Fed up.

(95 Posts)
3CheekyLittleMonkeys Fri 18-Sep-15 11:34:07

My dad has offered to pick DS up from school this afternoon and also have DS2 to give me "a rest" and a chance to do whatever (cleaning, shopping, meet up with a friend, sleep because I'm knackered, etc) But it's DP's weekend to have DSD and now I can't do much as I have to go out anyway and pick her up. The boys are going to my dad's for tea. I don't want to pass the responsibility that people put on to me on to my dad so I'm not expecting him to pick DSD up. Tbh I think he's glad about that as it's not fair if I did that.

I feel like me and my family can only make plans like this on the days DP is not meant to have DSD, or when DP is off so he can pick DSD up, and tbh I feel pretty resentful about the situation. DP is at work and I'm expected to run around planning my life around him, his ex and DSD and what suits them. It's only DP's weekend this weekend because he swapped with his ex last week, so dp's ex's plans last weekend affect my plans today technically.I'm thinking of reverting back to the arrangement when she was at her old school and arranging for her to go to after school club on DP's days as I can see this becoming a recurring problem.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Fri 18-Sep-15 11:35:34

Not to mention when his ex wants me to do her favours in the future!

Wewereneverbeingboring Fri 18-Sep-15 14:40:39

Cheeky I do sympathise but you post time and time and time again about how your dick of a DP expects you to run around after all his kids (DSD and joint DC), generally takes you for granted and considers his ex's feelings over yours. Why would he ever change when you give him absolutely no incentive to do do? It appears the ex has done nothing wrong in this case, your DH should either have said no to swapping weekends or run it past you earlier so you could swap your own plans, or he should've arranged alternative pick up arrangements for his DD in the same way you did for your DS's.

By all means arrange after school club for DSD for the future but all you're doing is playing resentment whack-a-mole because unless your DP starts changing his attitude yet another problem caused by his actions will pop up soon enough.

When are you going to realise that there are men out there who do actually love, respect and support their partner? Don't get me wrong I find having DSCs enormously difficult but if I had to come onto MN to vent as frequently as you need to I'd start directing some of that frustration at the person who actually deserves it.

Yellowpansies Fri 18-Sep-15 15:19:56

Had your dad already arranged to take the boys before your DP swapped weekends? If so, he should have asked you before agreeing to the swap and you should have said no you couldn't pick DSD up easily and you'd have had a say in the decision to swap weekends. He really shouldn't be agreeing swaps without checking with you.

On the other hand, if you've arranged the plan with your dad after knowing it was your DP's weekend and you'd need to collect DSD too, then I think you're DP is likely to suspect you're just looking for excuses not to pick up DSD.

Georgethesecond Fri 18-Sep-15 15:24:24

Cheeky I think you need to change your mindset and accept this little girl as a part of your family. You post about her as though she is just an inconvenience to you and it is very sad to see.

lunar1 Fri 18-Sep-15 15:43:27

Bigfeet21 Fri 18-Sep-15 16:09:37

Sorry - your DSD now goes to the same school as your DCs - if previous posts are recalled correctly.

You now want to put your DSD in after school club on the days she is with your and your DP, so he can pick her up rather than you pick up all the DCs from the same school . Your pettiness and resentment of this girl being in your life is overwhelming. She is not going away.

What part of family do you not understand - she is with you 50% of the time, it is inevitable you will end up doing things for her - she is part of your family.

Whilst I sometimes feel sorry for you when you post - your obvious displeasure in the mere existence of this girl comes through every post you make.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Fri 18-Sep-15 17:51:48

God forbid I should want a bit of me time eh?

Yellowpansies Fri 18-Sep-15 17:59:22

I feel like me and my family can only make plans like this on the days DP is not meant to have DSD, or when DP is off so he can pick DSD up
I think if you define "my family" as you and your children alone, then yes that's correct. You can only make plans that don't include picking DSD up from school on days when you haven't agreed to pick her up surely?

Would be just the same if you had a regular arrangement with a friend to pick up their child on a Friday.

Why not arrange for your dad to have your boys (if he's not up for having DSD too) on a day when you've not agreed to pick up DSD from school so you can have some me time?

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Fri 18-Sep-15 17:59:37

Bigfeet I actually do a lot for her, so there's no need to point that out to me.

stitchglitched Fri 18-Sep-15 18:03:03

If you arrange your family so that you stay at home with the children whilst your partner works then I think it is reasonable to expect that you pick up your DSD on your DP's days. If you aren't happy to care for her then perhaps you could swap roles? Putting her in after school club whilst you pick your son up from the same school would be a shitty thing to do.

lunar1 Fri 18-Sep-15 18:03:14

So why not just say sorry dad I've got dsd today is there any chance we can arrange it for when I don't have her. ????Wanting to send her to after school club on your dp's time is horrible, though to be honest I'm surprised you would want that as you would complain it was utilising money intended for your childrenconfused

Bellebella Fri 18-Sep-15 18:03:48

For pity sake, do you ever actually have anything nice to say about the girl?

You post all the time complaining. It's not her fault, either sort your oh out or leave him. It's not fair to be this resentful of a innocent little girl.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 18-Sep-15 18:03:59

I agree with george, I find your posts upsetting OP. it might be more understandable if it was a new relationship and you were still adjusting,but if u recall correctly you've been a part of her life for 5 years! I find your contempt of the poor little girl so sad sad

Just imagine going to after school club knowing full well your brothers had been picked up and taken home, she must feel so left out sad

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Fri 18-Sep-15 18:08:13

lunar I've actually told my dad that going forward I will let him know the schedule each week as he doesn't know.

StanSmithsChin Fri 18-Sep-15 19:42:04

Cheeky either accept she is as much a part of your family as your own DC or leave the bloody relationship. You have her 50% of the time so when you made this arrangement with your dad you must have known it would be her time with you.
I have said it before and I will say it again you blame this poor little girl for all your partners failings. I think you believe life for you and your 3 cheeky monkeys would be better without her.......it won't. Your DP is a bad parent and a bad partner. Stop taking it out on her.

Bigfeet21 Fri 18-Sep-15 19:47:30

Anyone with 3 DCs would love some me time.

Mine happens roughly every 6-8 weeks and lasts about 3 hrs but it goes down the swanny when one of them is sick,has party invite etc.

By your reckoning you would still have one DC at home besides DSD - so not really you time.

RandomMess Fri 18-Sep-15 19:52:41

TBH the person who should have all the dc so you can have "me" time is your DP!!!!

It sounds like your DP doesn't see parenting as a joint partnership.

Having children is knackering it's a huge part of that stage and your partner needs to support you.

SurlyCue Fri 18-Sep-15 20:02:12

oh cheeky. it doesn't get any better in your family does it? its a whole big ball of resentment mixed in with DP's lack of parenting/pulling his own weight, mixed in with him taking you for granted, mixed in with you not being able to get past the fact he has a child that isn't yours.

something big needs to change, all of you need to actually make the changes or this is going to be your resentful, whingey life ad finitum. you sound miserable and I don't imagine it's much fun for anyone else either.

what needs to happen?

wannabestressfree Fri 18-Sep-15 20:05:04

You are a real glutton for punishment. Time and again you come on here to bitch about the 'problems' your step daughter causes you. I feel so desperately sorry for her as its obvious she is no more than a mere inconvenience.
Why could your dad not have had her too considering she is grandchild? Or is she not seen that way?
Where is your feckless partner in all this?
Why not just leave him with your children? All of them?.
Or ltb..... Your posts are becoming boring now....

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Fri 18-Sep-15 20:21:20

wannabe As I said, why should my dad have to pick up DSD though? Her teachers don't know who he is for one. Is it seriously ok to expect a child's stepparent's parent to pick them up? I went and picked her up today. My dad shouldn't have had to.
Bigfeet I'm lucky in that a have great support from my family who help out when they can. I'm not going to feel guilty for having me time in less time than 6-8 weeks. I hope you don't think I am crap mum for accepting help when it's offered?

SurlyCue Fri 18-Sep-15 20:26:44

your dad doesn't have to. is there a reason why he wouldn't want to? its fair enough if he doesn't, 3 kids can be a handful where 2 are easier.

what should have happened is that you either said "dad DSD is here this week so could we re-arrange for next week. meaning you wont have all 3 of them" or you tell DP that he would have to arrange someone to collect her when he agreed with EXW to have her as you were having some time to yourself.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Fri 18-Sep-15 20:27:33

Surly I have tried really really hard recently, and during the holidays I felt like I made huge progress. Then last week just threw me again when dp and his ex arranged that I would pick DSD up on DS's first day at school.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Fri 18-Sep-15 20:29:47

He doesn't want to because he doesn't think it's right. He doesn't know her teachers and he feels a bit uncomfortable about it tbh. That's just the way he feels about it.

Pantone363 Fri 18-Sep-15 20:33:26

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