apologies this is going to be a long post.
I have two fantastic step daughters aged 7 and 10 , oldest girl is not dh biological child but he has raised her from less than 1yr old so they have a very close father daughter bond and i love the fact that he didnt walk away from her when his marriage to their mother broke down, dsd1 is such a lovely girl and confides in me a great deal as i have known her since age 6 when dh and i started dating. the girls recently started calling me mum now the exw hates this but it was their decision because they heard our ds calling me "fluttercub" because thats what they called me. she also doesnt like how close we are in general and i suspect its because she doesnt have the same closeness we tell each other all the time how much we love each other.
we have several concerns tbf dsd1 has said on numerous occasions that she wants to live with us and hates her mum which is awful to hear as a girl should be closest to her mum. we always say you dont really mean that "minicub1" you know you would miss her and your ds's but she just says "minicub2" can come too because dh is her dad and she doesnt like her baby sister who has a different dad our concerns are growing because now the exw has a new baby a little boy and thats all she has ever wanted she told us herself she only has 4dc's because she was trying to get a boy! and dsd's heard this and they were hurt by it. they often have the dreaded nits their clothes when dropped off for the rare visits we get are often stained or too small poor dsd1 is a little on the chubby side and is so uncomfortable half the time in too tight clothes and embarrassed by looking scruffy they are both bullied at school because of the nits/scruffy appearence but it seems everytime we send them home with clothes that do fit and look smart and clean they dissapear its gotten to the point that dh relatives ask us to keep dsd birthday/christmas presents at our house so they know they will wear them more than once.
we rarely see them in two months we have seen them for one night and i am getting concerned that ds is missing out on building a strong bond with his sisters.
She also constantly tells them our ds is only their half brother and they are all full siblings dispite all 4 dc having different dads this infuriates me because in reality they are all half siblings but we dont point it out.
dsd2 struggles with basic math reading and has a very poor attention span but the worst thing is she has started telling lies to get attention even to us which is not necessary at all. we have offered to have dsd's more often on several occasions but basically been fobbed off with a "we'll sort something" and then being ignored for weeks. I know by law we can push for contact with dsd2 because she is dh's biological daughter but we have no clue were we would stand with regards contact with dsd1 he never legally adopted her though she does have his surname. I just want to intergrate my dsd's properly into my family unit but that is going to take more contact and regular contact we want to have them every other weekend but exw never replies to messages or answers phone calls in the week before our weekend. Dh works shifts so alot of the time it would be me providing most of their care but i want to do it, i enjoy having them and our ds 3yrs gets extreamly excited when they arrive to the point he will squeel their names and dash over for hugs and kisses and is very sullen and difficult when they go home too soon and for a few days after each visit he will ask were his sisters are and when they are coming again and i cant give him an answer except they had to go home. Help advise support anything you can offer would be very greatfully recieved xx
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concerned dsds will be ignored by hubbies exw now she has her baby boy and other worries in general
22 replies
Fluttercub · 24/04/2014 22:18
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