Dp is now listening to my concerns regarding dsd2 aged 15 who lives with us.
She's a lovely girl with a nice personality. She's predicted all a/a* for gcse, has friends and a boyfriend at school. all nice people. However, she spends every waking minute being with my ds. She rarely socialises nowadays, doesn't have friends back and has given up any after school activities she used to do. She seems perfectly happy and well adjusted apart from this.
Ds says he finds it odd that she sits next to him the whole time but says he doesn't mind. He says he doesn't really understand why she does it. Ds often has friends over at weekends and she literally sits in between them, only leaving when it's time to go to bed and she's told to.
Ds has an x box and spends his free time playing online with friends. He uses headphones and isn't able to hear much of what is going on around him but she still sits next to him, often for hours on end. She tries to sit and do her homework next to him whilst he's on x box, shouting at the game chatting with his friends.
Her relationship with her older sister is pretty much non existent now too, despite sharing a room when they are both here.
Both girls have a tv in their room but its been out in the floor and unplugged for months, they say they're not interested in having it. They all have smart phones, so can be on Facebook etc in their rooms (which is girls equivalent to x box) but dsd only seems to want to sleep in her room. She's had new furniture and bed linen recently but her room obviously doesn't have much appeal to her.
We have a rule if no "screens" after 8pm so they can get ready for school the next day. Dsd will have her shower when ds has his bath, will make her sandwiches at the same time as ds and sit next to him in the sofa when he's finished.
I also feel ds doesn't out as much effort in with homework as I'd like and I suspect that's because dsd is by his side.
ATM they go to different schools but I know she will want to change to ds school next year for sixth form meaning she can spend all day and all night by ds side.
Now I know it's good they get on and I could be in here talking about the terrible rows they have but I also know this situation isn't good.
Dp says we need to encourage both children to have different interests etc. personally I feel ds is doing enough after school activities, has friends round every week / visits friends. He has interests and hobbies and yes, he likes the x box.
I would like to implement a your room is your space rule. Ie. ds bedroom isn't the communal room that dsd (and other dsd's treat it as when they're here). I feel this would force the situation a bit. Dp says he will "encourage" dsd to go to friends more but I know she will just make excuses. Dp also seems to think the x box is the problem and is hinting that I should let ds play less and this will help with the problem. It won't, ds would just sit on the PC downstairs instead with dsd by his side as sometimes happens anyway.
It would be a BIG thing if I effectively banned her from his room. All the kids are so used to ds room being communal.
We are moving house soon so I thought it might be a good time to adjust to some new rules.
Any suggestions or comments please?
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42 replies
theredhen · 25/03/2013 06:43
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