AIBU about DSS's mum not being co-operative

[GreenGoth89]

Can't say too much cos I don't want to out myself but AIBU about having to pay for everything out of my benefits for DSS because his mother refuses to contact DWP/HMRC about him having moved in with us OVER 3 MONTHS AGO, so we're not getting any money for him - no CH or tax credits. I'm unwell and my DP is looking after me and DSS so we don't have a lot to live on. I'm just ranting but shes working too and receiving all the benefits for him still. Just makes me angry! We could have to wait a further 12 weeks for anything to come through and I'm not angry about spending the money at all, I'm angry cos shes stretching our already tight finances and offering nothing asides from insults and shes not even seeing her son (her choice) either.

[FenellaFellorick]

Your partner can fill all that in himself, can't he?

He can contact them and notify everyone?

[ThisNameIsBetterThanMyRealOne]

Why does she need to contact hmrc? You need to inform them that he now lives with you and from what date, they will pay from that date and she will have to pay it all bak.

[ThisNameIsBetterThanMyRealOne]

*back

[GreenGoth89]

We've done all the forms but she needs to send in forms too apparently and agree to it all otherwise it goes to a decision maker who will decide it all. I know they'll back date it all but its a real strain in the meantime. We've contacted HMRC/DWP and they've said they can't do anything more before they receive the forms from her and they've given her a set time period in which to do so.

[Reginafalangie]

Sadly there is little you can do.bthey will back date it but that doesn't help you now. What is the cut off date they have given?

Sometimes getting SS involved can speed up the process. Hope you are feeling better soon OP.

[GreenGoth89]

I think its 24th August and then it'll go to the decision maker but it could be a further 10 weeks on that if that happens.

They may well become because of other circumstances the mother is involved in but they're not exactly known for being quick off the block either.

I should be feeling compassionate towards her because I know what mental health issues can do to someone from experience but she makes matters worse for herself not better.

[PeruvianFoodLover]

greengoth I totally understand the frustration you are feeling; cash flow problems are a nightmare for any household, especially when ill health is a factor as well.

trying to understand the reasons why your DSS mum may be doing this might help quell your frustration - as you say, mental health issues can result in irrational behaviour that long term, makes things worse. I imagine there may also be an element of denial on her part - willingly giving up the CB etc could feel to her like she is giving up on her DC, who (I'm surmising) has been removed from her care against her wishes?

From a practical perspective, if you have been awarded residency of a DC unexpectedly due to failures on the part of the resident parent, there are charities who can help with short term loans; would this be a possiblity? You could try Homestart, your local Early Help Centre or even your local citizens advice as a starting point, as they may be able to signpost you?

[GreenGoth89]

No she gave him up of her own free will, out of the blue.

We can't seem to get any access to the local Children's centre unless we have a family support worker which we can't get unless we get referred by the HV who we can't get an appointment with until she's received the referral from the previous one. Its bloody nuts!


I've spoken to the local advice centre and they';ve said theres nothing that they can do, but i've been told they're not that well informed so I'll try the HV again and see if she's got the referral but its like going around in circles. My mum has said she can loan us £100 but thats not going to last us very long. Urgh! :(