheaper stuff can definitely make you ill, it could be worse, and it could easily get worse very quickly if you go in too heavy footed.

[Lambly]

I absolutely agree with Nannawife. This is your home too, not just your husbands and you have a say in what goes on there.

He needs to not consume illegal drugs in the home you appear to be providing for him free of charge or find somewhere else to live. It seems quite simple to me.

[Bossyboots13]

The problem is that my husband does not feel able to tell him that. He avoids conflict and therefore is ignoring it.

[Lunar1]

Do you feel it is your home? If you pay towards it and are on the mortgage then you have every right to have a say. How long have you been there?

[NannawifeofBaldr]

In that case Bossy I'd be addressing the issue myself.

And I'd be asking my DH to consider how bad the behaviour would have to be before he's address it.

Interesting that he doesn't want conflict with his son but us happy to have conflict with you.

[JeanGenie23]

I would want to ask the son why are you doing it? What reaction does he want?

He is obviously doing it to cause a problem because no one smokes an illegal substance in broad daylight in someone else's home and expects to get away with it. Does he want to be kicked out perhaps?

[Wdigin2this]

He's doing it because he can, his father has enabled him to get away with this, and probably many more unacceptable things.
However, it isn't down to you, your DH must tackle him about this and any other objections you both have, about his behaviour in your home! If ihe doesn't, you are both in for a long and rough ride!

[blindsider]

Dour husband needs to grow a pair!

[Bossyboots13]

Thanks for the advice. Hubby has now spoken to his son and sorted it out.

[Nannawifeofbaldr]

Great news Bossy.

[Wdigin2this]

Glad to hear that Bossy but make sure he keep on top of the situation. His DS is not a child of the house, he's sharing your home, and must adhere to your household rules!