argh yet another Christmas dilemma.

[samwellsbutt]

we are having dp dc for christmas, yeah. here come the dilemma, buying pressies for 6 kids is starting to get really pricey. i have been adamant that they all get the same spent on them and that it should be special dp is less worried about it.
my eldest dd wants a jd bug scooter its £60 thats fine (mostly) she understands that as you get older your pressies tend to get more expensive and less. but that means that i feel i now need to make sure everyone has that amount spent on them.
dp says not to worry about bumping it up with his kids he says they get swamped with pressies from his family and ex's family. that they never spent more than 50 pounds on christmas pressies because of it. he says he understands its different for me because my kids wont really get much from grandparents, aunt and uncles etc but his cant move for pressies.
i dont really know what to say to that.
it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and i am not sure why, is it just pregnancy hormones.

[Apricots]

Personally I think they all need to have the same as you said. Kids do definitely notice these things - I remember the one and only Xmas I spent with my dad and their children together had Nintendo ds', new mobiles, clothes, DVDs etc - I had a handbag and pyjamas. I was 16 so not young but I was still upset and felt like a second class citizen to my dad as obviously he hadnt spent anywhere near as much on me. Materialistic maybe but that's how kids think

[samwellsbutt]

thats what i said to him. he pointed out that his children are younger, which is true and providing it looks good wont really notice how much is spent especially since they dont know how much a scooter costs.
he is right to a point i suppose and they have a lot of excellent presents it just doesnt feel right to me to leave them out.

[Apricots]

Sorry should have said I always realised they'd get more on the day but to have to sit there and watch them opening present after present was just unfair

[TheFallenMadonna]

How old are they? I'm not spending the same on my DC and they are 10 and 7. They have very little idea how much things cost and will neither notice nor care.

[ladydeedy]

Agree, kids do not care nor notice price tags. Plus if you got something on sale/off ebay would that somehow make it less special? I wouldnt worry about it. Just decide on an upper budget and dont go over it. Ideally spend way less.

[samwellsbutt]

i have gotten most of the pressies off ebay but this scooter just isnt cheaper no matter were we look. they are 6 and 4 and 3. so i know you guys are right and it will prob only become a bigger deal as they get older.

[Purpleroses]

When my DD was 3 top of her list was a pack of nice felt tip pens! I don't think they have a clue at that age, so no need to spend lots at all, unless there's something they really want (and you really want to buy them) that costs a lot - like the scooter by the sounds of it. And good to establish that you don't necessarily spend the same on them all anyway - my DS(11) and last year DS had a computer for his birthday - way more than I would usually spend but they both knew that this was a one-off and wasn't what DD (now 8) had spent on her that year.

[allnewtaketwo]

I find the assumption this assumption that each child receives the same value of presents in each household odd. For one, it automatically gives the stepchildren double what all the other children receive. Not to mention the expense of this. I really think children are well able to understand the concept that if they have separate homes with both mum & dad, then of course they won't be receiving the same as the 'resident children' in both families

[MoChan]

Last year my daughter got a few more presents than her half-siblings, because they have more presents at their mum's house, and so it seemed only fair. I kind of regretted it, though, because my DSD seemed obviously bothered by it, despite the fact that we explained to her that she was going off to her mum's later that day for more presents, whereas that was it for my DD... Obviously, she will one day come around to the idea that it would be unfair for her to get TWICE as many Christmas presents... but at this point she is clearly still finding it hard and possibly seeing it as rejection....? I think it's not as cut and dried as 'fair's fair'.

[MoChan]

I think I might do that, thanks for the suggestion x

[samwellsbutt]

i am not quite sure how you explain that well to a 4 yr old that has to watch other children open more presents than them on christmas day.
i dont really care what they get when they are not here its about our christmas and our family.
i can see less expensive pressies while younger but less pressies in general would just be cruel i think.

[tokenwoman]

been there done that, my DS x2 have had the pleasure of watching DSD open far more in quantity and expense presents than they got from me over the years, knowing that she was going back to her mums for even more, although they do go to their dads for much the same so I think they understood plus Im not well off like my DP and have less money to spend. But it was, I found rather embarressing to watch when mine had finished opening their gifts. The reactions between the children when opening gifts was startling in the extreme to the point that last year I swore never again would I mix the children on xmas day. DP completely oblivious to the dynamics of what went on
Ive had the pleasure of watching her open christmas stocking gifts and as quickly discarding them every xmas morning for the last 7 years and one year DP suggested that we hide some that we had bought each other as she had less then we did together !!
other than that no one in his family gets gifts for mine and visa versa in fact they're not even mentioned on the cards we get as a couple and family even though we send as a complete unit with all names mentioned. My boys get DSD a gift she has never given one in return (A major failure on my DP part) and as for me I have never been given a gift from DSD or even a mention on the card that she sends/gives to daddy
(and as for birthdays lets not even go there)
this year for the first time in what seems like forever its just my boys and DP for the whole holiday, yippee but sadly its probably the last proper xmas with my boys as they are now adults