Extras: How do you pay?

[toni74]

Hello

Can I check how do NRP pay for non-maintenance items (extras: birthday party's hobbies trips etc). Historically we've paid for these by cash, but now (so late in the game) feel we should pay by bank transfer. Just looking for general feedback. Ty

Ps maintenance is always paid by bank transfer.

[17leftfeet]

My ex never pays for extras as 'that's what I pay you maintenance for'

But I would be happy with a bank transfer or cash -just not cheque

[OnlyWantsOne]

He never ever has so sorry I can't help in reality however I think it would be better to be done via BT so there is a paper trail.

[captainproton]

We pay by bank transfer, or direct to the school for trips.

[toni74]

Thankyou for the quick responses, would bank transfer work for one- off requests aswell to those who said bank transfer. I feel this is a better way as a way of recording things. Ty once again

[gingermopped]

My ex pays any extras by transfer, my now dp pay extras with cash. what's the need to have a paper trail if the right amount of maintenance is being paid anyway!

[toni74]

Fair point Gingermopped, I think for us it's about having a record. We've had a couple of incidents of paying for something and then being asked to repay!

[Elizabeth120914]

We pay cash would rather bank transfer. A friend paid cash and ended up with a £18k back child support bill when it turned out his ex was claiming she got nothing and got busted for benefit fraud and he had no proof.

Yes if your paying the right amount to someone reasonable but people are very odd when it comes to money. If it's cash I would keep receipts for anything bought ie clothes etc..

[purpleroses]

We always pay direct to whoever it is - the school, etc. No extra money ever gets paid to the ex (though she does get v high child support)

[LadySybilLikesCake]

They are supposed to pay for extras?? Ds hasn't been sent so much as a Christmas card for the past 2 years and his father refuses to reply to any of my emails, so the chances of this are beyond none.

[Petal02]

Ditto Needaholidaynow.

[swissfamily]

DH pays direct when possible (usually is) and by bank transfer when it's not using the purpose as a reference e.g. "school trip money" so it is recorded that he's paid and for what.

[TheMumsRush]

For extras not covered by maintenance DH pays cash. Things like uniform/trips. Birthdays we do our own thing

[alwaystryingtobeafriend]

My DP pays maintenance by standing order and just gives her cash for rare stuff the rest of the time. They do birthdays and Christmas themselves. For things like uniforms she only asks him for half the money for their jumpers- she buys the rest. DP would give her more but she never asks then pleads poverty. But at the same time he gives her maintenance money and that should cover such things - it's bout our fault she blows it all on shite! Xx

[Whatever21]

This has been informative and heartening that some people do pay for extras.

I get £400pcm for 2 DCs - this does not cover, his share of swimming lessons ~( he insists on) child care for the days he should have them and dumps me in it at the last minute, food, clothes, school trips, books, toys, birthdays, Xmas , Easter, football club - his choice. As for holidays - def no contribution, child care during holidays when he does not have them when he should. One of my DCs has grown 4 inches in 3 months and gone up 4 shoes sizes - school shoes, football boots and trainers x 3 - am now refusing to buy again before the end of term are not cheap!

I would never let my DCS go with out, but the attitude I pay and that is it, is sad. Am smiling that more people do not do this, even though obvious some resent it

[nomoretether]

With exH, we take it in turns, so I buy school shoes, he buys coats. He pays for hobbies on his time, I pay for them on my time etc. We have a shared care arrangement.

With DHs ex wife, he just pays maintenance. She has refused any overnights stays at all so gets the full rate maintenance. DH pays for contact centre handovers (£25 a week, unavoidable as she manipulates the children into not wanting to come but are fine/excited to come when she isn't present) and pays for all activities/meals on the one day a week she allows him to see them, so probably totalling another £300/mo on top of maintenance.

[WestEast]

My DP pays for the extras, school trips, half the holiday fare etc either by bank transfer or cash, depends on how much cash he has on him :) but him and his ExW have a very good relationship.

[SeaSaltMill]

Ex goes out and buys the DSC stuff then calls DH saying 'I've spent £500 on their clothes can you give me half' He laughs at her.

We buy them clothes and trainers etc when they need them / want them. He pays half for uniforms every year (then she doesn't send them to school) and he pays half for trips etc as part of the maintenance payments which are BT from my bank.

She then calls at Christmas and before birthdays to ask for the money early because she needs to buy their presents. So DH basically pays for all the presents from us and all the presents from their mum.

Its a great system.

[nomoretether]

Why on earth would he be paying for presents from her?