i have reached

[lateatwork]

the point where i am finally defeated. DSS (to be 8) mother has said that DD1 (3.5) is NOT to attend DSS party (jointly organised and paid for by DP and her) as DSS has decided he doesnt want her to attend. Ordinarily, I would be up in arms but you know what? I am just lying down and giving up on this one. I fundamentally do not agree that a child of 8 should be able to dictate which family members are around to celebrate his birthday. Friends yes. Family members no. I understand it may not be very 'cool' at 8 to have your little sister tagging along, and I understand that DSS wants the attention for himself for the time from his father (it is his birthday after all!!) but i think that quite frankly its the totally wrong message to be sending to both children. But, I have honestly reached the point in my journey as a step parent that I am just not willing to fight this and as hard as I have tried, DD1 and DSS relationship will never be like a common and garden mum, dad and two kids kinda relationship. So, I give up. Anyone else reached this point?

[Smurfy1]

WOW poor DD and what is your OH doing about it

Massive hugs

[oreocrumbs]

Thats not fair, and I think your DH needs to put his foot down. They are both his children and therefore both incuded in any family get together, no matter who's party it is.

I know what you mean about giving up on battles though. If I were you I would leave this in your DH's hands, and if it is decided DD can't go say to DSS that it is very unkind and hurtful and that his little sister loves him and wants to celebrate with him. Then leave it at that. Take DD out somewhere lovely.

Really though your DH must set him and his mother straight though.

[Smum99]

How nasty..I don't think in a non separated family a 8 year old boy would assume he could veto his sister..just wouldn't happen.Unless it was an activity party that you had to be a certain age but that would be obvious and you would state it.

Does the ex have other children? If the ex has blocked this and encouraged your dss to do so then shame on her and let karma deal with her.

[ChasingSquirrels]

to be honest, I let my 5yo veto his 2yo brother being at his birthday party.
5 years is a big gap, if it is a party for him & his friends (rather than a loads of friends and family things) then he really won't want a 3yo girl there.

[TheFeministsWife]

Wow! How nasty! Do you know if this coming from your DSS or his mum? I would be raising hell over something like this. But I can understand why you have decided not too, I'm just sorry that it has got to a point where you feel like this.

It was a bit different for us as DSD already lived with us when my dds were born and there is 10 years between DSD and dd1 and 14 years between DSD and dd2. So she has always had a more motherly relationship than a fighting sibling sort of relationship with them. They are very close though and I know there is no way she would exclude them from her birthday, although her 18th was an exception.