How can I help the situation to improve?

[MrWilliams]

NC for obvious reasons.

I don't want to get too much into the background, but here's the situation: XP & I live in the same town, not far from each other. Our separation was reasonably amicable. We have 2 DCs, of early primary age, and care is shared evenly.

DP (who I met after the split) has 1 DC, of pre-school age, whose father chooses not to have contact. DP is not from my town.

Because of the respective childcare arrangements, DP & I agreed that she should move in with me. This has been fine from a practical perspective, the kids are happy etc.

However, DP is struggling. Our town is quite small, & everyone that we encounter seems to know XP. I lost a lot of friends through the split (XP suggested that I might be having an affair, & that I wanted to move back to my home country with the children - both of which are entirely untrue), so I don't have a network of friends locally. Added to that, I work in a nearby city & commute, so it's difficult to build up a new network.

DP does the school run with the children when we have them. But XP is a teacher at the school, so DP finds it to be a very hostile environment towards her - the parents in the playground will say hello to my DCs, but will ignore DP (I've seen this happening). DP's DC will, unless we change arrangements significantly, also end up going to this school, and will be taught by XP.

DP & I both do a hobby, which XP also does. XP is a member of the town club, so since the split I've been going to another town to do the hobby, although I've recently given up as it's impractical. So the obvious opportunity for DP to meet new people in town isn't available.

XP is also well connected at the local faith centre, that we would otherwise go to. We travel to one in another town.

The DCs are of an age where every action is accompanied by "mum does x, mum does y". Obviously they're not criticising, they're just commenting, and it's good that they feel comfortable being able to do that.

Now, I know that very little of this is XPs fault (except some of the things that she said to our mutual friends), but DP is finding it very difficult to make a space for herself in this life.

We arranged a get together through an internet forum recently, as a way of meeting new people in the town. It was nothing to do with school, nothing to do with our faith, nothing to do with our hobby. About an hour into the get together, who should walk in but XP (a genuine coincidence). & it turned out that the other family that we'd got together with were good friends with XP, as they do another acitivty together every week.

It just feels relentless.

It's hard for me, but I get to go to work 5 days a week. How can I help DP to cope with the situation? Have any of you who've moved into your DPs lives had this same problem? How have you dealt with it? DP is still getting treatment for PND & anxiety too, & this situation is not helping in the slightest.

Any ideas, however far reaching, are welcomed!

[lunar1]

I think you need to sit down and go through every possible activity/group that your partner could attend. Although it's not her fault, moving into your life doesn't sound at all healthy.

And if I was her I wouldn't like the potential school arrangements either. I think you need to really look at things as you could have some tough choices ahead. Would you want to end up in a situation where you are going to have to move for her and compromise on what sounds like an otherwise ideal situation with your children and ex.

I would be asking myself if you would both have to sacrifice too much to make this relationship work?