wicked step parent of the year award 2011

[tokenwoman]

I will nominate myself in the running for the poison apple award as this year as I have managed, after 7 years of coping with a nasty DSD every xmas day, using all my step parent wickedness to convince my DP not to see his horrid spoilt charming little princess at all over the whole xmas holiday . Evil ExW and DSD have been informed so no danger of things being changed at the last minute. I wish I could remember how I did it so I could pass on my wisdom to all you other budding wicked steps but sadly I am at a loss to know how I managed such a breakthrough.
Anyone else done wicked step mothering things this year and would like to try and challenge me to the award or have I won outright?

[MJinSparklyStockings]

Oh me, I am sorry, but thats my crown, I am guilty of lying about our issues for 7 years, posting about them for support, being blind, deaf, dumb and completely stupid in thinking DH is a kind, loving and attentive father, despite watching him bring up 5 children of different ages, I have come to accept that the combined wisdom of mumsnet is right, he is really just pretenting he loves and adores them.

Further more, I dreadfully, dont turn my step daughter away when she wants to talk to me, therefore undermining her mother, not accepting that it is ok for her mother to dictate contact to her at 16, and generally fighting for her rights, therefore undermining her mother.

Furthmore I so abuse my DSS that he is coming to visit on Christmas and Boxing Day, therefore undermining his mother.

My biggest sin as a step mother is however not to accept that the mother is the holy grail, DH is a second class citizen and that as DSDs non resident family we are second class and should accept being treated like utter shite because that is what ex wants DSD to do.

For this crime I accept being pilloried and put in stocks over Christmas.

[Petal02]

Oooh can I join in??? I was very wicked last Christmas, when I realised that New Year would also be an access weekend, I quickly booked DH and I into a lovely hotel for a few days. Thankfully no other public holidays fell on access weekends in 2011, such events mean that access still starts at 4pm Thurs, but runs to 6pm Monday (instead of Sunday) and then he's back on Weds for his midweek night, which is soul-destroying.

I've already checked the 2012 calendar, and Easter is an access weekend, so I casually mentioned to DH that perhaps the two of us should go away together, he was delighted at my suggestion, didn't mention the access rota, and a 4 day break is now booked!

The extended jubilee weekend in June ( where both Monday and Tuesday) are public holidays, would also be an access weekend, so we're literally leaving the country!!!!!!!

Please can I have an award for deviousness and forward planning???

[Petal02]

Ps - can I just add that DSS will be 18 soon, and my patience is wearing very thin.

[Eliza22]

I'd like to put myself up as a nominee.

I am "the other woman". I came into my DH's life, YEARS AFTER his then wife had an affair. That lasted years. And devastated him, their kids, their wider family, their (very comfortable) lifestyle and their envisaged future together. According to his ex.....he, abandoned his children (???) when he moved on. This man is a good man, husband ( to her and now to me), father, provider. Is sexy, handsome, utterly charming and such wit!! I fell on my feet the day she, the ex, started sleeping with someone else. But I digress....

But I'm still " the other woman". Though I didn't meet him for 4 years after his wife's carryings on !!!

Anyway, his daughter, who's 18 has, over the past three years, made my life a misery. She is rude, spoilt and utterly unlikeabe and now refuses to see her dad. He being such a shit dad, to have married me. She just about tolerated me as a girlfriend. Him marrying me was beyond the pale. My dh supports me because I have ever been the soul of kindness to this nasty young woman, I have welcomed her and smiled when actually I wanted to tell her to fuck right off.

Anyway, she's refused to come for Xmas with her siblings and.....cow that I am, I am not sorry. I'm really rather happy about that. It means no atmosphere, no creeping around her trying to provoke some semblance of a conversation, it means not being ignored in my own home.... Bliss!! So, surely this makes me heinous? Wicked? Maybe, but frankly, I no longer give a toss. I wish her all the festive happiness she deserves.

[BarfTheHeraldAngelsHeave]

Bloody witches the lot of you.

[MrsPinotGrigio]

I will happily relinquish my crown as 'worst SM ever' as DSS is now an adult & makes his own mind up & I can no longer be accused of 'wicked SM' behaviour. I spent 14 years being guilty of taking DSS on holidays abroad, being interested in his schooling, making sure he was fed & clothed (despite a small fortune being paid in maintenance by DP) and when wanting to attend birthday parties or school events being told 'no they are for family only & she's not part of our family'. I was also the OW despite meeting DP 2 years after their split!!!
Keep up the good work everyone!!!!!

[zakka72]

I didn't realise there were so many wicked step mothers out there! I am also one. Have had two delightful DC for 7 years. The eldest one is 18. In the past he has told me that I bought my way into the family (even though when I met his dad I had two jobs and a lodger AND he is the first to ask for contributions for clothes etc). I am really really bad as on the eldest ones 18 birthday I went to my mums house rather than staying at home (with a small family gathering). I was sick of the 12 year old giving me filthy looks, rolling her eyes at me, telling me 'it was none of my business ' if i asked her a question or pretending she hadn't heard me when I spoke to her (just generally trying to upset me which is normal for her). I would so love to tell both the kids to F**k off but to be honest it would have no impact on them and I'm sure I would come out worse off. Anywhere I have a list as long as my arm of evil things I have done so can I be nominated please?
PS The mother is actually a saint. In fact I think she is Mother Theresa!!

[jencd]

I think I might be a winner here!

Dh's ex / her New partner / DH and Dh's dad had a blazing row infront of DSS yesterday, including jibes about baldness, weight, woman beating and generally not loving DSS.

I was in another country but apparently DSS hates me the most because when he was on his holidays with us in the summer he wouldn't drink his cola in the restaurant I was paying for him to have dinner in because it tasted funny and I wouldn't buy him another one. For this reason he hung his phone up on me five times when I called to wish him happy Christmas and he hates me millions more than everyone else!

How my DH can even stand to look at me when I am so evil I will never know!

[prettyfly1]

I want the poison apple please.

I am the OW. Thats right. You heard me. I AM the OTHER woman. The other woman who washes up, cooks for, hugs, considers, buys presents for, makes cakes with, reads stories too, chats to, helps with and looks after My DP and his Ex child.

I am the other woman and like most other women, my dss lies to his legitimate woman about what he thinks of me, makes up stories about our time together and frequently pretends to hate me to cover the tracks of the double life he is forced to live, setting a delightful precedent for how he is likely to treat women as an adult.

I am the other woman so my time is snatched, I dont get gifts or presents, my feelings are ignored and any special occasions are entirely dependent on the legitimate womans choices and whims.

My only real crime was to be introduced to DSS life after the moment of his birth, and to try and care for him as best possible, pretty much like everyone else actually but because I am THE OTHER WOMAN I am clearly a child stealing, whore who deserves nothing less then disdain, disrespect, no thanks and years of being blamed for literally everything ever, screaming, offensive abuse I get because I dared be in her childs life after her and her partner decided their marriage no longer worked.

I thank you and will take my award whenever you are ready.

bitter feeling prettyfly

[TryingNotToLoseMyTemper]

Well..... sigh.... you knew what you were getting into, I'm afraid.

[prettyfly1]

HAHAHHAHAHAHAH. Oh trying that did make me chuckle!!

[therantingBOM]

Petal - your "access" from Thurs night through until Monday night with a weds night thrown in has had me in stitches... not in an unkind way, lord knows I feel for you. But purely out of a little bit of mentalist nature that has come out of me in exasperation at this whole ridiculous shitty life that us step mothers lead.

[therantingBOM]

And as LTLMT says - we knew what we were getting in to.

[TryingNotToLoseMyTemper]

It's awful, isn't it? It's like a horrible club that nobody tells you about until you're a member

[cinnamontoast]

Thank you, thank you for making me realise I am not alone - especially in strategically checking the calendar when holidays come up. Now tell me how to smile cheerfully in the presence of a surly, lipsticked 12-year-old displaying her ample cleavage to mindboggling effect, and posting on Facebook that she's bored within minutes of arriving here. AND turning up without presents for DH or my DCs (I don't expect one for myself) despite there being a stack under our tree for her as usual.

[Eliza22]

Ahh cinnamon.... No one exists only her. Why put though into a small gift for anyone else when, it's all about your SD?

I have this. Birthdays, Christmas..... No card no "token" gifts, not for me ( but that's ok, I don't expect one) not for her lovely dad and not for my son.

[Eliza22]

Oops, posted too soon! And yet birthdays and Christmas turn into something of an extravaganza for SD.

This year, cause she's not speaking to us, and though invited refused to come over, her dad texted her " darling what can we get you for Christmas?". "I don't want anything, thank you" she relied.

When this latest foot stamping petulant episode is over, she will get a belated Christmas gift over my dead body.

[WellIShouldNever]

Evil nasty people. Planning a break when you know its your partners turn to have the kids, that is evil. That poor child, imagine, knowing you are seeing you Daddy for the Easter break, because it is your turn that weekend, but, oh hang on, witch of a step mum has booked ANOTHER break without the step child. Pure nasty and evil. And planning it aswell. If you want a perfect, happy life with your partner all to your selfish self, then DO NOT PICK A MAN WITH A WIFE / CHILD / HISTORY.

[MJinSparklyStockings]

Well - this thread is a) toungue in cheek and b) cathartic - the "child you are referring to is an adult (re weekends) and should actually be spending time with his mates.

The poster you are slating is happy for as much contact as happens - every day - she wants the dsc to come and go as he wishes - at his age (almost 18) and not be stuck to a rigid contact schedule as would suit a 5 year old.

This infantalising of the DSC is impacting on his social skills and also his ability to work (as he is every other weekend in a different place) and is severly damaging for him.

The poster is very concerned about his emotional well being and how he is going to cope as an "adult" in an adult environment when both his parents insist on treating him like a young child.

So before you jump into a thread - on a SUPPORT BOARD for step parents - that you don't understand, perhaps try and have a little think about what actually is going on - rather than making uninformed judgemental posts that frankly, make you look a little silly.

[Petal02]

MJ, thank you for your support. Yes, my step son will be 18 in 2012 yet we still have the same rigid access rota that was put in place when he was 11, as both parents think the poor lamb is too sensitive to cope with minor changes of routine (even though the last few weeks have proven this to be wrong). I had expected that by now he would be popping in and out to see us when he wanted to, rather than insisting we stick to 4pm Thurs until 6pm
Sunday, with no variation. He is 17-going-on-7, which is very unhealthy. No one is trying to reduce contact, but the rota is just bizarre at his age. Within literally a few months we'll be running the access rota for an adult, so I feel no guilt at making the plans outlined in my earlier post. There are lads of his age who are in Afghanistan FFS.

[BarfAndHeave]

Yes, but fighting in Afghanistan is nothing, nothing compared to getting the house to yourself for the weekend at age 18 as your Dad and Step Mum are away.

Oh the humanity. The HUMANITY!

Sorry for being flippant, but I do love a bit of righteous indignation over nothing.

[Petal02]

Barf, there's no way on this planet that I'd have him staying at our house for the weekend if we were away, firstly he's not adult enough to lock up at night etc, and secondly I don't see the point in him arriving for an access weekend when his dad's not there, just to achieve rota-compliance.

[prettyfly1]

I wonder how many biological parents who want to come and be nasty without all the facts would be so quick to judge were it them who couldnt consider a weekend away on hols with their partner when they had an eighteen year old child. I was left on my own from 16 onwards and at eighteen I had my own flat and a full time job as well as college - I didnt WANT to spend that much time with my parents. Its ridiculous and foolish to be so utterly condemning and judgemental when you know literally NOTHING of the facts.

[MJinSparklyStockings]

Strangely enough dh and I are away for 2.5 weeks in September - leaving 16 year old ds1 (mine) with family - I don't think that make me a bad parent - he doesn't want to come with us and he has school!

I cannot imagine not being able to leave him.

I Would absolutely trust him on his own - he is more than capable, but it's too long.

Your dss needs to learn some independence for his own sake.

[Petal02]

I quite agree MJ. One of our neighbours asked DH if he wanted to play golf next weekend, DH said he couldn't, as it will be an access weekend. How many bio Dads can't play golf on weekends when their son is nearly 18????