Struggling, feeling inadequate

[FedupofTurkey]

Help! Recently moved in with partner and dss and my ds, there are 5 dss 24/7 and i have 1 ds. I'm struggling with the lack of space/relaxation time - school holiday squabbles! I know its early days and there are good times but its getting me down. Please support!

[smilingthroughgrittedteeth]

hi Fedup I know what you mean about lack of space, my dsc spend every holiday with us and 1 weekend a month, I love them both but our house is tiny and I used to struggle with going from a nice quiet life with just me and dp to a chaotic, noisy house in the holidays, I used to dread the summer holidays but over time I've got used to it and am actually really excited that it's only 2 days till we pick them up for the holidays.

I have a strict rule that my bedroom is off limits and will take myself off up there to read for awhile if I need some peace, I take the dog for a walk every morning and evening by myself and am strict about bedtimes, they both have to be in their room by 9pm so that dp and I can have some childfree time before bed, dsd is nearly 15 so that rules more relaxed now but she doesn't like anything we do on tv so tends to sit in the kitchen on her laptop watching you tube clips.

[theredhen]

Hi there,

As a fellow step mum to 4 (albeit not all boys and not all 24/7) I can probably give you some tips on what has worked for me and what hasn't. I also have 1 DS.

What are the ages of all the boys? Do you work, full time / part time? Are your step kids grandparents around if not their Mum? Are you left alone for long periods with the step kids or is DP always there?

[FedupofTurkey]

Hi RH, thanks for your support offer! Kids are 6, 8, 11, 13 and 15. Mine being in the middle. I work 4 days so get 1 day off when they're at school. No grandparents around. Partner sometimes works away for months at a time.

[theredhen]

Oh wow, you've got your work cut out!

What did your partner do before you moved in, in the holidays?

I don't think it's sustainable for your well being to look after 4 kids that aren't yours 24/7 with no support for months on end, to be honest.

The trouble is when there are so many kids is that you don't get a break even if 1 or 2 go out and I really think you need a break sometimes! Would finances allow you to send them off to holiday club sometimes on your day off (for the younger 2) and maybe encourage the big ones to go to a PGL type thing or have sleepovers at friends? Co-ordinating getting 5 kids out of the house is hard work in itself though.

I think you need very firm rules and very clear consequences. 5 boys are going to squabble but if you are clear about the house rules, this will minimise it.