When the ex accuses DP of having been abusive

[brokenelasticband]

How many of you step mummies have a DP who's ex is adamant that she was abused in the marriage (and since) has accused DP of the most atrocious things. None of which have ever been reported to the police or to social services. She has never tried to stop the children being with DP (who he has 40% of the time).

She refuses mediation or counselling, even 5 years after the marriage break up (when she left DP for another man).

This seems to be an ongoing thing and her "reason" for refusing any contact at all either in person or by phone. Long rants by e-mail are common usually dragging up the past over some minor current issue with the children. He has been for private counselling (at her request) but because the counsellor didn't come to the conclusions she wanted, she has dismissed the results as rubbish as DP obviously lied to the counsellor.

Now, I speak as I find and can honestly say I have never seen anything like the abuse she talks about. DP is far from perfect and in the 3 years we have been together I have kept my eyes wide open and not let my heart over rule my head, but he is a gentle, kind man who is respectful to me and to others. He says his ex and him never argued and she never had an opinion on anything. He says we have argued more often in 3 years than he did with her in 18 years.

The trouble is, every time I read another of her rants, it makes me feel sick inside that maybe I am wrong, maybe he did abuse her and maybe he will try and do it to me at some point in the future. I know I would never put up with that sort of behaviour (having been in an emotionally abusive relationship previously as well as a several more "normal" relationships) but it's still unnnerving.

Just wondering if there are any of you who put up with the same sort of thing and how you come to terms with it?

[Diggs]

Same here im afraid . Like you i have been in an emotionally abusive relationship so i am fully aware of how abuse occurs , however insidious it is , and i am also aware of the warning signs that all abusers give off , no matter how hard they try and hide it .

Like you i keep my eyes open and make sure i see things as they really are . I bear in mind too that she binned him in favour of someone else , she probably has to devalue him in order to feel ok about what shes done .