My DH has had dsd full time since she was tiny. She was born when he was 19 so still living with parents, where they stayed whilst dh went to work, GPs looked after dsd during the day. Then she started school, dh got a flat too at from school, GPs continued to look after her during the week but dh stayed with them and then he and dsd went home at weekends.
The point of thisis that MIL did a lot of primary caring in the early days so is took a long time to get used to things when I came on the scene.
I have been now for 4 years. We are married, have a house, baby etc etc. I do school stuff, washing, emotional tuff, appointments etc etc. I still involve MiL as much s poss S I know how hard it was for her to let go.
ANYWAY, was talking to MiL today about how I find it sad that step parents have no rights at all, and how if dh died dsd would automatically go to her mother, despite me bring her up for 4 years, her home and siblings being with me.
MIL then told me that I hadn't been bringing her up at all and surely if anything she would go to live with them!!! I am reallyoffended. I do understand that she played and still plays a massive role is dsd's life but really?!
All this on top of the fact that she undermines me constantly, and lets herself in to my house to rearrange dsd's sock drawer and take her laundry without asking.
No, we've asked her before. We did think about requesting via courts but to be honest, I've never once been asked for it for doc appts etc and DH didn't want to cause unnecessary friction when we may not even get it.
Clam, I can understand where she is coming from, hence why I've let it go for so long about letting herself in etc, I just think she is so so tactless. She is her grandmother at the end of the day, a big part of her life, yes, of course, but her home, school, brother, friends, are all here...
fairy Lets hope it never happens, but there are things you and your DP can do to protect your DSD should your DP die.
Unmarried, resident stepparents have the automatic right in law to apply for contact/residency with a stepchild after they have lived with the DC for two years. Your DP can record his wishes, which can be used in any court case, and all the evidence you have cited - friends, half-siblings etc will also be considered. It is certainly not the case that your DSD will automatically live with her Mum - or her grandparents!
BTW - if you are married, the right to apply for contact is immediate, not dependent on time spent living together. Even a married stepmum with non-resident DSC has that right if the child has been treated as a 'child of the family' (taken holidays etc).