Anyone suspected the DH ex exaggerates DSC health condition for attention?

(111 Posts)
dignifiedsilence Wed 16-Jan-13 18:10:30

Please see my other post re past experience.
I feel bad even thinking this but this but its 1 big drama when this child is ill on her mothers part. There's always 'bits' added on about when she is ill and 'how ill' she is. She has a headache and is rushed to the doctor. She has difficulty breathing, put on oxygen, chest xray clear but doctors sent her home because she lives so close to the hospital (really? if she was that ill would they let her home?) She's not disabled nor special needs but is dealt with like she has a terminal illness by her mother. Sounds harsh but I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
Anyone else want to share?

No, unfortunately for my stepchildren its a case of health issues being ignored or deliberately played down despite protests from DH. I have heard of others having similar experience to yourself though.

One23 Wed 16-Jan-13 18:26:53

We have the same problem as Sparkle - Recently EX handed them back to us and told us they were very ill and that we needed to take them to doctors. She has also not given them prescription medication properly and not told us when they have been given medicine shortly before coming home to our house from hers and we nearly gave it to them again!

NotaDisneyMum Wed 16-Jan-13 18:31:39

One memorable summer, DSS's mum convinced the family Dr that DSS had Swine Flu - in order to avoid a mediation appointment with DP!

DSS was fine - a bit of untreated hayfever, but was medicated by the GP and quarantined - which caused him to miss out on his birthday party which his mum then had to cancel! She really didn't think it through!

In contrast, when DSD needed urgent medical treatment for over 50 infected bites, she ignored it and gave DP an earful when he took DSD out of school to get it treated.

Totally inconsistent and bonkers - or just a narcissist, whichever wink

theredhen Wed 16-Jan-13 19:16:05

Oh yes grin

My dsc have never had a headache only "migraines" and several days off school as well as a long list of "allergies" which apparently she has told the school about and demanded they change the school kitchens to accommodate the allergies which include pan metals and food wrappings.

A sprain to the knee was a "broken leg".

A mild cough is severe asthma.

Swine flu was diagnosed by her just at the time of a big family occasion at ours and kids were quarantined at hers. No one else in our town had swine flu.

School attendance has been so bad for one of the dsc, the welfare officer has been out twice. Kids are kept off school for weeks just for a mild cold. Ex and dsc are constantly at the doctors.

None actually have any serious illnesses, allergies or even intolerances.

Of course dp is abusive in not taking the children's illnesses seriously, contact has been stopped by her many times for his refusal to medicate the children on her demands.

I think she's used it as a form of control over both the kids and dp.

dignifiedsilence Wed 16-Jan-13 19:20:53

Sparklesoiree & One23 yes always a flip side xx
NotaDisneyMum:- thats defo narcissistic. I think she does it because she can't help herself and also to guilt trip my OH. I'm not saying she hasn't been ill or that her mother is making her ill but I defo think she exaggerates stuff to the point where the child is going to see the pattern and will probably buy into her mothers fantasy (the more she is ill the more attention she gets).
I don't see her (see my previous thread) but if she gets a headache he gets asked if she's banged her head or a rash....someone in the house must have an infection!!
Things I say to describe her:-
Attention seeker
Golden Uterus syndrome
Narcissist
Fantasist
Mother of the year
The list goes on. LOL
Has anyone been through all this and good things have come out of it?

dignifiedsilence Wed 16-Jan-13 19:25:19

Wow redhen something not right there huh? She sounds like the same person I'm dealing with smile
My future step child apparently has asthma but is only 4. As a chronic sufferer myself I know this cannot be definitely diagnosed until after 5 and they give the meds based on symptoms and family history and until I came along my partner believed her version of her various illnesses.
there is defo something wrong with her mental health xx

WinterLover Wed 16-Jan-13 21:20:38

Oh yes! DSD has asthma apparently... Although in the past 2+ years we've never had to use a reliever. She never coughs or other symptoms here. At mums every cough/clear of the throat gets the inhaler administered.... Nothing to do with her mum smoking in the kitchen doorway or the tumble dryer pipe in the kitchen not outside.

DPs got bad asthma, so I know it pisses him off.

Ex's whole family over exaggerate illnesses. Ex had a clot on the lung, very poorly blah blah still managed a night out drinking though hmmm

dignifiedsilence Thu 17-Jan-13 07:30:17

Hi winterlover thanks for sharing smile. She also texts messages things that a 4 year old couldn't possibly say. Things like * says its a shame my dad wasn't here today he could of seen me opening my presents. DP has NEVER lived with her and NEVER seen her on Christmas Day or Birthdays cos her mother makes it that way! Totally unbelievable!! She's even taken my job title on a social networking site...I'm a sales analyst she sells slimming pills and make up but yes she still calls herself the same...Maybe I should offer her some asthma advice or offer to help her when exams come around? :D xx

Petal02 Thu 17-Jan-13 10:50:34

My DH’s ex either over-exaggerates or “forgets to tell us” about illnesses – depending on which option will cause DH the most inconvenience.

At some point when he was around 13 or 14, DSS was diagnosed with a mild nut allergy, and he’s supposed to keep epi-pens (or something similar) with him at all times. The ex failed to mention this to DH. I know how her head works, she’d be perfectly happy for DSS to have been taken ill during an access weekend, knowing that DH wouldn’t have a clue about the allergy, and she could then “point score” with doctors/hospital etc. We only found about the epi-pens when DSS was 15, he casually mentioned it in passing.

DSS also uses inhalers for asthma, the ex regularly “forgot” to ensure that DSS brought his inhalers to our house, DH made attempts to obtain inhalers from DSS’s GP, but the ex did everything she could to obstruct this, including “losing” the spare inhaler that the surgery mistakenly dispensed to her instead of DH.

The stupid women seemed to forget that her actions could potentially prove fatal for DSS, but her desire to antagonise DH overrides her concern for her son.

We’ve then had the other extreme – whereby DH has collected DSS on a Thursday evening for access, DSS appears to be fine, and then the ex phones up and tells DH that DSS is very poorly, must definitely not go to school on Friday, and that DH must stay home (ie not go to work) to nurse him, and if she finds DSS is home-alone, she’ll call social services ……..

dignifiedsilence Thu 17-Jan-13 11:29:07

Petal you have hit the nail right on the head with over-exaggerates or “forgets to tell us” about illnesses. I'm not allowed to see her (I'll post link to my other thread when I work out how) but the crap this woman comes out with is unbelievable! I definitely think these women are at best borderline personality and have often thought maybe she has a mild form of Munchhausens by proxy. I'll find the link now if you would like to read? Thank god for mumsnet so I can rant LOL grin

dignifiedsilence Thu 17-Jan-13 11:30:12
AndieDisestablishment Sat 19-Jan-13 17:42:23

Oh my life!
Complete echoes of my DPs nutcase ex. Last Feb she contacted DP to say DSS2 had a really bad cold and she'd had to take him to the emergency clinic as he had turned blue but he was ok now. No mention of it since. She stopped DP seeing both of his boys in July after we took them on a day out (jealous tantrum!) In Dec they had a "family meeting" to rearrange contact after we'd jumped through hoops with her solicitors (I wasn't invited as she knew I'd call her out on all her bullshit as I've been a research demon since she kicked off) anyway, during the meeting it comes out that DSS2 had had several of these "episodes" which she has conveniently neglected to tell DP! Seven weeks on and he hasn't had a single one. I'm wondering if it's an attention seeking device on her part "oh, poor ex dealing with the sick baby all alone"
Over Christmas she text (text, not called) in the middle of the night to say DS2 was being sick for hours (a total of 7 hours by the time she'd finished her attention seeking) and she was taking him to A&E (she didn't, FIL went and checked....he was the only one awake and with a car at the time, all her lights were off too!) She instantly blamed my DCs for giving him a bug or MILs cooking (apparently an old favourite.)
She's nuts. I don't get it. She's sent DSSs without wellies today so we can't play in the snow, asked DSS1 and he said "mummy said no". Spiteful but a different issue.

slowlycatchymonkey Sat 19-Jan-13 19:47:14

This thread is vile

wouldulikeit Sat 19-Jan-13 19:58:44

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

You could say that poor kids actually have to grow up being emotionally scarred and damaged by mothers like this.

MonkeyABC Sat 19-Jan-13 21:30:47

Andie - She can't just stop him seeing them for 5 months, why doesn't your DP apply to court and get a residency order for set contact so she can't do things like that.

Although I do think the wellies issue is a bit on a non issue - £5 Tesco job would have done the trick for one weekend.

MeaninglessStrife Sat 19-Jan-13 22:33:20

Ex H brought DD home with a 'twisted ankle' - it was broken.

He failed to give DD her inhalers (because she's probably not asthmatic and OWS uncles brothers dog is REALLY asthmatic hmm ) Her lips were navy blue when he dropped her off and she ended up in hospital on oxygen and nebulisers for 2 days.

Little DD suffers from chronic constipation which can be mainly managed by diet. After a 7 night stay with her father, she was so impacted with faeces that she needed sedation in hospital in order to have them manually removed.

TheSecondComing Sat 19-Jan-13 22:37:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndieDisestablishment Sat 19-Jan-13 22:39:32

Monkey Because it costs £200 to apply to court which we don't have and we don't qualify for legal aid, unlike her. The wellies thing is not a non issue, we don't have a car to nip to the shops when she does stuff like rhat and can't afford to double up on everything just in case she feels like playing silly buggers.

Meaningless Sounds like your ex is nigh on useless.

MonkeyABC Sat 19-Jan-13 23:04:26

Andie - £200 is a lot of money, I know that. But surely it's worth £200 to your DP to ensure he regularly sees his children and doesn't have to jump to ex's every demand just because he can't afford to apply to court. This happened back in July so surely you could have saved a little bit each month. What if she decided to withhold contact again for another six months? I could not live like that and she is a bitch to do that to the kids hmm

slowlycatchymonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 00:32:35

Any of those ailments mentioned in this thread could easily be described by a parent as genuine.
How many of us here are guilty of being overly precious about our children when it comes to illness? What strikes me on this (horrible) thread is that a parents legitimate concerns regarding sickness is twisted beyond all reason and now we are even hearing calls for diagnosis of munchausens by proxy.

Jesus christ. Heaven forbid a child ever gets ill on 'mums watch', because If they do, according to this lot- it'll be a big conspiratorial LIE designed to upset SM

shock

To hear des

BlooMoon Sun 20-Jan-13 07:26:52

I sometimes lurk here but rarely butt in. In this case though...

Being a parent is bloody difficult sometimes, especially when children are ill. Different people, whether together or separated, have hugely different thresholds for when to seek medical advice. I tend to be much more cautious if I've not got another adult to bounce my concerns off.

Attacking this child's mother for her health-related decisions strikes me as cheap and unnecessary, and makes you look bad. She is communicating information and concerns re her child's health to her child's father - surely that is a good thing?

And to correct some misconceptions:
There is no cut-off age for the diagnosis of asthma.

If the child warranted a referral to hospital, and needed a chest x-ray and oxygen, she clearly was pretty poorly. And yes, she could have been sent home, especially if the hospital was under bed pressure. The doctors would have only allowed this if they thought the mum was sensible, had the logistics to be able to return if necessary, and the child appeared to be improving.

It is sometimes appropriate to take a child to a doctor for headache, It is definitely appropriate to ask about rashes (ever heard of meningitis?), head injuries, and any bugs going around.

From the health-related information you have posted, you start talking about Munchausens by proxy? Unbelievable. She sounds like a pretty on-the-ball sensible parent to me. Sorry.

I do appreciate you may have other reasons to dislike her, but you are going too far here.

AndieDisestablishment Sun 20-Jan-13 09:25:19

Monkey If we'd had the money to save we would have, trust me. DP is a self employed contractor, when he works we save any "expendable" income for the periods when he may not work (5 months in total last year) I have nobody else to help financially or practically with my children as my ex is deceased. DPs ex however thinks DP is loaded (even though the reason she left was him being out of work!) I've got the court forms filled out for the moment we do have the money, believe me!

FogClearing Sun 20-Jan-13 09:37:20

Yy I went throught this as did my children. We were dragged through court and my children were not properly treated for rare cinditions as I was scared of false accusations again.

I am now going after abusive ex and taking him back to court for deformation of character etc and medical child neglect etc now I have evidence.

He and dc sm spoke about me as you are speaking.

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