today I felt absolute rage inside

[NamesNick]

dss who is only 3.5 tested me to the extreme today.

I have a dd and dp has 3 boys (7,5,3) we all live together one week on one week off. generally we get on fine apart from dp and I and our apparent different parenting styles - however we discuss our approaches and find a nice balance.

just today dss really tested me and for the first time I actually felt so angry. like blood boiling angry.

obviously this was kept inside and I took five minutes on my own to process. but bloody hell I scared myself

the dc know no different and dp knows how our youngest has tried us today.

but I feel awful.

anyone else found themselves in that position?

[CunningCat]

Going from 1 child to 4 every other week sounds like a massive challenge to me! Massive pat on the back and for you. I'm not a step parent BTW, I salute you all! I do however have 4 kids, and often feel aaaarrrrggghhh!

[NamesNick]

cunningcat, I never really saw it as a challenge but yes i suppose it is.
dd is so easy iyswim, she is 4 and I am really lucky, of course she can be a madam at times but I am well equipped to handle her when that happens.
youngest dss can be so difficult. always has to have his own way - does not understand the concept of patience or sharing - and the tantrums are of epic proportions. ..he screams, no, he wails for ages...I literally had to huckle him back to the car and took him home.
I am very consistent on the discipline front with all four but sometimes it's just so tough.

it must be tough on the dc with the transition. ..change of homes week on week and my dd having busy house to quiet house.

im rambling now.

wine helped last night

[Goneintohibernation]

I think it was a totally normal and natural reaction to the situation you were in. It would be concerning if you had acted on how you felt, but you didn't. It is the other way round in my house. My DS (our youngest) has made me feel like that a couple of times, whereas DSS is the easy, laid back one. I think dealing with 4 children would be challenging for anyone, without the added complication of a blended family.

[NamesNick]

like a pp said upthread today is a new day and the dsc have made me a lovely card (with assistance from their mother!) and gave me my fave chocs.

in general everything does go quite smoothly around here. We all make the best of it. but absolute credit must go to the dc who seem to just go along with things.

thanks for the kind words.

I read on here about the woman who cried in a cafe and strangers pulled together to help. everyone has those days and it is nice to hear that we are doing ok

[Sethspeaks]

Glad things are better. You had a perfectly understandable reaction. It can be hard enough being a parent when children's behaviour gets hard. There are thousands of mums who have done the same as you when it all gets too much.

Added to that for a step mum is that he isn't your biological child and living in a situation that is not all within your control. Being a step parent is hard. I love and treat my dsd as my own, we have a good relationship. But there is a subtle difference in my love for dd. It's biology, it's just and added extra ingredient that's there for dd and not there for dsd because I didn't give birth to her. And because of that I have noticed a subtle difference when I am cross with either.

So please don't beat yourself up over this. It is ok to have moments when you can't deal with the behaviour, time out and support is essential. Over the years I've done it loads - phone a friend, head out for wine, pop to the shops as we were running out of milk.

Dsd once wound me up so much on holiday that I just removed myself from where we were sat, went and sat on a bench where I couldn't hear her. She shouted louder so I removed myself again further away. Left her and her Dad to it. We are now years later and we now laugh about it, we visit said bench and she has even taken her boyfriend there. And what she now says is that she loves me for never giving up on her. There always a new day and a new page, and she was just a little girl doing her best. But that doesn't mean I didn't find it hard and didn't get all ranty in my head, and didn't then feel guilty for the rage.

Honestly, you are doing great.