dss' mother has chucked all her teddies out of her pram. ffs.

(31 Posts)

Really long, and I am boggled by the complete nuts-ness of it all.

For the last year I've had dss dropped off at ours before school when he's been at his mum's overnight. The agreed time for drop off was 8am. I have 3 dcs, one of whom is collected by taxi anytime after 8am. The child in question dd1 is the queen of faffing and needs lots of directing as she gets easily distracted by her barbies/anything else. typical 7yo. Last term dss was dropped off between 7.30 and 7.45 every morning. I would grump to dp, but knowing what his xw is like just took it on the chin, despite the disruption a bored 10yo had on trying to get dd1's arse in gear. Don't get me wrkng, he's lovely, but naturally gravites towards dd1 to play with and him arriving well before 8 made life really stressful.

Sl the first morning of this term that she's dropping hkm off in the morning and he pops through the back door at 10 to 8 and I'm thinking oh no, here we go again. So I asked dp to diplomatically remind her that 8am was the agreed time and why.

We also had the factor of last academic year I was running him to an activity on a Monday- 'her day' as a favour to him . This year dd1 is beginning choir at church and I'd given dp plenty of notice, from Easter, that I'd no longer be able to take him as the time between his vlub starting and choir was too short to do dinner and reading. Dp duly arranged for the childminder that he has on another evening to take him, and we naively assumed sorted.

For information, dss does trampolining on Monday, childminder Tuesday, swimming lesson and scouts on Wednesday, tramps again on a Thursday. Until recently it was cubs, also on a Thursday. All the schools are having their open evenings, mostly on Thursdays, each in a different week iygwim. We facilitate all the above, with the exception of the Monday tramps now. Last year dss had football training on a Friday night, he has now changed clubs, mostly because their training methods had changed, and because training this year would clash with scouts. The new club train on a Saturday morning. Right from when dp first raised the possibility of this she made it exceptionally clear that she would not take dss to the training sessions on her weekends.

Contact is wed-fri one week, wed-mon the other. 7 nights out of 14.

Still with me?
If

To say she has now gone beyond batshit nuts is an understatement. Apparently I am horrid to dss, I don't care about him, I don't facilitate him attending his clubs... it goes on with many personal attacks towards me as well.
Now she is saying dss will not be with us over half term because she won't have me looking after him.
Apparently I have proved I am a nasty person who doesn't care about him because I won't take him to tramps on 'her' night, yet she refuses to take him to football? !
The latest is that we have not done his homework- Wed he had scouts, and more to the point, I doubt he'd got it at that point, ds in the year below hadn't. Thurs, I could almost see her point... except between 6-9pm dss and dp were with her looking round a bloody secondary school! Tonight she collected him at 6, he'd had a rare opportunity to go to a friends after school and would have been gutted to have been refused when in his own words, weekends at hiz mums are spent watching tv non-stop.

I'm confused, insulted, and not amused. Dp is seething at this latest missive, and is writing a terse response. Wouldn't mind except only earlier we were joking that my xh makes her look reasonable (spent yesterday in court, he filed papers just before the deadline in March, one of the few ways left he has to abuse us)

Gah. Just cheesed off, and pissed off for dp.

nkf Sat 28-Sep-13 09:51:30

Your husband has delegated his parental duties to you. Take it up with him.

Onesleeptillwembley Sat 28-Sep-13 09:59:06

You all sound as bad as each other. Poor kid in the middle.

NotsoSmugNow Sat 28-Sep-13 10:05:58

The'well you can't run him to tramps anymore so I'm not having you look after him during dp's half of half term'

So you're offended because she's said she'd rather your DP didn't delegate care of his DC to you. Why? What difference does it make - if anything, it makes your life easier?

You are very involved in the day to day contact with your DCs mum - this is obviously causing you stress, and that isn't good for any of the DCs in your life.
Do what is right for them, take a step away and don't try and ingratiate yourself with your DP or his ex by offering to do favours that involve their DC.

Dumpylump Sat 28-Sep-13 10:08:37

Yep, you're absolutely right. 10 minutes early in the morning is outrageous. Make him sit outside in the car, or if she won't wait, on the doorstep.
Good grief!

PractialJoke Sat 28-Sep-13 10:22:45

You can say he's welcome as often as you like, you're not behaving like he's welcome and he will know the difference.

If you feel put upon that's entirely between you and dp yet you've never mentioned him.

Why doesn't dss stay the night for the part of the week he's with you? Or if he does how is he being dropped off 2-3 mornings?

Tuckshop Sat 28-Sep-13 10:48:19

I too don't think its worth getting into an argument over what time he's dropped off, or over a lunchbox.

I also wouldn't be starting a post like this knowing that my dsd lurked here.

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