Fed up - rant

[FedupofTurkey]

Dp and I nearly split up, he wants me to parent but when i do accused me of not liking skids and asks me to leave! Have decided to butt out and let him parent - hard to do in reality :(

Not sure if we wants me or just a mother for skids :(

[collsywolls74]

Hi there .. omg .. what a difficult situation to be in. Do you have your own kids or children together ???
He needs to sit down with you and discuss your role .. not issue ultimatums .. that unfair :-( .. and then in turn he has to stick to the joint decisions you make together .. Until you both sit down it may be a good idea to keep out of parenting .. difficult I know and not a situation I envy. He is being very unfair and leaving you not knowing what to do :-(

[FedupofTurkey]

Collys - we both have our own kids that live with us 24/7

[collsywolls74]

and does he parent your children ???

[FedupofTurkey]

We have discusssd roles and we 're both on agreement that im more nurture, he's more discipline, but I can't help but step in esp as the skids come to me to deal as dp can be a bit disney

[FedupofTurkey]

Collys - probably not really, my kids aren't much trouble and do what they're told. Having said that they do have their moments and he has stepped in - his style is different to mine, ie shout and not follow through.

[collsywolls74]

Hmmm .. a tough one :-( .. I still think he is being very unfair ... he cant ask you to parent one minute and then accuse you of not liking the skids the next :-( . Its obvious they like you as they come to you voluntarily. disney parents are hard to parent with. Do you mind me asking does he treat your children differently to his own ?? Sorry if I am being personal x

[collsywolls74]

Different parenting styles are hard too esp if middle ground cant be found. Discipline and step parenting is such a grey area. But if he wants you to parent then ground rules are neede for both and he does need to follow through with discipline :-(. It sounds like you need to both sit down away from the home if possible and talk this through and then stick to it. You deserve some respect .. and being a step mum is way tougher I personally think as the kids are not biologically yours. And sorry think some messages are crossing over.

[FedupofTurkey]

Collys - no, thats fine :)

I would say he's kind to my kids, but as I say my kids generally stick to the rules, they probably push the boundaries more with me
than dp. Plus if I see an issue with my kids I will deal with it. On the occasions he has said things about their behaviour to me i have dealt with it.

The skids do like me, that isn't an issue, they come to me as they see that I deal with issues.

The problem is the rift its driving between me and dp. Maybe I'd be the same if he was repeatedly disciplining my kids.

[collsywolls74]

I see your point. The major thing here is that you deal with your kids behaviour should any occur and follow through whereas he doesn't. And he is being unfair regarding how you are with his children. Personally I think you are doing an amazing job as both a parent and step parent. Sorry to sound harsh but I think he needs to grow up a little and work as a team with you. The rift will only get worse if he continually makes you feel worse about trying to be involved. And in fairness to you it sounds like you don't mind when it's required him stepping up and disciplining your kids. He needs to work on his own parenting style and not criticise yours