Dss and his partner

(32 Posts)
AuntyVirus Mon 27-May-13 22:07:01

My dss partner gave birth to their first child together nearly 2 weeks ago , she has a daughter from a previous relationship.
Over the last week most of the happiness of becoming first time grandparents has been taken away from myself and his dad. ( I have posted about this in relationships ).
Over the last week she has invited us over several times see grandson only to be out when we got there or to tell dss when we knocked on door that she had changed her mind and to go away .
I am truly heartbroken and angry at the way we are being treat by them both . I understand that it is early days and that they are entitled to change there minds as to if we can visit or not .
My partner wants to phone dss tomorrow to see if we can visit and I don't want him to although I haven't told him this .
I don't want to get my hopes up of visiting grandson and the rest of the family only to be let down , or to create an awkward atmosphere at what should be a happy and enjoyable time .
I suppose what I want to know is I am I in the wrong for feeling like this but I feel like she is trying to push us away from grandson or is seeing how much messing about we will take .

Dumpylump Tue 04-Jun-13 14:18:11

It is possible to re-register a birth, and there iis a procedure about what to do if one parent is not co-operating, but I think that your dss needs to get some legal advice as soon as possible.
He should apply for parental rights and responsibilities, and should get some information about how to proceed with regard to contact with his child.
I am so sorry that you are all in this position, it must be awful for you. sad

squeelybean Tue 04-Jun-13 14:30:19

I'm so sorry to hear this but it doesnt surprise me sadly. There must be some unwritten script that a few women choose to followsad

You have to get legal advice fast because i know from Dh's experience that the longer you allow for her swings in moods and the kinder side of her nature to see reason, the harder it will get because the chances are it wont happen.

I've seen it written so many times on MN that you should nip to the solicitors and fill in forms which makes the whole system sound easy and problem free and also how men should fight for their children, no matter what. It is not that bloody easy unfortunately.

Your Dss could be in for a hell of a time emotionally and financially because if she really wants to cut him out then she can do it even with court intervention which will be incredibly costly.

He has to get his name on the BC, so make that application asap. its a step forward if nothing else.

Legal should have the correct form number for you x

AuntyVirus Sun 09-Jun-13 16:26:07

Thank you dumpy and squeely for your replies ,
Dss is going to contact solicitor tomorrow and has downloaded a parental guardianship form (I think it's called).

Girlfriend has stopped contact altogether now , sending dss text messages along the lines of she never wanted baby and he's ugly , and that baby is a bastard. This is all so heartbreaking for everyone involved.
Girlfriend is obviously is in need of help I just hope her family recognise this and are not encouraging her behaviour as her mother is very similar to her .

ihearsounds Sun 09-Jun-13 16:54:53

He needs to keep all the texts that she sends him. He will need them

AuntyVirus Sun 09-Jun-13 17:48:36

He has kept all texts sent to him and has forwarded them on to me just incase he should delete them .
Dss dad has also told dss to not go visit baby if she decides to contact him and say he can until he has spoken to solicitor , is this a good idea or should he go visit him while he can .

squeelybean Mon 10-Jun-13 10:32:52

I would visit when he is allowed and make sure he keeps a diary of everything for any legal battle. All of that info will help him when it comes to access.

Be careful that he doesnt delete those texts even though he has forwarded them on to you in case it has his number stored as sender on your phone instead of hers.

Do not let him get wound up with her or upset which is what happened to Dh. He played right into his Exs hands when he banged on her door upset when she arranged for him to see his DS but then refused to open it as she had male company! Her distressed call to the police as a victim of a domestic was duly recorded and made Dh look like a violent nutter and not a distressed Dad desperate to see his sonhmm

Thank God not many women are like this but she won in the end and he hasnt had contact since.

AuntyVirus Mon 10-Jun-13 14:09:43

Thank you squeely for sharing your dh situation, I hope when his daughter is old enough you will get to see her .

We have advised dss not to contact his girlfriend unless she does so first . He said she has blocked his mobile number and only unblocks it to send abuse to him then blocks it again .
I just feel so sorry for the baby and girlfriends daughter to be caught up in the middle of all this .

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