Hey,
First time poster in this section, was hoping for some advice from those wiser than me.
Summary:
I have 2 DCs. DP has 2 DCs. All four are within 3 yrs of each other (6-9 ish age range).
DP and I live together with my DC (about 75% of the time, the rest they are with their father).
Due to varying circumstances, we only get to have DSC in the school holidays. Half terms, easter, Christmas, and Summer when they come here to stay. We visit them for the day when we can.
All the children get on very well, and it's generally going ok. Apart from the nagging feeling that we are always the bad guys. DSC do whatever they want at home. They pretty much get waited on hand and foot, they never have to say please, they leave dirty clothes all over the floor and struggle to flush the toilet.
DC that live here have to help as a team. They make their beds, clear the table, tidy their rooms, say please, don't demand cola or the playstation every half an hour. Because neither DP nor I would allow it.
As far as we are concerned (and DP and I are united as far as raising kids goes), the rules have to be the same for all of them. I think kids adapt to different rules in different houses, and they will learn. I can't have two of them sitting on their bum whilst I go around flushing toilets and clearing pages with the other two being forced to go and make their beds.
We had a chat with DSC about this, explained that things are different at home to here, but we all work as a team together and they are part of our family, which means they get treated as such, not like guests - because they aren't!
DSD (9) today said she "wished she'd never come to see us", because I asked her to help DS clear the table after dinner, followed by huffing and stropping and all sorts. When we all them to do anything, it's a battle.
Now, I feel like this is the way it HAS to be, because I want to treat all 4 of them the same, and fairly. DP agrees, but we are both sitting with that niggling feeling that we are the bad guys. We want them to have fun here, and want to come. I don't want them to think it's worse here because they can't scream in the garden at 6am, or play tablets in bed until midnight, but at the same time, I can't let them do those things :/
So come on, wise step parents, how the FUCK do I deal with this?
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Step-parenting
different rules here/there and being the bad guy.
15 replies
PfftTheMagicDraco · 11/08/2015 20:55
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