Anyone suspected the DH ex exaggerates DSC health condition for attention?

(111 Posts)
dignifiedsilence Wed 16-Jan-13 18:10:30

Please see my other post re past experience.
I feel bad even thinking this but this but its 1 big drama when this child is ill on her mothers part. There's always 'bits' added on about when she is ill and 'how ill' she is. She has a headache and is rushed to the doctor. She has difficulty breathing, put on oxygen, chest xray clear but doctors sent her home because she lives so close to the hospital (really? if she was that ill would they let her home?) She's not disabled nor special needs but is dealt with like she has a terminal illness by her mother. Sounds harsh but I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
Anyone else want to share?

millie30 Sun 20-Jan-13 10:03:45

My Ex has accused me of inventing chickenpox and chest infections. Any time my DS is ill my first worry is if it will affect contact and how will Ex react, when my only priority should have to be DS. If some of the tales in this thread are true, then many of these mothers are guilty either of serious medical neglect or a form of Munchausens. If this is the case then I assume the fathers are currently petitioning the courts or social services to have their children removed from these unfit mothers?

MissAnnersley Sun 20-Jan-13 10:15:19

My DS ended up in hospital as his dad and step mum didn't 'believe' he had asthma.

He was in hospital for five days.

FogClearing Sun 20-Jan-13 10:19:11

Millie, just so these posters are aware, when cafcass do investigate, the kids become "known" to SS, the kids speak to cafcass, ss and several times to a psychiatrist, on own and with each parent.

The dc have to live with a traumatised Mum too.

My dc were damaged by "investigations" and by me having to get myself dx before them, so their dx was delayed.

Do rock on with false allegations and court cases.

I got cafcass files, medical dx for kids etc...

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 10:50:53

I'm sick and tired of being attacked as a SM on the boards designed to allow SM to vent their frustrations.

There are plenty of mothers who fail to seek treatment for a DCs illness, or exaggerate their symptoms for their own convenience - many of them are written about elsewhere on MN by neighbours, grandparents, childminders, teachers and friends.

But woe betide the step-parent who dares express the same opinion - then the DC is being emotionally abused and is the subject of pity. angry

millie30 Sun 20-Jan-13 11:11:23

I thought this was a board about step-parenting issues, not an exclusive club for SMs to slag off their partners Ex where no one is allowed to criticise or disagree with an OP. On all the other boards there are disagreements and a variety of opinions, why should step-parenting be exempt from this?

FogClearing Sun 20-Jan-13 11:18:36

eh? Just explaining the consequences on innocent children and on Fathers who make these factually incorrect allegations.

FogClearing Sun 20-Jan-13 11:35:31

oh and if the dc are over 12 cafcass won't give the parents the files, only the dc can get them, so my ex is royally fucked with his lies filed by professionals upon who's allegations reports were persued for the court. He is in massive trouble and has no idea how much yet!

slowlycatchymonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 11:39:58

Eh NADM? Are you saying that this board can only be used if everyone is in total agreement? Come on! Some of the things being said on this thread are fucking ridiculous- mum dared to text dad to say as was throwing up and that's attention seeking?!
Tell me, when is it ever ok to say that a step mum is out of order? Unless of course you're saying that they are not.....

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 11:45:04

Nowhere else on MN (with the exception of AIBU) can a poster call the OP and those who agree with her 'twisted' with impunity.
You may disagree - but personal attacks are accepted here like nowhere else on MN.

If you know that your DCs SM is a risk and danger to your DSC emotional wellbeing then why don't you withhold contact - their relationship with their Dad is not worth it.

voddiekeepsmesane Sun 20-Jan-13 11:49:15

There ARE mums who do this just as much as there are dads and SMs that don't take illness seriously. Why is it so hard for some people to acknowledge that some mums are just as feckless as dads? But because they have the courts behind them that is ok?

FogClearing Sun 20-Jan-13 11:49:47

I didn't make personal attacks, I explained the consequences of factually incorrect information sharing. It would help to address those making pa's directly by name.

slowlycatchymonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 11:51:12

Alternatively if you think DSC are at risk of a mother with MBP then you should refuse to send the child back.

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 11:51:33

No,no, no - once the DCs of a feckless mum have a step-mum then the feckless mum sees the error of her ways and becomes a martyr to her DCs needs and wants wink

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 11:54:44

slowly if you'd read my post, you'll know that is exactly what DP did - withdrew his DD from school to seek treatment that her mum refused, and took DS to the GP for a second opinion regarding diagnosis that was based on his ex's telephone report of symptoms.

But of course - this never happens because SM are evil and make things up.

slowlycatchymonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 11:55:08

Of course there are crap mothers, but just how in the hell does texting to say they are throwing up constitute attention seeking? Or being precious about healthcare constitute MBP?
Jesus, this is a forum. People are entitled to disagree. Saying that every single difference of opinion is 'step-mum' bashing is nothing more than pulling up a straw man.

slowlycatchymonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 11:57:32

And NADM if you'd read mine, you'd see that I was not referring to your case as one that I took issue with, but rather the more ridiculous ones upthread.

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 11:58:26

And how does lying to a family Dr about symptoms and unnecessarily medicating a DC constitute 'genuine healthcare concerns'?

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 11:59:49

monkey you referred to 'any if the ailments in this thread' - I took that to refer to my post as well.

Part of my DH's ExPs argument for refusing him contact with his DS was that he wets the bed after seeing my DH "because its too stressful for him" now we've got overnight contact....Funnily enough he's never wet the bed yet. And is very reluctant to go back to her.

I appreciate there are a lot of waste of space Dads but unless you've been a Step Mum with a battle against nightmare ExPs I don't think you can comment fairly.

FogClearing Sun 20-Jan-13 12:11:16

nadm

If you read my posts you will not see sm referred to or slagged off confused you seem to be mixing me up with someone else.

Again, I was posting of the consequences in innocents and unwell people.

slowlycatchymonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 12:13:53

What I said was they could be described by the parent as genuine, as in the parent was genuinely concerned. My child's SM wrongly diagnosed her with asthma last year. Did I see it as a wicked ploy to undermine me or make me look neglectful? No, I saw it as someone who is more anxious about these matters than I am.

We all have different thresholds when it comes to illness. I know parents who rush to the doctors with a sneeze and others who participate in a bit of benign neglect on these matters. Point is, neither are interpreted the way they are on here. I mean MBP? Seriously!

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 12:26:20

monkey You are clearly a better person than me.

When a mother lies to a family Dr and unnecessarily medicates a DC at a time that directly coincides with the court ordered mediation that she has repeatedly refused and resisted - I do not for one moment consider that it is 'genuine concern' on her part. I'm a suspicious cow who thinks that my DSC mum is capable of anything, including subjecting her DCs to unnecessary healthcare, in order to avoid things that she doesn't want to do. Does that fits the definition of MBP?

If that makes me a WSM, then so be it!

Glad you have a good understanding relationship with your DCs SM, slowlycatchymonkey. I wish we had that. On "exchange day" they don't even speak. They communicate via writing in a book. It's snowed quite heavily here, so my DH text her yesterday to make sure she was still bringing DSS. I work sat morning so it meant that DH would have to get my DS (1yo) all wrapped up to go out to pick DSS up. She didn't even have the courtesy to reply.

Astley Sun 20-Jan-13 12:40:53

Andie you don't even have wellies at your house? Should she be expected to provide everything they might ever need at YOUR house so you don't have to actually buy anything?!

We have Wellies, Astley <hopefully accrues StepMum brownie points>

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